


Something Deeper

by heartsdesire456



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Romance, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:32:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 51,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an accident on stage leaves Tommy suffering from retrograde amnesia, he wakes up with no memory of the last two years of his life. He has no memory of being on tour, no memory of being famous, doesn't know any of his bandmates...and has no memory of being engaged to marry Adam on Halloween. With no guarantee of his memory returning, Tommy returns to his life as normal with hopes that going about his normal routines, as guided by Adam, will help him regain his memory. Adam, though upset by Tommy's memory loss, is just happy that Tommy is alive.</p><p>With the wedding date looming ever closer, will Tommy's memory return before Adam gives up and cancels the wedding, or will every moment they've shared together be lost forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Deeper

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lambliff Big Bang 2011 Art Post: Something Deeper](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3892828) by [DarchangelSkye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarchangelSkye/pseuds/DarchangelSkye). 



> This is another fic from my archives that I'm mostly moving here, honestly, so that I can more easily download it to my tablet, lol. AND, you know, so that my friends can archive it with their other AO3 fics. It was written for Lambliff Big Bang in 2011 and can be originally found [here](http://heartsdesire456.livejournal.com/884478.html)
> 
> The AMAZING art that I got for it is [here](http://writinchica2k.livejournal.com/253792.html)

When it happened, Adam didn’t actually notice right away.

He had been playing cat and mouse games with Tommy on stage all night, running over and swatting his ass and darting away, tugging his hair and ducking when Tommy spun around to smack him in return, things of that sort. He had no idea anything was wrong. He was already down the stairs and across the stage, starting his opening line, when he heard first the bass drop off, quickly followed by Isaac stopping completely. Just as he turned, he heard a horrible feedback from Monte’s guitar, just in time to watch it skidding a few feet across the floor. He looked back to see Monte rushing cross the stage. He eyes widened as he spotted Tommy lying on the floor, not moving.

Adam didn’t see any of it, but the second he saw Monte throw one of his prized guitars down, he knew it had to have been bad.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After facing the mass confusion brought on in a rush to get medics to Tommy and then to the hospital, Adam was mostly frozen. He could comprehend that Tommy had gotten hurt, he could comprehend how much everybody was freaking out about it, but he hadn’t _seen_ it, he didn’t know what even happened, he just knew that they were somewhere in the mid-west, they were in a hospital half the size of their hotel, and Monte seemed beyond freaked out.

Adam sat there until Neil, of all people, came over and sat down, handing him coffee and his phone. “What?” he asked and Neil gave him a solemn look, nodding at the screen.

“You’re sorta… in shock. You’ve been told at least ten times what happened but you keep going ‘so what happened?’ and it’s like… sad,” he said as he pressed play for Adam.

Adam watched and within twenty seconds, he saw exactly what happened and exactly why Monte was so worried.

Just as Adam left the stairs, Tommy turned to walk to his pedal board, getting ready for the intro, only to trip over something unseen and go down _hard_. Adam watched with horror as Tommy’s head collided with the step, bouncing off of it as he crumpled.

Adam just put his face in his hands and tried to block out the solid ‘thud’ that was unheard but clearly resonated through Tommy’s body as his head slammed against metal. “Any word yet?” Adam looked up and spotted Isaac and Cam standing in front of him. He just looked at Neil, who shook his head, and sighed, leaning back to close his eyes. He couldn’t really wrap his head around the idea that Tommy, _his Tommy_ , was in the ICU after a public freak accident.

“How bad is it?” he asked softly, only to look up and realize he was alone. He glanced at the clock and was startled to see it had been two hours. The crick in his neck said something about it, he had to admit. He stood up, frowning as he looked around for someone he knew. He walked out of the waiting room into the hall, across from the receptionist’s desk, and sighed in relief as he spotted Lane and Monte talking to someone in scrubs.

When he got to them, Monte looked up and his eyes lit up. “Adam! If anybody has decision making rights here, it’s him,” he said and Adam frowned.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“Dr. Charlton,” Lane said. “This is Adam Lambert, Adam, this is the neurologist, Dr. Charlton,” she said and Adam shook his hand.

“Is there a problem? How’s Tommy?” he asked in a rush and the doctor held up a clipboard.

“We need his next of kin to fill out some paperwork, that’s all I can really give you right now,” he said apologetically.

Adam waved a hand. “I’m his fiancé, whatever you need to do, do it,” he said, biting his lip. “I can tell you anything you need, just whatever he needs-“ He cringed. “I mean, does it have to be legal?” he asked helplessly.

He smiled sympathetically. “No, it’s okay, you guys have all had a rough night,” he said. “Since you’re the closest to next of kin we have at the moment, I’ll need you to fill out forms before we’re able to do any more tests, but as of right now, Mr. Ratliff is stable but still unconscious. So far we haven’t detected any obvious signs of hemorrhaging or any fractures to the skull. It’s only been four hours so it’s not considered a coma yet, but if he hasn’t regained consciousness in the next two hours it will be, BUT-“ he said quickly, watching Adam pale. “Don’t be too terribly alarmed. It’s not good, I’ll tell you that much, but people are unconscious for days sometimes and often fully recover. It may take a little longer after a few days in a coma to fully regain consciousness, but we can’t even know what his possible outlook is until we do secondary scans to look for more localized damage,” he said, then handed Adam a folder from his clipboard. “Here are the forms I need you to fill out. You can just leave these at the receptionists’ desk right there when you’re done,” he said and Adam thanked him, opening a folder to find what looked to be about fifty pages.

“Well… he didn’t break his head or neck,” Monte said encouragingly, patting Adam on the back.

Adam just nodded weakly. “I’m still sorta… not here,” he mumbled and Monte nodded.

“We can all tell,” he said, then took Adam’s arm, leading him back to the waiting room so he could get started on the papers he needed to fill out.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It was morning before Adam could get Tommy’s mom on the phone. He stood in a corner at the end of a hall, leaning against some vending machines with a heavy sigh as he waited once again for voicemail, only to have her answer.

“ADAM! Lisa called me!” she said. “She said she saw something about Tommy on the entertainment news headlines this morning, what happened?!”

Adam flinched. “There was an accident,” he said and he heard her breath catch. “Somehow, I didn’t see, Tommy was right next to me one minute, then when I moved on past him, he turned to walk back to his spot on the stage and he tripped over something and when he went down, his head hit the steel steps-“

“Oh God,” Dia gasped and Adam’s breath caught.

“He- they’re still trying to figure out something definite, but he’s considered to be in a coma now since he’s been unconscious for more than six hours. They’ve done an MRI and they’re doing another thing now. The neurologist says we’ll have more soon, but right now he’s- he’s stable. As far as they know his brain isn’t hemorrhaging and they concluded his skull isn’t cracked and his neck is fine, so that’s good,” he said, leaning against a coffee machine weakly. “I still haven’t even figured out where we are,” he admitted in a whisper.

“Oh fuck,” she said and Adam would’ve normally laughed at her cursing. “I- oh my God, what do I need to do?” she asked.

“Well, for now they’re accepting me as next of kin but they’d probably be less uneasy about that if you or Lisa could get here. I know she’s got the kids so I figure-“

“Of course, I’ll-“ Adam heard rustling. “I’ll call into work with a family emergency and try my best to get better information from someone on where you are and I’ll hopefully make it by tonight,” she babbled, clearly worried.

Adam smiled weakly. “Thank you. He’d be really happy to see you when he wakes up,” he said and he heard Dia’s breath catch. “I hope it’s soon. I hope he’s awake soon. The sooner he wakes up, the less chance of any lasting damage-“

“I’ve got to go,” she said, voice strained, and he knew as soon as he hung up, she would break into tears. He was only holding it in himself because he was still mostly numb. He tried to think of who all he needed to call and decided to start with their friends and then work his way to Tommy’s friends, since he didn’t really want them to hear him being weak when he didn’t know them well.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam got back with a soda just in time to see the doctor coming out into the waiting room. He sped up and the doctor looked up and spotted him. “Mr. Lambert!” he said, and Adam nodded. “The results of the MRI show there is some damage to Tommy’s brain. However, the area affected shouldn’t affect his motor or speech skills,” he said and Adam just gave him a blank look. “This is good,” the doctor clarified. “The damage is in a concentrated area mostly not associated with important functions, such as speaking, moving, and basic mental capacity, so as far as major problems, we should be within a safe zone.”

“Oh thank God,” Adam said, sighing in relief.

Doctor Charlton nodded. “We’ve moved him into a hospital room and now we just wait for him to wake up. It shouldn’t be too long if our scans are all correct. Now, this isn’t a promise he’ll be totally fine, I’m sure at least there will be some problems, but hopefully those will be temporary.”

Adam just nodded. “When can I see him?” he asked.

The doctor gave him a compassionate look. “You should be able to see him as soon as a nurse informs you of the room number.” Adam just deflated some, hoping that maybe his prayers had been answered and he’d dodged a massive bullet with Tommy’s injuries.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam didn’t know when he’d fallen asleep, but he woke up to see Monte coming in. “Hey Adam,” he said, going to sit down beside him.

Adam lifted his head and turned, looking sleepily at Tommy, cringing at the pale, unmoving nature of his face. It wasn’t normal. When Tommy was asleep, his face was constantly moving. He always wiggled his nose or smiled or frowned, showing different emotions. Sometimes, Adam had even caught Tommy making tiny giggle sounds in his sleep when he was dreaming about something funny. To see Tommy’s eyebrows not so much as twitching and his lips pale and still really freaked Adam out. “God,” Adam whispered, lifting Tommy’s hand, which he had held all night, and kissed his fingertips. 

Monte put a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “How’s he doing?” he asked and Adam sighed.

“Still unconscious,” he said weakly. “They had hoped he would be awake by now,” he said, pressing his lips to the ring on Tommy’s finger. “God, my baby,” he whispered, closing his eyes tiredly. “What’s going on in the world of ‘Lambert’s Bassist Collapses On Stage’?” he asked unhappily.

Monte cringed. “Well, we’re getting slammed for canceling the rest of tour over one man down by the critics, but the fans are all really worried about Tommy and all of us,” he said and Adam nodded.

“Well they’re the only ones that matter. Critics have always hated me,” he said, shrugging. “God, look at him,” he said weakly, looking at the bruising along the side of Tommy’s forehead. He tightened his hold on Tommy’s limp hand and bit his lip.

“He’ll be okay, Adam,” Monte comforted and Adam sighed and shut his eyes, holding Tommy’s hand to him tightly.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The second time Adam woke up, it was to Neil shaking him hard. “Fuck, what, what?!” he grumbled unhappily, lifting his head from the side of the bed, only to blink when he saw everybody staring past him with wide eyes and hopeful, relieved looks. He quickly blinked a few times to clear his vision then turned to Tommy, gasping when he saw him looking around, a confused frown on his face. “Baby!” he breathed, then stood quickly, catching Tommy’s hand off the side of the bed. “Oh God, Tommy,” he cried, fighting the lump in his throat. “Can you hear me, baby?” he asked, leaning down towards him some, clutching his fingers close.

Tommy just stared at him, looking increasingly confused. “Where am I?”

Adam choked on his words some. “The hospital. When you fell down you got hurt,” he said and Tommy blinked some, voice still weak. 

“I fell down?”

Adam nodded, smiling happily. “Oh God, you’re finally awake,” he choked out, still fighting back tears. “Where’s his doctor?” he asked, turning back to the others.

Monte smiled encouragingly. “On his way, we paged him,” he said and Adam nodded. “TommyJoe, how you feel man?” he asked from the foot of the bed, and Tommy just stared. “You’ve given us one hell of a scare, kid.”

“Mr. Ratliff! Good to see you awake,” Dr. Charlton said as he walked in, spotting Tommy. “How do you feel?”

Tommy just frowned. “Confused,” he said softly, lifting his hand to scratch his nose, only to frown and jerk his arm back, looking at his right forearm. “What the fuck?!” he grunted and Adam frowned.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, squeezing his hand.

Tommy made a face and wiggled his hand away from Adam, shooting him a confused look, before glancing around, clearly getting upset. “Where am I?”

“You’re in Topeka,” Monte said and Tommy blinked.

“Kansas?”

Lane rolled her eyes. “No, another one, yes, Kansas.”

“Why the fuck am I in Kansas?” Tommy asked and everybody froze. “Fuck, dude, did I black out and this is some really elaborate joke?” he asked, looking upset. “Cause it’s not funny.”

“Tommy…” The Doctor stopped then looked at his chart, eyes widening. “Tommy, can you tell me your name?”

He nodded. “Tommy Ratliff, what the fuck?”

“When’s your birthday?”

“October eighteenth, why?” he asked, then groaned. “Fuck, my head hurts,” he said, sighing. “Seriously, what the hell did I drink last night? I feel like someone hit me with a truck.”

“Tommy, you hit your head on a steel step,” the doctor explained. “You were playing and you fell over a cord and hit your head, do you remember that?”

Tommy thought and shook his head. “Playing what?” he asked and Adam frowned.

“The bass, what else?” he said gently.

Tommy just looked at him curiously. “I don’t play the bass,” he said, looking like Adam had said the sky was purple. “And seriously, who are you?” he asked and everybody froze.

“What are you talking about, TommyJoe?” Monte asked, his eyes wide with concern.

Tommy sighed. “And that! Why the hell are you calling me that? Nobody calls me that except my parents and my sister. I don’t even know you, what the fuck?!”

Adam felt his heart drop and his eyes fill with tears. “Tommy?” he asked weakly and Neil immediately walked over and put his hand on Adam’s shoulder. “What do you mean you don’t know him?” he asked wetly, almost desperate.

Tommy held up his arm. “What the fuck is with this?” he asked, pointing to his right forearm. “Are these real?!” he asked, licking his finger to rub across his dépêche mode tattoo and then his Libra symbol on his forearm.

Monte just stared blankly. “Uh-oh.” He looked over at Adam, who had tear-streaks down his cheeks and he cringed. “Adam-“

Dr. Charlton interrupted. “Tommy, what’s today?” he asked and Tommy shrugged.

“I don’t know. Wednesday maybe?” he tried, frowning. “I’m not good with days, but I think it’s July something,” he said, still rubbing at his tattoos. “Seriously, what the fuck, are these things real?! They’re cool, but I think I’d have woken up if someone tattooed me, and it’s not coming off. Is it some kind of dye?” he asked.

“It is July,” Dr. Charlton confirmed and Tommy nodded. “What year is it?” he asked and Tommy shot him a look like he was crazy.

“What do you mean what year is it?”

Dr. Charlton gave him a patient look. “Okay, how old are you?” he asked, trying to get the information without upsetting Tommy even more.

Tommy just rolled his eyes. “I’m twenty-eight, okay? I know I look a little young-“

“Oh God,” Lane gasped and Adam put his face in his hands as he let out a broken sound halfway between a sob and a laugh. Neil just cringed and stared at Tommy sadly.

“What?” Tommy asked, looking around. “What is it?”

Monte looked at the doctor, who nodded. “You’re not, buddy,” he said and Tommy blinked. “You’re nearly thirty-one,” he said and Tommy’s eyes widened.

“I’m _what_?!”

Monte nodded. “It is July, but it’s twenty-twelve, kid,” he said and Tommy just stared, going even paler than he already was.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was standing in the hall doing something he never thought he would do at the time Tommy’s mother arrived.

He was clinging to Neil, crying his eyes out into Neil’s shirt. He hated having to rely on _Neil_ in his time of need, but at the moment, all he could focus on was the fact that Tommy, his _fiancé_ Tommy, didn’t even remember him.

“Oh God.” Adam looked up as he heard Dia’s voice and spotted her standing at the nurses’ station, staring at him with horrified eyes. “Oh God.”

He gave her a weak smile and rushed over. “Hey,” he started and she put a hand over her mouth.

“It can’t be good,” she said simply, looking at his tearful face and he just whimpered.

“It’s… it could be worse,” he reassured, hugging her. “He’s awake and he’s mostly okay,” he said and she frowned.

“Then what’s wrong, Adam?” she asked, reaching up to cup his face in her hand. “Why’re you so upset if he’s okay?”

He just whimpered, face crumpling. “He doesn’t remember!” he breathed. “He woke up thinking he’s twenty-eight and it’s July of three years ago!” he whispered, chest hurting. “He doesn’t know me, Dia! He doesn’t remember anything before some party at somebody’s house the summer before I met him,” he sobbed softly.

She just gasped. “Oh Adam, I’m so sorry!” she said, hugging him. “Oh my God, what- what do the doctors say?” she asked.

Adam shrugged. “Dr. Charlton and some other neurologists took him in for some more tests and another MRI. I just… I don’t know,” he said, putting a shaky hand over his mouth. “I didn’t really talk much with him. He’s really confused and stuff so we left him alone.”

She just sighed. “Well, we’ll see what happens,” she said and Adam nodded, biting his lip weakly.

“I hope something good.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam stood back away from Tommy and allowed his mother to hold his hand and sit at his side, since she was the only person in the room Tommy recognized. The doctor came in and they all held their breath. “What can you tell us, doctor?” she asked.

Dr. Charlton nodded. “Well, the blow to Tommy’s head damaged part of the temporal lobe, near the hippocampus,” he explained. “The hippocampus is a part of the brain that helps organize memories. Most often injury to the hippocampus causes anterograde amnesia, which means you can’t form new memories, but in some cases, the injury can cause retrograde amnesia, which was what we believe Tommy has,” he explained. “Now, since long-term memories are stored in various places that science has yet to isolate, and since he hasn’t shown symptoms of anterograde amnesia, chances are the damage caused what is basically a short between the stored memories and the part of the brain that retrieves them.”

Tommy frowned. “But why three years? Like, in the movies people forget everything and shit,” he said and the doctor chuckled.

“In the movies zombies eat brains too,” he said and Tommy smiled, amused. “Pure retrograde amnesia is possible but very rare. Honestly, retrograde amnesia not caused by psychosis, Alzheimer’s, or post traumatic stress disorder is very rare as well. Anterograde amnesia is the most common associated with hippocampus injury,” he explained.

“Is it permanent?” Dia asked and the doctor shrugged.

“I’m sorry but there’s no way to tell. Neither yes or no is more common in this case. If the part of the brain storing the memories of the last three years is in the damaged temporal lobe tissue around his hippocampus, then most likely the last three years have been wiped out of his memory forever. However, it is just as likely that it’s just a missing piece of information between the memories and the part of the brain that accesses the memories. In that case, it’s very likely that, with time, his brain will form new access pathways to the information as it heals,” he explained. “The brain is an amazing organ. In some situations, even the most traumatic damage to the brain can cause absolutely no lasting damage and in some situations the tiniest bump to the head can kill a person,” he said, shaking his head. “At this point, however, there’s simply nothing more we can tell you.”

“Is there anything to do to try and help his healing if it is the second thing?” Adam asked helplessly.

“Unfortunately, there are no proven methods to curing amnesia. Generally, recovery is spontaneous and immediate. It won’t necessarily be ‘everything flooding back to him’ but over a very short period of time, such as a few days or weeks, his memory will go from blank to filling in the blanks. Often the memories return like pieces of a puzzle, but once they’re back, they all slide into place.” Dr. Charlton looked at the folder in his hands. “At this point, other than the amnesia, there’s nothing more we can really do for Tommy. He’s out of danger of blood clots or intracranial hemorrhaging, so he can be released soon,” he explained. “Now, scientifically, I’m supposed to inform you that simply reminding him of things he doesn’t know won’t make him remember, and it won’t,” he warned. “But I’ve found that being back at home and leading him through his normal routines can help recovery time. There’s no reason for it to help so it may not, but on average, I’d say in the case studies I’ve examined, guiding him through every day as normally as possible until he re-develops his habits triggers something to help speed up the spontaneous recovery once it starts so that what could take weeks to recovery may be recovered faster.”

Dia smiled. “Well… that’s good at least,” she said, turning to Tommy. “You can go home at least,” she said and Tommy nodded.

“Sounds cool, at least I’ll be out of this place,” he said, and then cringed. “No offense doc, I just don’t like hospitals.”

Dia nodded, smiling weakly, clearly lost in thought. “His father never did like hospitals either,” she said and Adam paled when Tommy gave her a funny look.

“Did?” he asked and she glanced up, paling when she realized what she had said.

Adam just bit back the lump in his throat and held back the tears welling in his eyes and grabbed Monte’s arm and nodded at everybody. “We should leave them alone, I think,” he said, then glanced at the doctor. “Um, can I talk to you in the hall?” he asked, sniffling as a tear slipped free of his eyelashes.

Just as they started out he closed his eyes as he heard Dia’s voice slow and calm as she started. “Well, TommyJoe.”

Adam shut the door and looked at the doctor, taking a deep breath to wipe his face. Doctor Charlton raised an eyebrow and nodded at the door and Adam cringed. “Tommy’s father passed away nearly two years ago,” he said and the doctor cringed.

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry,” he said softly.

“Look,” Adam started. “Your idea about bringing him home… well he doesn’t remember home. He doesn’t remember anything about me or our house… he doesn’t know anything about home. Is it really a good idea to do that? His mom would probably make him feel more comfortable-“

“Mr. Lambert, it’s only a suggestion, but I do stand by my idea that guiding him through a normal day in his normal settings is the best way to help encourage the spontaneous recovery if it happens,” he said simply. “It’s the best way to try and help him get better,” he said and Adam nodded. “You should know that recovery could be soon or it could take a while. Usually it’s within a few weeks but it can take years in extremely rare cases.”

Adam just sighed and nodded. “Okay, we’ll try our best to help him recover.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When they took their seats on the plane, Adam and Tommy were side by side and Dia was ahead of them. “So,” Tommy started, turning to Adam. “I knew I’d seen your face before, even though I don’t remember meeting you, so I asked my mom and you’re the dude from that show earlier this year-“ He cringed. “I mean, earlier that year,” he said and Adam gave him a sympathetic look.

“Yeah, I was on American Idol,” he said, and Tommy nodded.

“My mom, she said I should just ask you whenever I asked her questions, so… um, can you help me?” he asked and Adam nodded.

“Whatever you want to know,” he said, fighting the urge to grab Tommy’s hand from its spot in Tommy’s lap.

“Okay, you asked me when I woke up about bass,” he said and Adam nodded. “I play it now? Like, for real? Not just fucking around.”

“Yeah, you’re famous for being a bassist, but you play guitar in a few bands still,” he said and Tommy hummed.

“By ‘famous’…” he trailed off and Adam chuckled.

“Thousands of people around the world love you and want to have your babies,” he offered. “More likely, millions, but thousands for sure. You aren’t Mick Jagger, and most of the critics still call you ‘that guy from the AMAs’ but the internet loves you. You’ve got over fifty-thousand twitter followers now,” he mentioned and Tommy blinked.

“I’ve got a twitter? That shit wasn’t just a phase?” he asked and Adam laughed.

“No way, it’s really popular in the media so it hung around. We got you into twitter after you joined the band and especially after some of the fans helped get you a macbook.”

Tommy just chuckled. “Damn, last I remember, I was working in a cubicle,” he said, shaking his head. “Okay, I have to ask,” he said, then held up his arm. “Why do I have a zodiac symbol on my arm? I’ve already got one tattoo about my sign, why did I get another?”

Adam smiled and pulled his own sleeve up. “A group of us got them all together,” he said, showing Tommy his. “A bunch of us got our signs together about a year after what you remember.”

“Why-“ Tommy flushed. “Why are the numbers eleven, eighteen, and two-thousand-ten tattooed on my inner thigh?” he asked and Adam bit his lip uneasily. “Is it a date?”

Adam sighed. “It’s the anniversary of when we got together,” he said, looking down at his ring.

Tommy frowned. “Wait, _together_?” he asked. “Like… _that_?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah. We were sorta drawn to each other from the start and you told me you were straight-“

Tommy just made a face. “I _am_ straight.”

Adam smirked. “Yeah, you believed it for a long time, even though I was eating your face every night-“

“WHAT?!” Tommy cried, but then blushed when Adam shushed him before someone on the plane with them complained. “You did what?!”

Adam laughed. “Okay, so the first live performance I ever had, I sort of was really into it and I just kissed you, on live TV, and from then on you are ‘the one from the AMAs’. Well, after we decided to keep with it. So during the tour, at the start of one of the songs, I’d come down the steps, sing to you, then kiss you or lick you or something,” he said and Tommy just shot him a flat look. “Yeah, I thought the whole ‘I’m totally straight’ was bullshit when you were so into it,” he teased, smiling. “Well, near the end of tour, in Europe, we were being touristy and stuff and we’d been getting pretty close all along, I was crazy for you and I got the idea you liked me back but you never said anything, right?” Adam smiled vacantly as he stared down at the seat. “We were just walking along the street and talking about tour and you grabbed my hand and I stopped walking and you thanked me for bringing you and you had this look,” he sighed. “This look you used to have all the time was like I was the best thing to ever happen, and I always felt uncomfortable, but when you smiled up at me that day I realized what it meant and I kissed you and it wasn’t for the fans, it wasn’t for anybody else, it was for us.” He looked up at the slightly grossed out look on Tommy’s face and it hurt more than he could stand. “Well, I’ll spare you the details, especially since I think your mom’s listening in-“ Tommy flushed and looked up at the seats in front of them. “But we got together that night. We’ve been together since,” he said.

Tommy groaned. “Wait, so… I’m gay?” he asked and Adam laughed.

“I don’t know. I mean, you’re with me so I guess you’re at least bi, but as far as I know it’s only me.” Adam watched Tommy processing and closed his eyes.

“Okay, so… that means we’ve been together a while, right? That’s a year and eight months,” he said and Adam nodded. “Well… okay,” he said, clearly trying to process. “What else should I know?” he asked.

Adam nodded. “Well, we live together. You moved in with me around the time I started recording my second album last year, so just over a year ago. We’re getting-“ He flinched. “Well, we _were_ getting married on Halloween,” he said with a sad smile. “But something tells me that unless your memory comes back, you’re probably not interested in getting married in a few months.”

Tommy smiled. “Wait, we were supposed to be getting married on _Halloween_?” he asked and Adam nodded.

“We were watching The Crow one night back before tour started in March and you said ‘I’d love to get married on Halloween, how cool would that be?’ and I said ‘why don’t we?’ and we sorta realized we could totally do it,” he said and Tommy smiled, amused.

“Well, at least I can see so far that you’re pretty cool. I don’t have to wonder entirely what the hell I was thinking,” he said and Adam smiled. “I’ll be damned,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “I’m engaged to another man,” he said in an amused tone. He looked at Adam and gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry I don’t remember,” he said and Adam felt his throat close. “I know it has to suck for me to not know you if we’re supposed to be getting married this year.”

Adam just shook his head, smiling tightly. “It’s not your fault, Glitterbaby.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Glitterbaby?” he asked and Adam nodded.

“Yeah, it’s kind of our nickname for you. You call me Babyboy,” he said and Tommy just hummed.

“Apparently I turned into a massive pussy,” he joked and Adam rolled his eyes.

“You’re a sweet guy is all,” he said, swallowing thickly. “It’s probably what I love the most about you, if I’m honest. You’re the absolutely most loyal and kind friend ever. I was half in love with you _days_ after we met you,” he admitted.

Tommy just chuckled. “Funny because most people tell me I’m an asshole,” he said and Adam shook his head, smiling.

“You’re never an asshole. Well, in a funny way, like… you love to prank the shit out of everybody and you pester my brother like nobody else, but you couldn’t be mean if you tried.”

Tommy nodded. “Your brother, he’s the one called Neil?”

Adam nodded. “You two are like brothers yourself. He hates it when you and I gang up on pick on him,” he said and Tommy smiled.

“It’s just so weird, dude,” he said, making a scrunched up face. “You’re a cool guy from what I can tell and from what my mom’s told me, and I can see why we’d be friends, but… I just literally can’t wrap my head around the idea that I’m into you the way I guess I really am,” he said and Adam looked away, fighting back tears. “Shit, no, dude, I don’t mean-“

“I know you don’t,” Adam said, sighing. “It’s okay,” he promised, giving Tommy a sad smile. “I don’t blame you and it’s not your fault. I’m just happy you’re okay,” he said honestly. “If you don’t remember me, that’s horrible and shit, but you’re still here and you’re still you. When I saw Monte throw his guitar down mid-song and run across the stage and I realized why, everything bad that could happen ran through my head. At the hospital I was in a fog but when I saw the video of your head bouncing off that step, I was sure the doctor was going to come out and announce that you had died or you were brain dead or that you’d live the rest of your life as a vegetable… something horrible,” he said, biting his lip as a tear slipped from his lashes without his consent once again. “This is way better than any of that. You’re still you, okay?” he asked and Tommy nodded. “Even if- even if you never remember me the way you used to, I’ve still got my best friend,” he said and Tommy gave him a sad look.

“What do you mean?” he asked and Adam sighed.

“I know- I know if you don’t get your memory back…” He shrugged. “I don’t know, life is about timing, right? Who’s to say if you don’t remember what led up to us falling in love that you’ll fall in love with me again just because you’re _told_ that you used to love me?” he asked and Tommy looked away. “I couldn’t blame you. I couldn’t resent you if later on down the line you never remember and you don’t want me the same way. I hope it’s not going that way but if it does, it’s okay. You’re still here, you’re still okay, and I know without a doubt you’ll like me well enough to be my friend no matter what. I’d rather have you healthy and happy and as my best friend than lose you. Hell, even if you don’t want to be in my band or in my life anymore, I’d rather you be here and yourself and _alive_ , you know? So I’m not ever upset at you when I get upset, TommyJoe. I promise,” he said and Tommy nodded.

“I hope… I hope I remember,” he said and Adam smiled at him. “I mean, you’re a cool dude. I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes, I don’t know what it’s like to be in love, but I know what it’s like to be blindsided with something really shitty because I just found out yesterday that my dad is dead, and I can’t even remember him ever being sick,” he said and Adam cringed.

“I know, baby,” he said, forgetting himself as he grabbed Tommy’s hand. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that twice,” he said and Tommy shrugged.

“What can you do,” he said and then looked at their hands. “You know, it’s weird how my hand sorta fits in yours,” he said and Adam laughed.

“Yeah, we fit a lot of ways,” he said absently, then blushed and released Tommy’s hand when Tommy gave him a horrified look. “Um-“

“Ew,” Tommy said rolling his eyes. “Warn a guy, okay?” he said and Adam laughed, shaking his head. “Seriously, the things in my head are freaking me out,” he said and Adam smirked.

“Mostly I meant innocent things, you dirty minded little shit,” he teased, rolling his eyes affectionately.

Even if he didn’t remember their time together, there was no denying TommyJoe was still TommyJoe.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When they got home, Tommy looked around and whistled. “Wow, I _live_ here?” he asked and Adam nodded, smiling. “Dude, this is a sweet house,” he said, looking at the wood floors in the main entrance and the staircase at the end that disappeared at the top. The walls were a pale yellow in the foyer and he could see through the door to the left halfway to the stairs what must be a kitchen, as the floors were white tile and there were oak cabinets with a black counter visible through the door. To the right, there was a large open entryway, just past the closet that Adam hung his jacket in before stepping down into a pretty nice living room.

Tommy walked in, stepping down from wood to nice, lush tan carpet, gray walls, a dark purple rug between the black entertainment center, and bright blue couches. “Really funky colors in here,” he said and Adam laughed, following him as he looked around.

“Blue is my favorite color, and when you moved in you got tired of my white walls. We painted every room in the house together and ended up with more paint on us than the walls,” he said and Tommy grinned.

“I can believe that. I’m horrible at DIY,” he said and Adam laughed.

“Yeah, Bob Villa you’re not,” he said, standing in the doorway as he watched Tommy exploring the room.

He got over to the entertainment center and grinned. “Dude, killer movie selection,” he said and Adam snickered.

“Because those are all yours,” he said and Tommy gave him a sheepish look.

“Hey, I don’t _know_ that!” he said, then turned to him. “Why don’t we have all our movies together in one place? I’m sure I didn’t lose my love for organizing everything with a title on it.”

Adam smiled. “I’ve got mine in the cabinet behind the door,” he said, gesturing. “You got sick of your friends coming over and picking on all the girly movies mixed in with your blood and guts so we agreed to separate them and hide mine since I didn’t mind.”

Tommy smiled. “Well, at least I’m not a pussy now that I’m gay,” he said and Adam shot him a pointed look. “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said and Adam just sighed.

“Yeah, I remember it taking you a while to not be insensitive,” he said and Tommy looked ashamed. “Hey, it’s not a big deal. You were always really open and very outspoken, it was just that you weren’t the most sensitive about the stereotypes and how perpetuating them was wrong,” he said.

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m just… a little harsh? And I don’t mean it in a mean way-“

“I know,” Adam reassured. “Don’t feel bad, I remember even if you don’t.”

Tommy stood up. “Sweet, so, what’s up stairs?” he asked, standing up to walk over to Adam.

Adam smiled. “Let’s go see,” he said and Tommy followed Adam up the stairs and around the corner at the top. At the landing, the floors were the same wood as the entrance. Through the door on the left he saw a room that made his jaw drop. It was painted bright green and had a black shag rug across the wooden floor, along with black shelves and racks that held several guitars, a good few basses, some awards up on the top shelf, and a small sound table set up in the corner. 

“Holy shit,” he said, and Adam smiled, following him. “Oh hey, I recognize these two,” he said, grabbing two of his older guitars off the rack. “Are all of these mine?” he asked, looking at them in wonder.

Adam laughed. “I sure as hell don’t play anything!” he said, walking over to sit on the futon in the corner. “You and your friends come jam up here sometimes. It’s not here now because we sold it to buy another, but usually there’s a drum kit over there in the corner,” he said and Tommy looked at the empty corner. “Every once in a while we’ll write something together and record a rough demo. We don’t have a recording booth as you can see but that’s why it’s called ‘rough’,” he said, shrugging.

“So, we write music together?” he asked and Adam smiled.

“We’re both musicians, of course we do. It’s never anything we _use_ but I can’t help it and I doubt you can. You’ve got a readily available singer and I’ve got a readily available guitarist. When we’re working we start helping each other and end up making something that’s _ours_ and it doesn’t feel right to share it.” He watched as Tommy picked up one of his basses, holding it awkwardly. “I meant to ask, by ‘I don’t play bass’ what did you mean?” he asked. “You joined my band in October, surely you didn’t learn it all the way in three months,” he said and Tommy shrugged, picking at the strings randomly.

“All I know is I remember a very basic knowledge of bass. I mean, I know _how_ , I’ve just never really tried.” He looked up with a smile. “Maybe I just really wanted to play for you so I got better?” he asked and Adam laughed.

“Well, you did audition for guitar,” he admitted. “We liked you so we asked you to play bass and you did really well with that so we kept you. And it wasn’t just me thinking you were cute, you were actually good,” he promised.

Tommy put up the bass and then turned. “Right, next room!” he said, skipping out into the hall. He stopped and opened the next door, humming when he found a bathroom. “Nice,” he said, looking around, before heading to the next door, which he opened and found to be a large bedroom. “Wow.”

Adam walked up behind him and guided him in. The room was periwinkle with plum colored carpet, plum and black striped curtains over the windows, and a very large bed with black and plum bedding. “Jesus, our room is huge,” Tommy said, walking around a little. He opened the door beside him and saw a large master bathroom, including a huge shower along the back wall and a claw-footed tub sitting in the very middle of the room. “Damn,” he said and Adam laughed.

“We actually remodeled the bathroom when you moved in because we needed more counter space for all our shit together. The bedroom was even bigger but we took up some of it to make up for the longer mirror and counter and room for the bath tub since you saw it at the home improvement store and wanted it,” he said and Tommy grinned.

“So I still like bubble baths, that’s nice,” he said, then walked around the bed, noticing the desk and the entertainment center were both black to match theme of the room, and opened the door on the other side, only to have his jaw drop as he found himself in possibly the largest closet he had ever seen outside of television. It was clearly divided down the middle with more clothes on the left, all of which were much too big to be Tommy’s, than the right, which held a lot more tee-shirts than the left. At the very end, separating the two sides, was a giant mirror.

“Yes, we have a lot of clothes,” Adam said and Tommy shook his head, turning around to face him.

“Ya think?” he asked, then shook his head. “So, is this it?” he asked.

Adam shrugged. “Well, there’s a half-bath downstairs past the staircase and the laundry room is beyond it. You didn’t see the kitchen and dining room, but they’re nothing to write home about,” he said, and Tommy nodded.

“Cool. We’ve got a pretty sweet home,” he said and Adam nodded.

“We’ve got a back yard too,” he added. Tommy perked up. “No pool or anything, but we’ve got some kick-ass patio furniture, a pretty sweet barbecue that _never_ gets used since neither of us grill, and a pretty killer hammock that we’re both too scared of sitting in for very long in fear it’ll fall over.”

Tommy grinned. “So we basically never go outside?”

“Yep!” Adam said brightly. “We tried to make it more ‘domestic couple’ when you moved in with me, hence the barbecue and hammock and patio furniture, as well as the painting and redecorating, but for as much as we tried, we’re not exactly the least busy people in the world so mostly it’s just masquerading as a settled home. We’re not here for months at a time though, so the whole ‘lived in feel’ doesn’t come through much.”

Tommy nodded and they headed downstairs, Adam promising to show Tommy where everything in the kitchen was kept, only to get to the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang. “Are we expecting someone?” Tommy asked and Adam shook his head.

“No,” he said, heading to open the door. As soon as he answered it, he was hugged.

“Oh my God, sweetie, I heard you guys were home and I just had to come check up on my little kitty!” Sutan, in full Raja gear, said, stalking in past Adam. “Oh my Gosh, how are you sweetheart?!” he asked, rushing over to hug Tommy, cuddling him close.

Tommy shot Adam a look that screamed ‘HELP ME’ from his spot pressed against faux-cleavage and Adam walked over, cringing. “Sutan-“

“Bitch, do I look like a man to you?” 

Adam rolled his eyes. “Raja,” he corrected, offering a smile as he gently tugged at Tommy’s hand. “Tommy’s a little tired-“

“Oh God, of course!” she said, pulling back to look down at him. “God, how are you baby?” she asked, then, much to Tommy’s absolute shock, she leaned down and kissed him on the lips, holding his chin in her hand, smearing lipstick all over his jaw before smacking him on the cheek repeatedly. “I’m just so glad you’re okay!” she said, ruffling his hair.

“Um, Adam…” Tommy said, looking sort of dazed.

Adam cringed. “Go watch some TV or something,” he said, then snagged Raja, tugging her into the kitchen, ignoring the indignant squawks and flailing as he dragged her.

“Okay, HEY!” she squeaked, snatching away, glaring. “I’m running late for a show, I had to get ready at home so I could make it over here and then still get there in time, so _what_?!”

Adam glared. “Did nobody tell you what happened to him?!” he hissed and she frowned.

“Yeah, I saw he had got hit in the head and read about him being in a coma for a day or something. Oh my God, is he okay?” he asked and Adam sighed, shoulders slumping. “Adam?”

“No, he’s not okay,” Adam whispered softly, lifting heartbroken eyes to meet his friend’s. “Pretty sure you just scarred him for life,” he said, smiling sadly. “He’s got amnesia-“

“WHAT?!” she gasped, gaping. “That actually happens?”

Adam nodded. “He’s been diagnosed with retrograde amnesia. He woke up thinking he was twenty-eight, it was two-thousand and nine, and with no idea who me or any of the others were,” he said and Raja’s eyes widened even more.

“So he…” she trailed off and Adam shook his head, sucking his lip between his teeth as it started quivering.

“He didn’t know who I was. He doesn’t remember me. I’ve explained it all and he’s handling it well enough, but as far as he knows, he’s a straight man who was working in a call center a week ago. He doesn’t remember ever playing bass as more than a ‘I think I can figure this out’ way, he doesn’t remember anything before a party the July before we met him,” he said, voice cracking.

Raja just opened her arms and hugged Adam, who leaned into her shoulder, shaking slightly. “God, so wait, he just got randomly assaulted by a big ol’ drag queen and he doesn’t know why?” she asked and Adam pulled back, laughing with a nod.

“He was giving me ‘SAVE ME!’ eyes the whole time he was smashed against your not-boobs.”

Raja just snickered. “Oh God, that poor baby. He’s probably shell shocked,” she said, then shook her head. “Shit, I really have to go, I didn’t realize how late I am,” she said, glancing at the clock. “Alright, I’ll come by this weekend and hang out with you guys. I expect you to call me tomorrow and explain it to me better,” she said, then rushed out. “BYE TOMMYJOE! KISSES!” she shouted, and Adam was still standing when he heard the door slam shut.

He laughed softly to himself and walked out, locking the door behind Raja before heading into the living room to check and see how Tommy was handling it.

When he stepped into the living room, Tommy looked up. “So, is this one of _those_ relationships?” he asked and Adam raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“You know,” Tommy waved a hand. “The kind where I’m clearly meant to be making out with other people in front of you,” he said simply. “Like, you know… commitment doesn’t equal monogamy-“ 

Adam laughed loudly. “No!” he said, doubling over. “No, oh God, no TommyJoe,” he said, sitting down beside him. “Okay, let me explain some,” he said and Tommy just watched him, waiting. “First off, _no_ ,” he stressed. “I mean, for some people that may be okay, they may not equate emotional commitment with sexual monogamy, but not me. I’m a jealous, possessive bastard, so like… you’re _my_ TommyJoe,” he said and Tommy nodded.

“Okay, so… kissing is clearly okay?” he asked and Adam smiled.

“Well, we sort of kiss each other all the time in our group of friends. That was one of my old friends who became one of your best friends. His name is Sutan Amrull, though in drag he’s called Raja. You guys jokingly call each other ‘life partner’ and he sort of loves you like a pet or something,” he said, shrugging. “You let him dress you up the first time you really spent time together so he’s going to love you forever now,” he explained.

“Ah, so… I let him dress me up? Good to know,” he said, then frowned. “Wait… do you mean-“

“In a skirt, yes,” Adam said, smirking. “We went on vacation about six or seven months past what you remember to Cabo, me and you and him and some of my other friends, and we dressed you up in drag. There are pictures everywhere. Also, there was a photo taken of us talking on my balcony and the press had a field day with ‘Adam Lambert spotted on vacation with man’,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Tommy nodded. “Right, so we really did end up close friends fast, huh?”

Adam smiled. “Definitely. You were still ‘straight’ then, and we’d only met in October, but I was taking you with me places _right_ after we met. You and I have so much in common and we clicked so well that we were practically best friends within a few months.”

Tommy smiled. “So this is a good relationship then? Like, not one of those ‘friends and relationship separate’ type things? We hang out with people together and stuff?” he asked.

Adam shrugged. “Well in a way yes, especially you and my friends, but some of your friends and I don’t really have anything to do with each other. But it’s not one of ‘those’ relationships, no. You’re my best friend in the whole world and that’s why I’m marrying you. I mean, I’ve stayed friends with my ex-boyfriends, but they weren’t my friends before they were my boyfriends. You were my best friend a long time before we got together. As far as I’m concerned, the most _true_ relationships are the ones that come from best friends falling in love.”

Tommy smiled. “I like the idea,” he offered. “I know I don’t remember but the more you tell me about our relationship, the more I think I can understand why I’m in it,” he said and Adam laughed.

“Well you should. You’re still you, nothing is really different, you just don’t remember.”

Tommy sighed. “My head hurts. The doctor said I’d have headaches for a little while and I think all this thinking has made my brain angry,” he said and Adam smiled sadly.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you,” he said and Tommy shrugged.

“You’re taking this so much better than you should have to. I mean, I’d like to think that the other way around, I’d have been freaking out,” he said softly.

Adam just sighed, looking down. “Come on, you wanna go take a nap? I’m pretty jet-lagged myself.” Tommy nodded and stood. Adam bit his lip as they got to the staircase. “Do… would you rather I let you be alone?” he asked and Tommy bit his lip, cringing.

“I don’t want to upset you-“

Adam just shook his head, heart sinking. “No, it’s okay, really. I know I’d feel weird having a person I don’t really know crawling into bed with me.”

Tommy just gave him an apologetic sigh. “I’m so sorry-“

“No, baby, no,” Adam said, sighing heavily. “It’s not your fault-“

“Yeah, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting you,” Tommy argued. “You’re right, I don’t know you, but that doesn’t mean it’s right to treat you like a stranger.”

Adam sighed. “Tommy, I’m tired, just be selfish for a minute and go rest. I’ll go nap in the guest room. It’s not a big deal, okay? We’ve got plenty of time to talk later and tons of stuff I need to explain to you. Don’t feel guilty for something that wasn’t your fault, please,” Adam asked and Tommy nodded.

“Okay, just… promise you’ll explain more later?” Tommy asked and Adam nodded.

“I promise.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After a few hours explaining most of the past three years over dinner, Adam was ready for Tommy’s questions. He had plenty. “Alright, so are we out-out or like… what?” Tommy asked, eating another grape.

Adam chuckled. “We were faking it while we were on tour, then when we got together we stopped and pretended we weren’t together, and then when we got engaged, we came completely out. I’ve always been out on my own but we went public when we got engaged.

Tommy nodded. “About that, why did we get engaged? Like… not why but how did we realize it was time to take that step or whatever. I mean, which of us brought it up or whatever?” he asked. “You told me about deciding _when_ to get married while watching The Crow, but was that like… when we decided to get engaged?”

Adam sighed happily at the memory. “Shockingly enough, you sprung it on me,” he said, and Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“I did? I’m not very romantic,” he said skeptically and Adam laughed.

“No, you really aren’t. It was one of the most un-romantic proposals but in that way it was _the_ most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life,” he said, and Tommy looked confused. Adam closed his eyes, remembering. “We were sitting here, watching some really shitty killer movie about a woman who got left at the altar and spent the next year murdering newlyweds and I was all ‘oh my God this is the worst movie ever made’ and you just turned to look at me and said ‘yeah it sucks’ and then you had this ‘oh hey!’ look on your face and went ‘dude, we should totally get married’ and I stared at you and you said you were serious and then I really stared at you, so you muted the television, sat up straight and faced me, smiled really wide and started talking about how cool it would be if we got married ‘so we should do it, right?’ and I couldn’t say _no_ ,” he said, grinning.

Tommy just laughed. “Wow, that’s horrible! Oh God, how is that so unromantic it’s romantic? That’s terrible.”

Adam smiled, shrugging sheepishly. “It’s the way that you didn’t make a big deal of it, you didn’t try and blow me away, you didn’t plan it out, you just realized in a simple moment ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with him’ and didn’t so much as ask me as inform me you would like to get married in a way that made it clear you knew without a doubt I’d want to do it as well.” He sighed. “It’s just a thing, really. What I love most about us is that it’s easy,” he explained. “Our relationship is frictionless really. Even when we bicker, we both don’t really mean it. We understand each other and have since we first met really. The words ‘real chemistry’ practically encompass everything about us. So your relaxed, carefree suggestion we get married was perfect for us. If it had been me, I’d have probably gone all out because that’s how I am. You always tease me but totally appreciate the energy I put into being romantic, but you also know that you don’t have to be so dramatic to make me happy. We’re so different but so alike at the same time.”

Tommy smiled. “I can see it. I really can. I just feel bad that I didn’t put more effort into something as big as getting engaged. I mean, that’s hardly a tale for the grandkids or something,” he said and Adam laughed.

“I just wish you could remember because then you wouldn’t feel bad. You would know it was perfect to me. Besides,” he added. “You don’t realize it, but for us it isn’t a big deal. We were doing wedding plans, sure, but to us, nothing can make our relationship any more solid.” Adam flinched. “Well, it’s good it’s like that now. I guess now we’re not getting married,” he said sadly.

Tommy felt his heart drop at the suddenly heartbroken look on Adam’s face. “Hey,” he said and Adam waved a hand.

“It’s okay. It isn’t a big deal, I guess. I mean… it wasn’t that important and besides, if you remember, we can just do it some other time-“

“Don’t cancel anything yet,” Tommy said and Adam raised an eyebrow. “Look, you may not be more than a really awesome person who is taking my absence of knowledge well right now, but I’m _going_ to remember some day, right? It’s only July, you could start cancelling the plans and have my memory come back before then.” He gave Adam an encouraging smile. “Just… wait it out and if I haven’t remembered by let’s say two weeks before Halloween, then you can cancel the wedding,” he said. “I may have this feeling like ‘your’ Tommy and I are totally different people, but I know without a doubt both he and I would hate to ruin your happy day, okay? Let’s hope I remember and focus on that because I’d really hate to remember and have already canceled our dream wedding.”

Adam smiled gratefully. “You’re still my Tommy, okay? You just don’t remember becoming mine.” He tilted his head. “You don’t even remember it but you’re still the same person. You act the same, you talk the same… the only real difference is how you don’t look at me the same way, but I know you will some day. I’ll wait for it because I know it’ll be there again.”

“I’m really sorry,” Tommy said softly. “I’m freaking out and I don’t even know what’s missing. I may not be big on the whole ‘love’ thing, but I can tell you’re really upset over this and I feel so bad for you. I know it isn’t my fault I got hurt so saying sorry is dumb, but I can’t help it. I really hope you understand what I mean.”

Adam chuckled. “Of course I do. You’re still a really compassionate man so I’m not surprised at all.” He shook his head. “It’s just hard,” he admitted.

Tommy just sighed. “I have to remember, dude. You kinda look like somebody kicked your puppy and you have a _really_ expressive face,” he pointed out. “It’s like… heartbreaking.”

Adam shook his head, grinning impishly. “I’d say something but ‘straight’ Tommy would probably freak out,” he said with a smirk.

Tommy rolled his eyes, cheeks heating up. “Oh my God, ew,” he said, pulling the pillow off the arm of the couch to cover his face with it. “Ewwww.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam got home from a really tense meeting with management, he heard giggling from the living room and frowned. “Tommy?” he called, only to step down into the living room and glare. “Alright, what?!” he asked and Tommy looked up.

“Hey, um, is this normal?” he asked with wide eyes caked in glittery makeup and curlers in his hair.

Adam glared at the offenders, Sutan and Terrance, as they sat to the side. “You jerks,” he started and Tommy frowned.

“Oh, so this isn’t normal?” he asked, tugging down his skirt. “I thought I’d be more comfortable with it if it was but I didn’t wanna hurt their feelings if this was something I normally do,” he said and Adam stalked over, sitting down beside Tommy.

“No, you’ve let Sutan dress you up once or twice, but _this_ -“ he plucked at the tube top and mini-skirt, complete with stockings pulled up his thigh. “Is not normal,” he said, and then frowned, looking at his legs. “At least they didn’t put you in a garter belt,” he said, and Tommy hummed, crossing his leg.

“I’m not wearing _anything_ under the skirt,” he said and Adam’s jaw dropped and he turned to Terrance and Sutan, who were smirking at each other.

“Oh we didn’t _molest_ him!” Terrance said and Adam glowered. “Sutan called me and told me that Tommy can’t remember anything and I’d seen him get hurt so we came over to check up on him, and… he did it!” he said, pointing at Sutan, who rolled his eyes.

“Tommy liked it, especially the heels,” he said dismissively.

Tommy crossed his arms. “You told me this was normal!”

“It is! I dress you up all the time-“

“No, you do his _makeup_ pretty and sometimes play with his hair,” Adam argued, sliding his arm around Tommy’s shoulders. “I can’t believe you put my already confused boyfriend in a _mini skirt_!” he stressed. He glanced down. “Although, I gotta admit, the stockings do it for those legs,” he said and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Hey,” he said, tugging his skirt down sheepishly. “Stop looking at my legs,” he said shyly.

Adam rolled his eyes. “Go put on some clothes,” he said, plucking the curlers out of his hair. “Lemme talk to Sutan and Terrance for a minute?” he asked and Tommy nodded, tugging the skirt down as he stood up and walked out, but not before flashing half an ass cheek to all of them. When he as gone, Adam glared at his friends. “You two abusive little shits,” he said and they both gave him offended looks, before bursting into giggles.

“Oh come on, it’s funny-“

“IT ISN’T FUNNY!” he shouted, silencing their laughs. “Sure, to you it seems like harmless fun, but think about what you’re doing! Tommy has no clue who you are. He has no clue what anything in his life is! He’s just trusting people to tell him what is and isn’t true and look at you!” he said, gesturing. “Sure, it’s not like you were telling him ‘oh, yeah, you smoke crack’ or something but you fucking lied to him because you thought it was funny,” he said, raging mad. “He’s not a game, okay?! He’s suffering a brain injury and you assholes just abused his trust for a laugh!” he cried, shaking his head in disbelief as he stood and started pacing. “I don’t even believe that. I just-“

“Adam, it was fun, Tommy was having fun, it was stress relief for him if anything,” Sutan said, standing up. “And you know us! We wouldn’t get him into trouble, it’s not like we’ve _never_ played dress up” he said and Adam just shook his head.

“You have no idea,” he said coldly and Sutan smiled comfortingly, reaching out to rub his shoulder. “You have no idea how bad it scares me he just trusted you-“

“He should, I love him nearly as much as you do, Adam,” Sutan argued and Adam just laughed humorlessly.

“But he doesn’t _know_! Hell the only reason he probably let you in is because you showed up that night and I told him how close friends you guys are! He doesn’t know who Terrance is as far as I know. He has no clue. You two just… took advantage of that trust and it’s not right no matter how harmless it was,” he said, shaking his head firmly as he crossed his arms.

Terrance made a confused sound. “You know, I never thought I’d get the mom-scolding from Adam,” he said to Sutan, who grinned.

“Adam’s just being a responsible grown up,” he teased and Adam rolled his eyes.

“Adam’s just stressed out,” he admitted, then went to sit down. “Tommy’s just… he feels guilty, guys. He’s the one suffering brain damage and he keeps apologizing for not knowing things,” he said, shoulders slumping. “He doesn’t- He’s taking this so well but it’s almost too well. I want him to sort of just freak out on me because I’m freaked out, you know?!” he said. “I’m sleeping in the guest room and he keeps trying to tell me it’s okay to sleep in our bed so when I tell him I’m doing it so I don’t like… curl up around him in my sleep or something and freak him out, and he keeps going ‘no, it’s okay, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this’ and _he_ is the one with amnesia, I should be telling him I’m sorry he’s dealing with this-“

Adam didn’t even realize he was starting to hyperventilate until Sutan sat and pulled him into his chest, hugging him with his long skinny arms as he fought to catch his breath, eyes shut. “It’s okay,” Sutan said, petting his hair.

“It’s _not_ ,” he said weakly. “Tommy isn’t okay,” he said, chewing on his lip as his old friend hugged him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sutan and Terrance stood up to hug Tommy before they left, leaving Adam sitting on the couch with his legs curled under him. Tommy came walking over and flopped down. “So, how did the meeting go?” he asked and Adam groaned.

“They don’t want us to tell that you’ve got amnesia,” he said. “They want us to play it off because THAT will be a PR nightmare.”

Tommy hummed. “That’s probably best, right?” he asked and Adam raised an eyebrow. “If everybody knows I don’t remember anybody can say anything about me and I won’t be able to deny it. Think of how many people will claim they slept with me or saw me hit somebody or some shit like that. I couldn’t deny it since I don’t know. I mean, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do that, but you know what I mean?”

Adam hummed. “Yeah, last we need is some fan saying you got her pregnant or something,” he said and Tommy frowned.

“I wouldn’t do that, would I?” he asked, looking upset.

Adam shook his head, smiling. “I may be possessive but I’m never suspicious with you. I sorta get all ‘back off my man, bitch!’ sometimes but I always know it’s them not you. You don’t know it, but you’re sort of really ridiculously in love with me,” he teased and Tommy laughed.

“It’s so weird to think _I_ am so in love with someone I’m engaged. I’ve never been in love before,” he said, shaking his head. “Never even close.”

Adam gave him a sad smile. “I know. We danced around each other for so long because I was afraid of falling in love with a straight boy since that was a recipe for disaster and you were afraid of falling in love period. I pissed you off because I suggested to somebody you were afraid of falling for a man when you were straight and we had a big fight because you couldn’t believe I thought that when you’d let me touch you and kiss you for so long. I told you you didn’t have to be a homophobe to not want to fall for the wrong person but you were _pissed_ I thought gender had any role in it. You’re so fucking militant about your openness and acceptance. You used to get more upset at people calling somebody a fag than I did and I’m the one that’s been gay forever.”

Tommy made a face. “I hate that shit. That wasn’t a _you_ development. I mean, the touching and kissing and shit and all the clothes and makeup were clearly a _you_ thing, or a thing to get to you, whatever. But when I was in high school we had two male cheerleaders and everybody gave them shit and it pissed me off. I would get in fights with the guys on the football team all the time because I’d see them all getting those looks and pointing and whispering whenever one of the guys on the cheerleading squad came by and I’d walk past and call them pussies or whistle at a girlfriend or whatever so I could fight them since I’d rather kick some ass than see them emotionally abuse two guys who were probably actually straight anyways,” he said, then smirked. “Should’ve seen where those dudes got to put their hands, man,” he said and Adam made a face.

“I suspect most male cheerleaders are at least bi, because seriously, I’m better with it NOW, but I was so gay as a teenager the idea of putting my hand that close to a vagina freaked me out. Nobody _knew_ , I took girls to dances and shit to pretend, but ew,” he said and Tommy laughed.

“I like you, you make me laugh,” Tommy admitted and Adam smiled.

“Well, I’d hope so. Something made you fall for me,” he said and Tommy shrugged.

“Apparently so,” he said, smirking. “Guess what I did today!” he said, going to grab the laptop from the table on the other couch.

“Oh no,” Adam said, cringing. “Tell me it didn’t involve Google-“

“No, just YouTube,” Tommy said, smirking as Adam groaned and covered his face. “Apparently, I’m a submissive little shit,” he joked and Adam smiled as he opened up a page.

“It’s an act,” he said and Tommy shot him a look. “Well, mostly,” he said, winking.

“Dude, I’m a horrible actor. I may have _told_ you it was an act, but that is beyond my abilities,” Tommy reassured.

Adam raised an eyebrow. “Really? You told me you really liked playing it up. I just figured you were a pretty decent actor. You’re a good liar, you can trick people all the time, why not act submissive?” He shrugged. “We’re not like that off stage at all. If anything you push me to the edge of my nerves with you pranking our friends and being an all around messy little _guy_ ,” he said and Tommy shrugged.

“I think it’s the way you act on stage,” he said. “I don’t _know_ and I’m definitely not into kinky submission and shit that is _not_ my game now at least,” he explained. “But you sorta act like a sex god in all these videos so I’m probably kinda… overwhelmed maybe?” he said, shrugging. “Or it could just be the fact that, we weren’t together then, right?” Adam shook his head. “Well, you’re really hot. I mean, for me now it’s an objective kind of hot, but if I was falling for you, you getting all ‘RAWR’ on me would probably have me fighting boners and I can’t really do anything but _let_ you if I’m trying to play bass, not get hard, and remember what song is next,” he said. “No way to do anything but just let you do whatever.”

Adam laughed. “I’m ‘rawr’?” he asked and Tommy snorted.

“Have you _seen_ these videos? You’d grab my hair and snatch me around like your personal sex doll. And dude, I’m not even really into you like that _personally_ at the moment and I’m pretty sure I want to kiss you just to see if you’re really as good as it looks,” he said, earning a grin.

“You always tell other people I’m a better kisser than most anybody else, but you could just be trying to make me sound awesome and tease the fans,” he conceded. “Besides, I like real kisses better. The ones on stage are fun but I prefer the little kisses and romantic kisses,” he said, sighing as he looked at Tommy with a distant, nostalgic look in his eyes. “On the nights I stay in a room of my own since I was working a lot and you were partying at night and we just didn’t have time together and we knew we’d wake each other up, you would get up early and meet me at the door on my way out to give me a kiss. Just a good morning kiss before going back to your room and going back to bed while I got to work,” he said softly.

Tommy smiled sadly. “I wish I could remember.”

“I know,” Adam said, nodding in understanding.

Tommy made a face. “I don’t like this. I mean… you’re hurt and I know it isn’t my _fault_ but I can’t make you not sad. I barely know you, so I understand why you might expect me to be even more freaked out about this than you, but the way I see it, I’m missing three years but at least I don’t _know_ what’s missing.” Adam flinched. “You love me. I can tell you do because of the way you look at me. I know I can trust you.”

“You shouldn’t, though,” Adam said, sighing. “I’m a random guy who CLAIMS to only want what’s best for you. How do you know I’m not an asshole who will manipulate you into doing shit I’ve wanted you to do but you haven’t?”

Tommy shook his head. “You wouldn’t. Your eyes are very honest.”

Adam groaned, flopping against the back of the couch. “You’re very stubborn. Even with brain damage you’re stubborn,” he said, making a face.

Tommy reached out and grabbed his hand. “I just want to make this easier on you. You’re a good man from what I see and hear. I’m lucky to have you, I guess.”

Adam just closed his eyes. “Fuck, you’re ridiculously earnest even when you don’t _know_ me,” he breathed, and then leaned over, tugging Tommy into a hug. Tommy went with it, wrapping his arms around Adam’s neck, hugging him close. “Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem, really,” Tommy reassured, patting Adam’s back comfortingly.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy was a little overwhelmed by the flashbulbs all around them. He was hanging off of Adam’s arm as they strutted along the red carpet, Adam charming photographers and interviewers alike while Tommy just smiled a slightly panicked smile.

They had agreed not to let on that Tommy was suffering amnesia, but that meant he didn’t get to skive off of going to an awards show with Adam. Adam was nominated for something- Tommy had no clue- and though he wasn’t likely to get it, he needed to be there just in case. Tommy was really very not ready for all the flashbulbs going off in his eyes. Not by a long shot.

Tommy let Adam drag him along, only to gasp as Adam suddenly whirled him around, smiling down at him widely. “I’m really sorry but I’ve got to kiss you for the cameras,” he hissed and Tommy nodded blankly, squeaking softly when Adam leaned down to kiss him. Tommy wasn’t prepared for any kiss, but he was even less prepared for such a slow, sweet, _tender_ kiss. He’d seen Adam eat his face, he’d seem them suck on each other’s tongues, and he’d see tiny, chaste pecks, but this- a slow, small, genuine kiss- was confusing him more than anything else.

Tommy had never, to his memory, kissed someone so much taller, nor someone with such a strong, dominant presence. Adam had one hand on his lower back, the other clutching the arm Tommy had around Adam to keep from falling, and was kissing him like he was the most precious thing Adam had.

Tommy kissed back as best he could, but he didn’t really get it right until he realized something he wasn’t ready for…

He _was_ the most precious thing Adam had. Frightening, awkward, strange or not, Tommy couldn’t help softening the kiss a little, sighing as it ended just when it began to get good. When he looked up, he saw a sad expression in Adam’s eyes and was grateful Adam was able to mask the rest of his sadness with a giant, crowd pleasing smile.

Once they got inside, Adam tugged him to the side a bit. “Look, I’m sorry-“

Tommy shook his head. “Adam, we’re engaged. I know what that means. And besides, apparently I wasn’t lying, you are a good kisser,” he said, smirking.

Adam laughed, shoulders sagging in relief. “God, you’re too amazing for me. Way too amazing,” he said, kissing his jaw sweetly. “Let’s go find our seats,” he said and Tommy nodded, letting Adam lead him around.

“You know, I could get used to this,” Tommy admitted as Adam pulled out his chair for him at their table, making him blush some at the gesture. “I’m used to being the ‘man’ on a night out,” he said and Adam shrugged.

“We’re both men, I just like treating you right. I sort of get off on spoiling the man I love,” he said and Tommy didn’t bother holding in the laughter he felt bubbling to the surface at Adam’s proclamation.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy was happily asleep when the bed dipped beside him. “TommyJoe,” Adam’s voice cajoled.

“Nnnng nooo,” he whined, flopping on his tummy. “Why’re you here?” he whined.

Adam laughed. “You gotta get up, baby,” he said, putting a hand on his back. “Monte’s here.”

Tommy lifted his head out from under the covers and blinked sleepily up at Adam, who was sitting beside him. He wiggled around on his side and yawned. “Monte was at the hospital, right?” he asked and Adam nodded, a sad look on his face. Tommy stretched, wiggling some before smiling up at Adam. “You know, you’re cute in the morning,” he said and Adam laughed.

“Have you not seen me in the morning since you’ve been back home?” Adam asked and Tommy shook his head.

“I like how your hair’s sort of wavy and everywhere. And you look good without makeup,” Tommy said with a sleepy smile.

Adam grinned. “You used to say that all the time when we first started waking up together,” he said, reaching out to push Tommy’s bangs away from his eyes. “I love waking up and watching you sleep,” he admitted. “Lately there’s never time and the new-factor wore off, but you make the cutest faces in your sleep,” he said and Tommy frowned.

“I make faces?”

Adam nodded. “When you scrunch up your nose and make a little throat-giggle, that’s my favorite,” he said, stroking his fingertip along Tommy’s forehead. “You’re so small when you’re asleep or sleepy. You always come across smaller than you are, but asleep you feel like a little doll sometimes.”

Tommy smiled a happy, sleepy smile. “I wish I could see myself the way you clearly see me. I just can’t imagine ever calling myself ‘cute’ or ‘like a doll’,” he said, making a face.

Adam smiled sadly. “You’ve gotten used to it over the time we’ve been together. Whenever you remember it’ll make sense,” he said softly. “Alright, Monte’s gonna be pissed. Get up and meet him downstairs,” he said and Tommy yawned.

“Alright, but only cause you asked nicely,” he teased, winking at Adam. Adam smiled and turned to leave. “Adam?” Tommy called and Adam turned back. Tommy blushed slightly. “I-“ He cleared his throat. “Do you think maybe you can come sleep in bed with me tonight?” he asked. “I know you’re trying to give me space, but I’m supposed to be following a regular day routine, right? I doubt that involves you sleeping in the guest room.”

Adam smiled hopefully. “You wouldn’t be weirded out having me in bed with you? I gotta be honest, I tend to wake up snuggling the shit out of you,” he joked.

Tommy nodded. “I’m okay with it. I mean, you’re my fiancé, I’ve got to get used to you touching me. Even if I don’t remember soon, we’ve gotta go in public more soon so I have to be comfortable with you being as close to me as you were when I was close back.”

Adam just shook his head. “You’re so strong, baby,” he whispered, turning to leave without another word, leaving Tommy to contemplate what that might mean.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The first night they went to bed together, it wasn’t as awkward as Adam could have feared, since Tommy didn’t join him until after he’d been asleep a while. Adam woke up momentarily as Tommy slid into the bed, but after that he was back asleep.

In the morning, Tommy didn’t even bother freaking out when he woke up with Adam’s arm around his waist. Adam had warned him and, honestly, Tommy had always liked touch, so snuggling didn’t bother him at all.

Tommy could tell Adam seemed happier as they ate breakfast together, though it was eleven by the time they had actually gotten up. Adam had to go do some things that afternoon but he had told Tommy a friend was coming over to hang out with him for a while, just to talk to him some since it had been so long.

Tommy was alone when the doorbell rang so he hoped to God it was the friend coming over, he couldn’t remember the name, not somebody else. When he answered the door, he eyed the man, only to jump when he squeaked and pounced at Tommy, hugging him. “TommyJoe!” he cried, then giggled. “Aww, babycakes it’s been too long!” he said, swatting Tommy’s ass as he walked past him. “Oh where is my brain, you don’t remember me-“

“Adam said your name, but I forgot,” he admitted and the guy rolled a pair of big brown eyes at Tommy.

“It’s Brad, you dumb ass,” he said, then giggled. “Or maybe he introduced me as Cheeks?” he asked, shrugging as he grabbed Tommy’s hand and dragged him to the living room. “Come on, talk to meee! Tell me all about how you’re doing!” he said and Tommy just let him drag him over. “God, I’ve been so busy I haven’t seen you in ages!” he said, then flopped down on the couch, facing Tommy. “So, what’s up?” he asked with a bright, peppy tone in his voice.

Tommy shrugged. “Amnesia,” he said and Brad nodded. 

“That sucks,” he said, and Tommy laughed.

“Yeah it really does,” he said, then hummed. “So, when Adam said ‘a friend’, you’re one of his friends, right? Cause all my friends combined would _maybe_ have the amount of energy you have,” he joked and Brad laughed.

“Yes, you met me through Adam, but I’m your friend too,” he said, laying a hand on Tommy’s arm. “I’ve liked you ever since we met, way back when you’d just joined Adam’s band. You liked me automatically too. I think it’s cause we’re both so pretty and small, but that’s just me,” he said, and Tommy smiled.

“I can see it. I like your energy,” he said honestly. He’d been trying to be as honest as he could, hoping it would convey the instincts he couldn’t remember. “Did you like me too?” he asked and Brad rolled his eyes.

“Girl, I was a jealous little bitch, but I liked you once I got over myself,” he said and Tommy frowned.

“Jealous of what?” he asked and Brad laughed.

“Well, you don’t know this even without amnesia, but basically, when you first met Adam, you sort of stole his heart right then and there because a few days after he had met you, he came to me all excited about his ‘awesome new friend Tommy that’s so pretty and small and has awesome tattoos but he’s straight, duh, so he’s just my friend’-“ Tommy laughed at the dramatic Adam impression Brad was doing. “And I was honestly a little jealous because Adam hadn’t been so obviously drawn to somebody or interested in someone like that since we were together and even if we had just been friends for years by then, I still kinda liked being ‘the only boy Adam ever went silly for’ and there he was going silly over you and I felt less special,” he said, shrugging.

Tommy hummed. “So… you and Adam used to be together? And you’re friends with his fiancé?” he asked in confusion. 

Brad laughed. “Of course, babe! Adam’s amazing about staying friends with his exes. You’re friends with other boys he’s been with too, just not as good of friends. Plus Adam’s a one-track guy when it comes to loving someone, you know you never have to worry about his eyes straying,” he said, and then cringed. “Well, you knew it. I mean obviously now you don’t know that,” he said apologetically.

Tommy sighed. “I don’t ‘know’ much anymore, honestly,” he admitted. “I remember being straight and I wake up engaged to a man. You can see how much I don’t get.”

Brad cringed. “Ew, that sucks,” he said, then tilted his head. “You really don’t remember anything?” he asked and Tommy shook his head. “God, baby, I’m so sorry,” he said, tugging Tommy into a hug. “Oh my God, you poor thing. I hope you remember soon. Aren’t you getting married pretty soon?” he asked and Tommy sighed.

“Adam wanted to go ahead and cancel the wedding but it’s still a few months so I thought it’s better to not cancel anything until we’re sure I won’t remember,” he said and Brad shook his head.

“That’s a damn shame. You guys have been SO excited for the past year about this wedding. You’ve got most of it all planned and ready. All that was left was the cake and your tuxes,” he said, giving him a sad pout.

Tommy sighed. “I really wish he’d just go ahead and let’s go on with the wedding even if I don’t remember. I mean… I’ve GOT to remember someday, right?” he said, shrugging. “I know Adam’s trying to just… back off but honestly even if I’m still getting to know him, he’s cool and I’m not going to just leave him if I don’t remember anytime soon. Eventually I’ve gotta remember.”

Brad laughed. “What about the fact you’re straight in your head right now? That doesn’t factor into that at all?” he asked with an amused look.

Tommy shrugged. “Obviously I’m not straight, I’m marrying a guy, so why bother trying to work that shit out? He’s a cool person, I can see why I fell for him anyways. He’s sort of awesome most of the time so it isn’t like I wouldn’t fall for him again if for some reason I DIDN’T get my memory back.”

Brad just shook his head. “Aww, you really are the sweetest baby ever,” he said, hugging him again.

Tommy just laughed. “I like how many hugs I’ve gotten recently,” he joked and Brad laughed, falling back against the couch at Tommy’s smug look.

“I lied, you’re a shit,” he said, rolling his eyes at the blond.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam got home, he was happy to see Tommy and Brad talking and laughing together. “Hey guys,” he said, and Tommy turned to look at him.

“Adam! Hey,” he said, getting up to go give him a hug. “I’m a hug slut,” he announced and Adam laughed, squeezing him.

“Well yeah, but that’s nothing new,” he teased and Tommy smiled.

“I’m gonna order take-out, we want Chinese, what do you like?” he asked.

Adam told Tommy what to order then walked into the living room while Tommy ran upstairs to get his phone and order. Brad stood and walked over, hugging Adam. “How are you doing?” Brad asked and Adam knew exactly what he meant.

Adam sighed, deflating some. “Dealing,” he said and Brad shook his head. “How was Tommy today?” he asked and Brad smiled sadly.

“He’s the same guy but I can tell he has no idea what to do with himself,” he said and Adam nodded sadly. Brad smiled up at him mischievously. “He’s still in love with you, you know?” he said and Adam rolled his eyes.

“He thinks he’s straight,” he argued and Brad shook his head.

“I know he doesn’t think about it consciously, it’s easy to see he’s confused a lot,” he said, then smiled hopefully. “But he still is. I can tell it in the way he talks about you. I mean… I don’t know, maybe it’s something deeper than memory, something instinctual, but it’s in his eyes and in the way he speaks of you and his body language when he’s talking about you,” he said and Adam sat down heavily, sighing into his hands. Brad sat down beside him and put a hand on his arm. “Adam, he’s going to remember-“

“What if he doesn’t?” Adam asked. “I’m so scared he won’t remember me and life is about timing, Brad. He’ll never fall for me twice, I may lose him.”

Brad shook his head. “He told me he wants to go ahead with the wedding. He says he’s going to remember some day so it’s stupid to not go ahead with your dream wedding. He also said ‘even if I don’t remember, it isn’t like I won’t just fall for him again’ so he intends to fall back in love with you,” he reassured and Adam shook his head.

“He can’t decide who he loves, okay? Love isn’t something you pick, it’s something that you can’t fight-“

“Adam, you two, prior to this accident, were more deeply in love than any couple I’ve ever seen,” Brad stressed. “Love that strong isn’t just opportunistic, it’s fate, sweetie.”

Adam just smiled weakly. “I hope so,” he whispered, then sighed. “Thank you for hanging out with him. I know you’re really busy and all-“

Brad rolled his eyes. “Adam, you know I would do anything in the world for you. I love you two to death and Tommy needs as many friends as he can get right now while you need reassurance he’s got somebody there,” he said, grabbing his wrist. “I’m never too busy for my friends, babe!”

Adam laughed. “I’ll remember that when I need bridesmaids-“

“Bitch, you know I’d look fabulous in a dress,” he teased, laughing. They both looked up as the thumps of Tommy stepping down into the living room caught their attention. “Tommy, wouldn’t I look great in a dress?” he asked, striking a pose.

Tommy grinned. “Hell yeah! Much better than me in a miniskirt,” he said and Adam groaned.

“I’m never letting Sutan near you alone ever again,” he said, giving Tommy a surprise look when he plopped down practically in his lap. Tommy just ignored his look and snuggled into his side pointedly, grabbing Adam’s right hand to pull around his middle, looking down at Adam’s ring curiously as he held his hand.

Brad smiled at Adam and Adam shrugged, offering his hand more readily for Tommy’s inspection without another word.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was surprised when Tommy came down from practicing with Monte in the music room and plopped right across his lap. “It’s weird. Playing all the songs feel easier than it should be to learn ‘new’ songs,” he said. “I guess its muscle memory but it’s still freaky.”

Adam smiled. “Well, your body still remembers, so that’s good,” he joked and Tommy chuckled, and then hummed, wiggling around. “What are you doing, Glitterbaby?” Adam asked, laughing when Tommy rubbed his cheek against Adam’s shirt. 

“ _This_ feels weirdly familiar,” he said, curling into Adam’s chest. “Do we do this a lot? Like, curl up like this?” he asked.

Adam shrugged. “Not a lot, but you have randomly sat in my lap before and stuff,” he said. “You snuggle into my chest all the time though. Laying down, standing up, curled in bed… you love that I’m wide enough that you fit just right in my arms and you’re the right height standing that you fit right under my chin against my chest,” he explained.

Tommy smiled. “I feel like a kitty,” he admitted, nuzzling into Adam’s shirt again. “It’s like… I could fall asleep right here,” he said, one hand fisted in the tail of Adam’s shirt as he closed his eyes, pressing against his chest, smiling faintly when he felt Adam’s heart thumping against his cheek. “Thump-thump,” he said playfully and Adam laughed, cuddling him.

“You’re recognizing things, you just aren’t _remembering_ ,” he said. “However, that’s good, at least we know it’s there,” he said and Tommy nodded.

“I just need my brain to heal enough to fix those pathways,” he said and Adam nodded, cuddling Tommy close while he still had the chance.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy was looking for a scarf he’d seen Adam wearing a few days before when he stumbled across a scrapbook that was orange and black with the words ‘A&T’s Special Day Planner’ up on top of one of Adam’s shelves. He pulled it down and opened it to the first page, only to smile when he saw the date ‘October 31, 2012’ written in big letters. He realized he had found their wedding plans so far and took the book, going to sit on the bed with the book in his lap.

He flipped through the pages, laughing when he found a page full of different ideas for wedding cakes with scribbled notes in his scribbly handwriting and Adam’s loopy scrawl.

‘Adam, I am not Sally, you are not Jack. We are not having a Nightmare Before Christmas wedding cake’

‘It’s pretty though! Black and blue and purple and sparkles! We are sure as hell not having a ‘bloody’ cake!’

‘Why not?’

It was adorable. Tommy flipped through and saw the book was filled with clippings and print outs of table settings and other various wedding accoutrements, all accompanied by his and Adam’s notes and opinions beside them. He even blushed a little when he saw random cute little scribbles in his own handwriting of ‘T<3A’ and little hearts around the initials TJ+AL. It was such a sappy high school sweethearts thing to do that Tommy was somewhat ashamed of himself, only to see replies in the form of hearts and an added ‘= forever’ after some of his scribbles in the margins. It was so adorable Tommy couldn’t help but wonder, since he couldn’t remember the process of falling for Adam the first time, how he ended up with someone so adorable as his fiancé. Tommy was pretty sure that, even though he didn’t remember with his brain, that his heart still loved Adam. He’d noticed how it would skip beats when Adam sat beside him, or the way he felt happy when Adam let him curl up on the couch with him.

It was nice.

And Tommy could see the way Adam looked at him. He would look up sometimes and catch Adam looking at him with a faraway look and a fond smile and it made him feel bad that he didn’t remember how to return the adoring look and mean it.

Tommy flipped to another page and gasped, fingertips touching the page as he saw the outfits. There were four different ones, two labeled A and two labeled T and spaces where there had been more, suggesting they had whittled it down to two each. Both were very dramatic looking. One set were matching tuxes with tails, one all black and one all white, and the other set was very intricately designed tuxes that appeared to be very nineteenth century with buttons and frills and cravats. He liked both sets. They were beautiful. 

Tommy turned the page and blinked upon finding the mock up of their wedding invitations. There was one version showing them closed, the antique looking parchment closed with a red ribbon and wax seal, and one open, showing a beautifully shot black and white photo of Adam and Tommy looking into each other’s eyes with their foreheads together on the top flap, the invitation information below on the middle portion, and then on the bottom flap was a skeleton interpretation of the photo from above.

Tommy couldn’t believe how much work had gone into planning their wedding. He looked at the photo of him and Adam and wondered if he had ever seen himself looking at someone that way. He continued through the planner, only to see that, on the back flap, was a check list of things to be completed and when they needed to be done. He saw how much of the list was complete and shook his head. He couldn’t let Adam cancel the wedding they had worked so hard on together. The only things left were making final decisions on the details. The important reservations were all made and they clearly had their hearts set on the Halloween wedding.

“TommyJoe?” Tommy looked up and smiled when Adam walked in. “Hey,” he said, smiling as he came and flopped down on his belly beside Tommy, propping on his elbows to look at him. “Whatcha doin?” he asked, then smiled when he saw the wedding planner. 

Tommy smiled. “This is awesome,” he said, closing the book to hold up to him. “Did you do all of this?” he asked.

Adam chuckled. “I did the whole ‘scrapbooking’ thing but we both worked on it,” he said, then sat up on his knees, taking the book from Tommy to look at. “We worked so hard to make our wedding fun and different and perfect,” he said with a sad smile. He shook his head, smile slipping off his face as he stood up, tossing the book onto the bed. Tommy saw the upset look on his face as he walked towards the bathroom, disappearing without another word.

Tommy cringed. It hurt to see Adam look so upset. He picked up the book and shook his head, making up his mind. There was no way he was going to let Adam miss his big day. He had to convince Adam to continue finishing planning the wedding.

No matter what.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy came down with the wedding book and smiled nervously when he spotted Adam sitting at the kitchen table writing something. “Adam,” he said, walking over tentatively.

Adam sighed and sat up, looking up. “Yeah, baby?” he asked, sliding back from the table to turn to Tommy.

“Are you busy?” Tommy asked and Adam shook his head. Tommy smiled and went to sit right in his lap, laying the book on the table. “We should talk,” he said, and Adam eyed the book and nodded, wrapping one hand around the outside of Tommy’s thigh and the other arm around his middle.

“About what?” he asked Tommy, who slid one arm around Adam’s neck to hang on.

Tommy opened the book and pulled it closer to them. “We _are_ getting married, Adam, and there are a few things left that we have to do,” he said and Adam sighed, letting his forehead drop to Tommy’s shoulder.

“I’m not marrying you until you remember, Tommy,” he stressed. “I cannot in good conscience marry a man who doesn’t remember me prior to a few months ago.” He squeezed Tommy’s leg. “I’m sorry, TommyJoe, but unless you magically remember within the next three weeks, I can’t marry you,” he said with a sad look on his face.

Tommy narrowed his eyes. “Adam, I’m not letting you not get the dream wedding we planned together. I can tell from everything I’ve seen that we’re the happiest couple together-“

“Were, Tommy,” Adam said, looking annoyed and hurt. “I love you with everything in me, I swear, but you don’t love me, okay? You do deep down but consciously you _don’t_ love me. I can’t make you marry me,” he said, then reached out to take Tommy’s hand in his, thumb touching his engagement ring. “Tommy…” he bit his lip, staring at the rings. Tommy watched him and felt his heart drop. “What if you never remember and… you never fall in love with me again? What if you change your mind about the guy thing? I can’t take the risk of marrying you and you leaving me.” He looked up sadly. “It would break my heart, TommyJoe.”

Tommy saw the sad look in his eyes and was startled by how much he _hated_ it. “Adam,” he said with a small smile, shaking his head. “I’m not going to do that,” he said, stroking his fingers through Adam’s thick, dark hair.

“How can you know?” Adam asked uneasily.

Tommy smiled, biting his lip. “Because, Adam, I can feel it here,” he said, tugging Adam’s hand up to press it over his heart. “I’ve gotten to know you and even when I didn’t know you that well, I felt it. I don’t understand it, but you’re in there. I just have to remember it with my brain as well.” He felt a skip in the beat of his heart as he saw Adam’s eyes soften. “And if I don’t,” he started and Adam’s hold tightened on him. He held the hand over his heart close and smiled. “I’ll just have to keep falling,” he said simply.

Adam smiled but he looked uneasy still. “I still don’t feel right-“ He was silenced as Tommy kissed him. It was gentle and innocent, but it was still Tommy kissing him just because he could. Tommy cupped his cheek, changing the angle of the kiss so that it wasn’t awkward and slowly deepened the kiss for just a moment before breaking it. Adam swallowed thickly, eyes still shut. “Um, what?”

Tommy smiled, leaning his forehead against Adam’s. “I feel it, I know you do, so it’s not like I won’t fall in love with you again. I’m still weird a tiny bit about the fact I’ve never, in my mind, dated a man, but I am seriously attracted to you as a person. I can see without a doubt in the world why we became so close and you’re hot, so it’s obviously not too weird to be attracted to you physically.” He shrugged, plucking at Adam’s hair as he opened his eyes to look at Tommy. “I’ll either remember or fall for you again and make new memories with you.”

Adam smiled sadly. “I love you,” he reassured, then shook his head. “But no, Tommy. Unless you remember agreeing to marry me, I’m not marrying you in five weeks. It’s insane,” he said, kissing his cheek. “I may ask to marry you again someday if you don’t remember in a few weeks, but I can’t marry somebody who has only known me for three months. I just can’t,” he said sadly.

Tommy sighed. “I just want you to be happy.”

Adam kissed his lips chastely. “I’ll be happy as long as I have you with me. I’m still grateful you only got amnesia instead of me losing you.”

Tommy made a face and climbed off of Adam. “You are too logical for your own good, I swear,” he grumbled, stalking out without another word.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Tommy laid back, fully relaxed even with the sting of the tattoo needle against the inside of his leg. “This is ridiculous,” Adam said from his side, sitting on a stool next to them._

_Tommy shrugged. “I’m sure Jeff down here’s been a lot worse places than my thigh, dude. At least I kept on my underwear,” he said and the tattoo artist chuckled as he started on another digit._

_Adam rolled his eyes. “I meant getting that tattoo on your leg. I mean, come on, we’ve only been together a few months, Tommy. That shit is for_ life _,” he stressed._

_Tommy laughed. “It’s on my inner thigh, I think anybody who isn’t you or me sees it in the future will be too distracted to notice,” he pointed out and Adam rolled his eyes. “Besides, it’s not like I’m getting your name tattooed on my ass, it’s just a date.”_

Tommy jerked awake, blinking. He frowned as he remembered his dream. It felt so real. He rolled onto his back and nudged Adam, who was curled up facing away from him. “Adam,” he said, elbowing him. “Adam,” he said again and Adam grumbled, rolling over half on his chest.

“Shhhh,” Adam hissed, sleepily flopping a hand over Tommy’s mouth. “Sleepy. Early,” he grumbled adorably.

Tommy bit his hand lightly. “Adam!”

Adam lifted his head, blinking sleepily. “Huh?”

Tommy turned to him, sitting up on his elbows. “Adam, were you there when I got the tattoo on my thigh?” he asked and Adam groaned.

“Tommy, it’s too early to talk about tattoos!” he whined, head thumping back to the pillow. “Seriously, it’s only six-“

“Was the man who did it named Jeff?” Tommy asked and Adam froze mid-speech and shot up, eyes widening.

“Who told you that?” he asked. “Nobody else should know that because-“

Tommy felt his heart swell. “Because it was just me and you going to get it done,” he finished and Adam nodded dumbly. “Adam… I just dreamed about that,” he said and Adam blinked. “You told me it was stupid to get that tattooed on me and I said it wasn’t like it was-“

Adam bit his lip, fighting a smile. “A tattoo of my name on your ass,” he finished and Tommy _beamed_. “Tommy…”

Tommy bounced some. “I _remember something_!” he stressed.

Adam just beamed, sighing in relief as he fell back onto his back. “The memories are still there,” he said weakly yet happily. “Tommy, this means the memories are still there, your brain just can’t access them yet-“

“Which means I _can_ remember,” Tommy said, grabbing Adam’s hand firmly. “It’s there, the pathways are only damaged, the memories aren’t wiped out because of damaged memory storing tissue, I will remember!” he cried, then jumped onto Adam, hugging him.

Adam didn’t even bother feeling awkward, he just hugged him back.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Adam, what’s the big deal?” Monte asked as Adam nearly dragged him down the hall. “Dude-“

“You need to get to work with Tommy,” he said, fidgeting. “He needs to finish relearning the songs. I think that’s what helped him,” he said, and Tommy came skipping down the stairs.

“MONTE I REMEMBERED SOMETHING!” he said, hugging the older man. “Adam, I told you, playing the music isn’t what helped, I just dreamed and it happened to be a memory,” he said and Adam shrugged.

“Can’t hurt to try though, right?” he asked, catching Tommy, kissing the top of his head. “I’m gonna start looking at tuxes again, just in case,” he said with an uneasy smile. “Maybe you will remember before the wedding after all,” he said and Tommy smirked.

“I told you I would, asshole. Just didn’t believe me, did you?” he asked, shaking his head.

Adam smiled. “I know, I know. But I had a valid reason to worry, you know?” he said, cupping Tommy’s cheek in his hand.

Tommy just shook his head. “No, you’re hardheaded, that’s what it is,” he said, then turned. “Come on, Monte, let’s go make Adam happy and practice some more songs,” he said, tugging Monte after him. Monte just laughed, following Tommy as he went.

As soon as they got upstairs, Tommy shut the door to the practice space and turned on Monte. “I need your help,” he said quickly.

Monte frowned. “Why?”

Tommy bit his lip. “The wedding is in five weeks. I’ve got three to convince Adam I remember enough for him to marry me,” he said. “You have to teach me everything you can about being Tommy Ratliff,” he all but begged. “I remembered one thing, I might remember more, but it probably won’t be fast enough for Adam to suck it up and marry me,” he said and Monte raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you want to fake-remember everything?” Monte asked. “Lying isn’t a great way to start a marriage-“

“It might be the only way to start this marriage,” he stressed. “Look, I don’t remember anything but one small memory,” he admitted. “But I can _feel_ what was there before. I know without knowing _why_ that Adam is my everything and he has this scrapbook we made full of our wedding details,” he said and Monte smirked.

“I thought I saw you with a big scrapbook once. You guys didn’t tell anybody about that one,” he teased and Tommy waved a hand.

“It’s almost _done_ , Monte. The only thing left is to decide between the tuxes under ‘maybe’ and take care of the cake,” he stressed. “It’s nearly done! What is most definitely his dream wedding and probably mine, since it’s basically the coolest thing ever for me without my memories, and we’ll miss the opportunity if I don’t remember.” He shrugged, walking over to grab a guitar. “Besides, I _will_ remember one day.”

Monte looked at the tiny, hopeful look and sighed, shaking his head. “If Adam ever finds out, I’ll deny anything,” he said, and Tommy beamed.

“Thank you!” he cried, hugging the guitar to his chest. 

“Well,” Monte started. “We’ll need help. You and I don’t talk much about boys, what with me not being a teenage girl,” he stressed, smiling at Tommy’s annoyed look. “We’ll get the facts right at least,” he said and Tommy nodded.

“I just want to be able to make Adam think I remember enough,” he said. “I hate lying but I want this wedding. He’s suffered enough without missing out on our wedding we planned so much on too,” he said with a sad smile. 

Monte eyed him curiously. “You don’t remember but you still love him. How?” he asked.

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know, really,” he said honestly. “I just… feel it,” he almost whispered. He looked down at the guitar and smiled. “I liked him pretty fast as a person. I mean, getting to know him was like meeting my long lost best friend,” he stressed. “And I can feel it. I mean, I’m not sure how I fell for him, I can’t remember that, but I-“ He paused. “It’s just there. I can’t explain it. I look at him and feel it and it’s so strange not knowing why, but I’d be lying my ass off if I said I didn’t honestly love him.” He blushed and ducked his head, smiling bashfully. “I really like it, honestly. It’s weird for me, but like… when he smiles I’m happy and when he is upset, it really bothers me.” He looked up. “Which is exactly why this wedding has to happen. He’s miserable every time it’s mentioned or he sees something about Halloween on TV… ANYTHING remotely about the wedding and he gets all quiet and I hate it. I don’t want him to be upset. I want him to be happy. I know I’m going to remember and I know when I do remember, I’ll want to have done this,” he explained. “Hell, I can easily see why somebody would want to spend their life with Adam. He’s amazing.”

Monte snickered. “You could fool me easily,” he said and Tommy blushed. “Seriously, you really have fallen for the guy and you don’t know why, haven’t you?”

Tommy nodded. “More like I just felt what was already there.”

Monte smiled. “Huh, that’s interesting. I think this may go well,” he said and Tommy beamed.

“Thank you, Monte. I knew you would help me.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy felt horrible about lying to Adam, but he couldn’t let him know where he was going and why he was meeting Monte and Sutan at Monte’s house without explaining _why_ they were meeting up.

Tommy had asked Sutan not to tell Adam what they were going to talk about, explaining only that it involved the wedding and it was a surprise. When he met Sutan in the driveway, both of them arriving together, he could tell immediately that he was suspicious. “I know you’re thinking-“

“What’s with all the sneaking, TommyJoe,” Sutan asked, crossing his arms suspiciously. 

Tommy smiled sadly. “You have to help Monte in teaching me all of the stuff I don’t remember,” he said, and Sutan frowned.

“Why is he doing that?”

Tommy sighed. “Adam plans on cancelling the wedding two weeks before Halloween, so I’ve got just under three weeks to relearn enough to convince Adam to not cancel the wedding. I’ve only remembered one thing, but that one thing means I can remember everything some day, it just isn’t happening fast enough.”

Sutan frowned. “Honey, why are you so hard up to marry him if you can’t remember yet? I know you like him and all, but what if you marry him, then later on you realize you’re not gonna remember anything and you’re stuck married?” 

Tommy shrugged, smiling bashfully as he looked down at his hand, where he’d started wearing his ring again, which had made Adam smile. “Then we’ll just make enough new memories together to make up for the old ones that I lost,” he said, then looked up. “I love him,” he said strongly. “I don’t have to remember why I fell for him, I know what I feel about him.”

Sutan smiled at the look on Tommy’s face. “Aww, that’s so sweet!” he said, hugging Tommy. “Well if that’s the case, let’s go!” he said, holding hands with Tommy as they headed up the drive to Monte’s house. “Fuck, we’ve got a lot to work on. You’re glad Monte thought to remind you that you and me talk boys or you’d be fucked! Very few people know all the girly things you tell me and nobody else,” he said, winking.

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, he said he didn’t wanna know either, so we’ll probably have to cover his ears when we talk,” he joked.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“So he got me my ring for my birthday?” Tommy asked, humming. “I assumed it was an engagement ring, honestly,” he said, looking down at his hand as he sat beside Sutan, both of them across from Monte.

“Well it sort of is,” Sutan explained. “Your actual engagement was so casual and stuff so there wasn’t a ring. He got you the ring for your birthday and then you got him a necklace for Christmas, and it’s sorta like an equivalent.”

Tommy smiled. “Aww, I’m sweet!” he said, and Sutan snickered.

“Yes, you’re very sweet. When you’re not being such a boy,” he added, and Monte chuckled.

“You and Adam bicker like old people,” Monte added. “You’ll annoy him just because you think he’s cute when he’s annoyed and he never gets pissed at you for it, you just start snipping and bickering and it reminds people of their grandparents.”

Tommy chuckled. “He is cute when he’s annoyed,” he agreed and Sutan smiled.

After a while longer, Monte sat back humming. “I don’t think there’s much else,” he said and Sutan thought hard before snapping his fingers.

“You punched a boy over Adam once!” he said suddenly. “This guy at a venue was really hitting on Adam, and Adam was really not noticing it, he just thought he was being friendly, then later, when you were being all possessive and kept randomly walking up to kiss Adam or something, Adam left and you were still standing where the guy had been talking to Adam, and he said something about how he’d be a great upgrade when he stole Adam from you, and you just punched the shit out of him right there. We all saw it. It was hilarious how shocked the guy looked from his spot on the floor. He was bigger than you so it was really funny.”

Monte laughed. “Oh yeah, I remember that. Adam was really pissed at you for punching the guy and didn’t talk to you all night, but later he admitted he thought it was cute you were jealous,” he said and Sutan smirked.

“That’s cause later that night, Tommy climbed in the shower while Adam was in there and sucked his-“

“WHOA!” Monte cried, covering his ears. 

Tommy flushed and ducked his eyes groaning. “Sutan! That wasn’t necessary-“

“Hell yeah it wasn’t!” Monte cried, groaning. “Ew, that’s not a mental image I wanted,” he said, shaking his head.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy was nervous as he waited for Adam to get home. He had decided to pretend he’d woken up from a nap on the couch and remembered a lot of things, the things Monte and Sutan had helped burn into his mind the last few days, but leave enough ‘gaps’ so that he wouldn’t get caught in his lie. 

He didn’t want to hurt Adam by lying, but he wanted to make sure Adam believed him enough to marry him in a month.

Tommy jumped when he heard the door opening. He took a deep breath, fixed a smile on his face, and ran into the hall. “ADAM!” he cried, spotting Adam peeling off his jacket to hang up. His hair was wet from the rain and, if Tommy was honest, he looked gorgeous since he hadn’t worn any makeup.

“Yeah- Whoa!” Adam glanced up just in time to catch Tommy as he flew into his arms, clinging to him. “Um, Tommy? You okay?” he asked, carefully placing his hands on Tommy’s waist as Tommy hugged him tight.

“Adam!” he squeaked, trying to really sell it as he looked up, beaming. 

“Yeah, that’s my na-MMM!” Adam was cut off as Tommy tugged him down and kissed him, hard, hands curled around Adam’s neck.

“Adam, oh God, Babyboy, I love you so much, I’m _so_ sorry,” he said in a rush, the words tumbling out between kisses.

Adam frowned, pulling out of Tommy’s reach. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?” he asked gently. “Are you alright- wait!” His eyes widened and he gave Tommy a tentative smile. “Did you call me Babyboy?” he asked breathlessly. “I know I told you you called me that but-“

Tommy smiled, sliding his hands down to clasp his fingers with Adam’s. “When I caught the flu last year, you weren’t home, you were traveling to do some promo acoustics with just Monte and Lane and you called me on the drive to a TV studio. When I told you I felt like shit and asked you to sing to me, you sang cheesy boy band pop songs from the 90s to make me smile.”

Adam’s eyes lit up and his breath caught. “Tommy?” he squeaked, and Tommy nodded, biting his lip.

“When I woke up, I just remembered a lot of things. There’s still some gaps, but so much rushed back to me-“ Tommy was cut off as Adam’s lips descended on his. Adam curled his arms around Tommy, who gasped into the kiss, curling his hands around Adam’s biceps to hold himself up. He moaned when Adam’s kiss deepened in a way Tommy had only seen on the internet. He felt that, were his eyes open, they would probably be rolled back into his head as Adam’s kiss dominated his senses. When Adam broke the kiss, Tommy was panting, eyes shut as they leaned their foreheads together. He could feel Adam’s hands shaking on his hips and he smiled, nudging Adam’s nose with his. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and Adam let out a weak laugh, pulling Tommy closer as he pecked his lips.

“It was never your fault,” he stressed, opening his eyes to look down at Tommy as he stood straight. Tommy opened his eyes and smiled up at him. “Did you remember a lot, or just some things scattered about?” he asked and Tommy grinned.

“A lot. I mean, obviously things are missing still, I have no idea how much since it’s impossible to try and recall every memory, but a whole lot more than I did. I remember stuff from tour, I remember meeting you, I remember the trip to Mexico, I just… remember stuff,” he said and Adam let out a wet sound, eyes welling up. “Adam, don’t cry-“

“I love you so much,” Adam squeaked out, clutching Tommy to his chest. “Oh God, Tommy, I didn’t want you to see how bad I was scared, but I was so sure we’d never get married and I’d never fully get you back-“

“You have me forever, Babyboy,” Tommy said against Adam’s neck, smiling at the way Adam held him, one arm around his middle and the other hand tangled in Tommy’s hair. “We’re getting married in four weeks. We’re getting married and spending the rest of our lives together.”

Adam just let out a small sob, followed by a laugh. “God yes, forever. I’m never losing you. I won’t let you leave me. You’re never getting away, ever. I’ll wrap you in fucking bubble wrap and put a fucking tracking device in your creepers, I’m never letting go of you,” he said, and Tommy giggled.

“I’m pretty sure none of that is necessary, but I love the sentiment,” he said, smiling up at Adam. He reached both hands up to cup Adam’s face, thumbs swiping away the tears. He stared at him and sighed happily. As he looked at the adoring look on the man’s face, Tommy knew he made the right decision. He knew he loved Adam with all of his heart, so he couldn’t feel too terrible about a lie if it made them both happier.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 _Tommy smiled up at Adam, meeting him kiss for kiss as they stripped each other, hands fumbling and missing buttons and zippers as they tried to maneuver across the room. By the time Tommy was naked, he was giggling as he crawled back up the bed, watching Adam hop around since he’d forgot to kick off his shoes before taking off his pants._

_“You didn’t see that,” Adam said, cheeks burning as he finally got naked and crawled up the bed to Tommy, meeting his lips._

_“Of course not,” Tommy agreed, kissing him harder. “Adam,” he breathed, pulling Adam on top of him, groaning at the feeling of naked skin on his._

_Adam wasted no time sliding his hands up Tommy’s legs, parting his thighs. Tommy was fully on board with this idea, desperate for more. They had been dancing around each other long enough that Tommy wasn’t going to wait any longer. Not even the fact he’d never been with a man before scared him, he just wanted Adam so terribly._

_Adam seemed just as eager, as he spent very little time finding what he needed before his mouth was on Tommy’s cock and his fingers were spreading him open. Tommy couldn’t decide what to focus on, how good Adam blowing him was, or the twinge of Adam’s fingers inside of him. However, when Adam touched something inside of him that sent shivers up and down his spine, it was all he could do, between that and the feeling of Adam’s mouth, not to lose it right then and there. “Oh fuck, Adam-“_

Tommy jerked awake, sitting right up as he panted, eyes wide as he fought to catch his breath. He looked around and groaned when he realized he was just dreaming. “Fuck.”

Beside him, Adam shifted, rolling over with a whine. “Tommy?” he grumbled, peeking out of one eye. “Wasrong?” he asked, barely awake.

Tommy chuckled and shook his head. “Nothing, I’m okay,” he said, afraid of lying back down, since the dream had left him with a little problem. He knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed, since Adam thought he remembered, and he knew he would definitely turn pink if he laid back the way he was and Adam _noticed_.

“Sure?” Adam asked, yawning really big before settling back, peeking up at Tommy from the rumpled covers, looking adorably sleepy. “You remember somethin’?” he asked suddenly, looking a little more awake.

Tommy hummed, biting his lip. “I’m not sure,” he said, then flushed. “Um… Adam?” he asked, and Adam mumbled as an answer. “Our first time-“ He stopped, groaning some when he felt how warm his face was. “Our first time, did you get your pants caught on your shoes and hop around the room half-naked before we ended up in bed together?” he asked, and Adam sat up, eyes wide.

“You remembered our first time?” he asked hopefully, and Tommy bit his lip, nodding with a burning face. “That’s great!” Adam said, smiling as he caught Tommy’s hand.

Tommy cringed. “I didn’t remember all of it,” he said apologetically. “I didn’t actually remember sex, I remembered that and then you climbing onto the bed with me and like… after some kissing and touching, I don’t remember the rest,” he said, and Adam shrugged.

“You still remember something though, any tiny bit of information you remember is good. Maybe you’ll remember every bit some day,” he said, pulling Tommy’s hand to his lips to kiss it. “So happy you’re remembering things,” he said, smiling at him with so much love in his eyes, Tommy couldn’t look away. Adam leaning in to kiss him was the only thing that made him close his eyes. “Good morning,” Adam mumbled against his lips, and Tommy whined.

“Fuck that, I’m going back to sleep,” he said and Adam smiled against his lips, which just begged for another kiss. Tommy couldn’t help himself, he pressed closer, kissing Adam more firmly, the memory still fresh in his mind. Adam sighed and fell back, pulling Tommy down with him as he curled an arm around Tommy, smiling across the pillow at him. 

“I love you,” he said, and Tommy smiled and opened his mouth to respond, only to gasp as Adam tugged him even closer, pressing their bodies _fully_ against each other. Adam froze and raised an eyebrow as Tommy flushed. “Well now,” he said, snickering.

Tommy glared. “I dreamed about sex, tell me what else should’ve happened?” he asked pointedly.

Adam just giggled, leaning in to kiss Tommy, lapping into his mouth as he slid his arm around Tommy, pulling him flush against him. He teasingly slid his thigh between Tommy’s legs, making him whimper against his lips. “Shhh-“

“Not fair,” Tommy said, gasping as Adam’s thigh pressed directly on his erection. “Adam-“ he was cut off with a kiss.

“Sorta the point,” Adam mumbled against his lips, sliding his hand lower, curling it around Tommy’s thigh as he pulled it up so that Tommy’s leg was over his hip, pressing their groins together firmly. Tommy moaned when he felt Adam growing harder against his hip as they rocked against each other slowly, kissing lazily. “Tommy,” Adam breathed, whining softly when Tommy used the foot hooked around Adam’s leg to pull himself more firmly against Adam.

It was a clear mark of how long it had been for them when Tommy let out a sharp cry and came in his pants within minutes. He clung to Adam shakily as he let Adam continue, whimpering uncomfortably at the oversensitivity seconds before Adam came as well, his nails digging into Tommy’s thigh through the thin material of his pajama pants.

Tommy clung to Adam as they both fought to catch their breath, face tucked into his throat, one hand fisted in his shirt. Adam just groaned, loosening the hold on Tommy’s abused thigh to slide up and down his leg in an almost apologetic soothing manner. “Adam,” Tommy whispered and Adam hummed, swatting his thigh playfully as he pulled back some, nosing against Tommy’s head to get him to look up so Adam could kiss him sweetly. Tommy smiled against his lips, chuckling some. “Good morning,” he said, and Adam grinned.

“Mmmm, I’d say so,” he said, smiling at him brightly, the morning sun creeping through the crack in the curtains just enough to make Adam’s eye’s shine.

Tommy hummed and scrunched his nose, wiggling some. “Blah, I gotta get up,” he said, and Adam whined.

“No, just get naked and stay here,” he suggested, sliding his fingertips up Tommy’s shirt suggestively.

Tommy snickered and kissed Adam. “Not that young, Babyboy, not that young,” he said, extracting Adam’s hand before sliding out of bed, yawning as he headed for the bathroom.

Adam whined, rolling over to watch him walk. “Blah, you suck,” he said, pouting playfully.

Tommy just smirked from the bathroom door, looking back at him. “You’re not that young either, dude,” he teased and Adam gave him an offended gasp as he disappeared into the bathroom.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
They were having some rehearsals since they were meant to start back on tour where they started just after the wedding and a one week honeymoon, so as soon as they got there and found everybody else there, Adam tugged Tommy gleefully over to them. “Guys! Tommy’s remembered!” he cried and there were several shocked and delighted noises as well as a lot of hugs.

“Hell yeah, dude!” Isaac cried, snatching him into a hug. “Did you remember everything, or-“

Tommy shook his head. “No, but a lot. Most of the gaps aren’t big but I can’t say I’m totally remembering everything.”

“And,” Adam said, smiling at Tommy from his spot talking to Monte. “It means we’re going ahead with the wedding after all. So you fuckers better not have planned shit on Halloween because you thought we would cancel,” he said, giving Tommy such a bright smile it made Tommy’s heart skip a beat.

“Hell yeah, if you fuckers don’t show up to our wedding, I’ll be pissed.” He looked at Adam and fought a little smile. “Can we fire anybody that doesn’t come to our wedding?” he asked and Adam laughed.

“No, but you can pout at them until they feel as if they kicked a puppy,” he compromised and Tommy grinned.

“Sweet!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam, Tommy quickly discovered, had been hiding his hurt really well while Tommy ‘had’ amnesia. He knew it had hurt him, but within three days of remembering, Tommy got to see the real happy Adam and he felt even more relieved he was faking for Adam’s sake.

“TommyJoe!” Adam said brightly, running to flop down on the bed beside Tommy, who was on twitter on his laptop. “Guess what!” he said, flopping onto his belly so that he was looking up at Tommy.

Tommy looked at him in amusement. “What?” he asked and Adam grinned but didn’t answer. “What?” he asked again and Adam leaned his head against the outside of Tommy’s leg, temple bumping the laptop. “Adam-“ Tommy started but Adam cut him off.

“I love you,” Adam said with a sappy smile on his face.

Tommy rolled his eyes, even though his entire stomach flipped at the sentiment. “Love you too, idiot,” he said, ruffling Adam’s hair. “What did you want to tell me?” he asked, and Adam shrugged, sitting up and leaning back on his knees.

“Nothing really, just that I love you,” he said and Tommy couldn’t fight a wave of affection for the dorky smile on Adam’s face.

Tommy rolled his eyes and put his laptop aside. “C’mere loser,” he said and Adam smiled a sweet little smile before crawling over to kiss Tommy. Tommy smiled against his lips, then pulled back to curl his fingers in Adam’s hair as he looked into his eyes. “I’m really glad I’m marrying you,” he said simply and Adam positively _glowed_ as he gave Tommy the biggest smile he’d ever seen.

“I’m so happy I get to marry you,” Adam said softly, biting his lip as he looked from one eye to the other. “You’re the most important thing in my life and I was so sure I wouldn’t get to marry you. At least not for a long time. It was so hard,” he said with a distant look in his eyes. 

Tommy didn’t like that look so he kissed Adam in an attempt to erase it. Adam moaned softly, lifting one hand to curl around Tommy’s jaw as the kiss deepened. “Adam,” he breathed, curling his arms around Adam’s neck.

Adam pulled back and smiled a mischievous grin, which made Tommy raise an eyebrow, only to squeak when Adam suddenly slid his arm under Tommy and rolled them over in one move, landing on his back with Tommy on top of him. “Hey there,” he said and Tommy laughed, sitting up so he was straddling Adam’s thighs. “Come here often?” Adam joked and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well this guy I know likes to manhandle me into his lap,” he teased and Adam smiled up at him. He leaned down and kissed Adam, catching Adam’s hands to lace their fingers together. He laughed against Adam’s lips when Adam tugged his hands upwards, making Tommy slump down so they were chest to chest. “Bossy,” he mumbled against Adam’s lips.

Adam smirked. “You like it,” he accused, then resumed the kiss, sliding his hands up the back of Tommy’s shirt.

Tommy could feel immediately when it went from playful kissing and touching to something more heated. He could feel a restrained strength in Adam’s body as he held him and slowly maneuvered them until he was beneath Adam. He could sense the want in Adam’s body and he knew his own body was answering the same way. He wanted it. He could remember the dream and how good it felt and he wanted Adam so badly he could only imagine how much Adam wanted him.

As soon as the clothes were off, Tommy noticed Adam’s touches becoming more gentle and careful, clearly remembering how long it had been for them. Tommy couldn’t help but realize how much Adam had missed having _his_ Tommy when he spent forever kissing and touching and nuzzling every bit of Tommy he could, looking up quite often just to look at Tommy’s face, almost as if he was afraid Tommy was going to go somewhere somehow. 

Tommy knew with more assurance that he was more in love than he had known possible when Adam held him like he was precious as he filled Tommy slowly. Tommy couldn’t fully understand the way he felt and why he felt it, but he knew that in his subconscious, he had to have been the happiest person ever before he lost his memory, because the way Adam made him feel was something more than what sex usually was. It was more intimate than Tommy had ever known, more intense than he could’ve ever imagined. It wasn’t just physical, it was deep and emotional in a way Tommy had heard of but never really comprehended.

The sex was good. _Amazing_.Tommy had been aware from the dream of a memory that he would like sex with Adam, but he hadn’t dreamed of the full thing. Adam was _intense_. It was very much psychological as well as physical and emotional. Adam’s very presence screamed dominance in everyday life, and Tommy had suspected that, in bed, Adam would be every bit the same, but he hadn’t expected it would be how it was.

Adam was dominant, no doubt, but it wasn’t a clear and present dominance in a ‘I’m running this show, get in this position and stay there’ type of way. It was subtle. His size made it more of an instinctive urge to let him have the upper hand than Adam physically pinning Tommy down. He didn’t push Tommy around as much as guide him in a way that made it feel almost as if he wanted to do it before Adam. Rather than holding his wrists and keeping him still, he laced their fingers together so that Tommy didn’t _want_ to take his hands down.

Tommy was so overwhelmed that he didn’t even notice that he was on the edge until Adam whimpered and whispered softly in his ear. “ _Tommy_.” After that, Tommy’s orgasm shocked him into a startled cry of pleasure mixed with surprise. Tommy’s cry was followed momentarily by another small cry as Adam bit his shoulder as he reached his end as well.

Afterwards, Tommy couldn’t help the happiness he felt in having Adam cuddle the shit out of him, refusing to let him go at all. “I’m a lucky man,” Tommy said abruptly, shattering the cuddle-filled silence.

Adam chuckled and kissed his temple. “It’s been so long since we made love I forgot how good it was,” he said and Tommy giggled.

“I can’t believe you said ‘made love’, oh my God,” he snickered, and Adam frowned.

“I’ve always called it that,” Adam said in a confused voice, lifting up on his elbow as he gave Tommy a strange look.

Tommy froze momentarily, taking a few seconds to flip out, before covering quickly. “Yeah, I know!” he said, then swallowed as he saw Adam’s frown deepen. “It’s just that I had all those weeks as my old self and it’s so weird to think I’ve been dating a man who calls it making love for so long. I got used to it, but I’ve had weeks of being ‘old Tommy’ and it was just amusing,” he said, and Adam gave him a long look before smiling.

“Yeah well, ‘old’ Tommy has no emotional depth and was a bit of a jerk,” he said and Tommy felt a wave of relief wash over him, and a bit of indignation that he hid well. “My Tommy is a sweet, caring, gentle, kind lover and wonderful friend. Old Tommy was kind of a douche,” he admitted and Tommy chuckled.

“I’m still the same person, I’m just a lot gayer now,” he said and Adam burst into surprised laughter, curling into his side as he fought to catch his breath.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy knew when he opened the door and a group of guys all tumbled in, one of them being Isaac, that this must be his other band Monte had told him about. The problem with that, however, was that Monte never bothered explaining who was who. He knew names and he knew faces, but he didn’t know which names went with which face, besides Isaac.

It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if Adam wasn’t sitting on the couch watching TV when everybody went in and just flopped down, clearly intent on hanging out. “Oh hey,” Adam said, flapping a hand before going right back to the TV.

Tommy raised an eyebrow and walked over, sitting beside him. “What’re you watching?” he asked, tilting his head. “Well now, are those half-naked teenage boys? Somebody’s a pedophile,” he teased, Adam rolled his eyes.

“It’s a movie, they’re playing soccer, I’m not being a perv, I just happen to like a movie geared towards teenage girls,” he defended.

Tommy smirked. “Whatever you say,” he said, and Adam poked him.

“Fuck off,” he grumbled in embarrassment. “Besides, I’m marrying an older man,” he teased and Tommy whined.

“Don’t remind me,” he said, standing to go sit on the other end of the couch so he could join his friends’ conversation. “What’s up guys?” he asked, and Isaac laughed.

“Tommy, dude, Ravi’s got this awesome idea for a video, you gotta hear it,” he said, and Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“Right, so basically there’s mermaids,” the one with the hair started, and Tommy immediately figured he had to be Ravi. “And it’s like, we start playing and they turn into strippers!” he said, and Tommy just stared.

“Really?” he asked and the others gave him a funny look. “No like… yay strippers and all, but… mermaids turn into strippers?” he asked. “Why not like… aliens?” he wondered out loud.

“Didn’t you guys already do aliens?” Adam asked, and Tommy turned back, feeling his breath catch as Adam gave him a confused and slightly suspicious look. “That one with the alien chicks who kill you all is too similar, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” Ravi said, shaking his head. “Seriously Tommy, one and done, that’s why we should do mermaids!”

Tommy just laughed along, knowing he had slipped up and had to cover his ass as best as possible.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“I’m just not sure,” Adam said, pacing as he spoke to Sutan. “I mean… I know he says he remembers a lot, but he keeps missing a _lot_ ,” he stressed and Sutan cringed inwardly. “What if he’s missing more than he lets on and then he remembers something huge and regrets it?” he asked, sitting down heavily. “What if he remembers and then wishes he hadn’t married me? I mean… should we do this? Should I be getting married to him without him being back to himself one hundred percent?” he asked helplessly.

Sutan smiled sadly. “Adam, you know Tommy may not ever be back to one hundred percent, sweetie.” Adam gave him a sad look and Sutan reached out to grab his hand.

“I just don’t know if this is right. I get the feeling Tommy isn’t ready for this, he just wants to pretend he’s totally ready and he’ll regret it and-“ Sutan shut him up with a hand over his mouth.

“Tommy loves you. Tommy loves you more than anybody ever has,” he stressed. He shook his head. “Don’t hurt him over insecurities. You’re getting married, of course you feel hesitant! Anybody who says they didn’t get cold feet at least a little is probably lying,” he offered matter-of-factly. “You two have come through so much together, Adam. Don’t let hesitance ruin the beautiful wedding you have planned,” he said, and Adam smiled a tiny little grin.

“It is perfect, isn’t it? It’s so Tommy and so goth and I love him and this wedding, I just worry-“ Sutan cut him off with a dark look. “Okay, okay, stop worrying,” he said, groaning as he laid back. “So… bachelors’ parties tonight. I made his group promise on pain of death not to have him too wasted to get up early. You lot better not let me get fucked up either,” he threatened and Sutan snorted. “What?” he asked.

Sutan grinned. “I’m worried more about the rest of us! You hold your liquor, it’s the wedding party I’m worried about. Last thing we need is for Neil to throw up all over your tux,” he said, and Adam groaned.

“If my brother ruins my wedding by being a shitty best man, I’ll have a sister after I’m done with him,” he said, and Sutan grinned.

“Should’ve thought of that before you let him go be part of Tommy’s bachelor party. Pretty sure theirs involves a strip club and booze and little else,” he said.

Adam raised an eyebrow. “And you planned something different?” he asked, and Sutan grinned.

“Well, a different type of strippers,” he said, then giggled. “No, you don’t need to be reminded about all the muscled hunks you’ll never get again,” he teased and Adam made a face.

“You know I like my men without muscles anyways,” he said, waving a hand. “God, in about twenty-two hours exactly, I’ll be a married man,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s indescribable.”

Sutan just groaned and leapt onto Adam, crushing him in a hug. “I think deep down we all knew you would be the first of the girls to get married,” he said, and Adam smiled, squeezing his old friend.

“Hey, it’ll happen to the rest of you bitches, you just have to stop whoring around and pick one like I did,” he teased.

“Bullshit,” Sutan said pointedly. “You didn’t stop whoring around and pick one, you had one fall into your life and got your head out of your ass after falling in love with him. You’re like a damn romance novel, you two. The rest of us aren’t as clueless.”

Adam flopped onto his back on the couch. “I’ve been in love before him. I know I was really in love before. But nothing has ever felt more right than this. I mean, I’m still worried about all the ifs and maybes, but this is… meant to be or something. I can tell.”

Sutan smiled secretively. “So can he, baby. So can he.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam got home, he was surprised to see the lights still on. He walked into the kitchen and smiled when he saw Tommy sitting at the counter with a bowl of cereal. “Hey, didn’t expect you home so early,” he said, and Tommy looked up with a smile. Adam’s stomach flipped when he realized it was no time at all before he was _married_ to that man.

“Well, last thing I needed was a hangover so we called it an early night.” He giggled. “Wasn’t much in the mood for tits tonight, shockingly, got other things on my mind,” he said, and Adam grinned.

“Oh yeah, like what?” he asked, shrugging off his jacket, which he laid on the counter next to his keys.

Tommy chuckled. “Just stuff. I’ve got a busy week,” he said, and Adam smiled softly.

“So, you busy tomorrow?” he asked innocently, prompting Tommy to put down the spoon.

“You know, I am, I’ve got a thing,” he said, waving a hand equally as dismissive.

Adam nodded. “What kind of thing?” he asked and Tommy shrugged offhandedly.

“Just a thing. Some wedding to some guy-“

“Hey, I’m not ‘some guy’!” Adam said in mock offense. 

Tommy smirked and slid off the barstool, carrying his bowl and spoon to the sink. “Yeah, well, who says I’m marrying you?” he asked, and Adam narrowed his eyes with a growl.

“I’m gonna get you,” he said, and Tommy smirked before he skipped away, yelping when Adam burst into a run, chasing him out of the kitchen. 

“AHH! Adam, no!” he cried, laughing delightedly as he ran into the living room, sharing playful grins with Adam as he ran around the couch one way and Adam ran after him, inciting a game of cat and mouse until Tommy broke free and ran for the stairs. “Adam noo!” he cried, squealing when he heard footsteps right behind him on the steps.

“You’re dead, TommyJoe,” Adam proclaimed, chasing Tommy into the bedroom.

“I give, I give!” Tommy cried, doing a fireman’s roll across the bed, standing with it between them. “Truce!” he offered, and Adam shook his head, rushing around the foot, only to shock Tommy, who yelped and jumped onto the bed to crawl across, by leaping onto the bed, tackling Tommy flat against the pillows. “ADAM!”

Adam beamed, pinning him down. “Aha, I win,” he said, sharing a brief look with Tommy before they both began giggling like school children, flopping onto their backs side by side. “God, we’re in our thirties,” he said, and Tommy sighed.

“And we’re still young at heart,” he said happily. After a moment, Adam felt Tommy’s fingers slide into his and he laced their hands together. “Hey Adam?”

“Yeah?” Adam asked, still staring at the ceiling.

Tommy squeezed his hand before continuing. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” he said in a calm, honest tone. It was such a simple statement, nothing dramatic or shocking, but it was still enough to make Adam’s throat tighten.

Adam squeezed his hand back and smiled, feeling his heart swell. “You’re my best friend, too.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy smiled at his reflection as Sutan finished his hair. “Aren’t you supposed to be Adam’s makeup dude?” he asked, looking up at him. “It’s nearly time to start, isn’t it?”

Sutan chuckled. “We managed his stuff early since he’s being all pushy over everything being perfect,” he said with a smile.

Tommy grinned. “So, Adam’s being Adam?” he asked, and Sutan gave him a poke to the cheek. “God…within the hour, I’m gonna be married,” he said softly, looking at his hands.

Sutan fixed his bangs and smiled. “I know you have to be scared, I know you don’t remember it all, but you’re going to be so happy you did this,” he reassured and Tommy smiled, biting his lip.

“Yeah, there’s definitely nerves, but I have remembered some things, I do know I love him, I know this is right,” he said confidently. “He’s amazing and-“ Tommy was cut off by a knock at the door. “Well… that’s odd,” he said, and Sutan let him get up to go answer the door. “Who is it?” he asked as he put a hand on the handle.

“It’s me,” Adam said, voice muffled by the wood of the door.

“Adam?” Tommy said, opening the door a few inches before Sutan ran over and stopped him, holding the door over his head. “Bitch, get out of the way,” Tommy said ad Sutan huffed.

“Fuck that, you know it’s bad luck you dicks!” he said. “Adam, whatever you have to say, say it through the gap. No looking at the bride before the wedding-“

“Who says I’m a bride?” Tommy asked Sutan, glaring up at him.

Adam laughed. “Alright,” he said, and Tommy and Sutan backed off while Adam closed the door to a crack. “Sutan, can we have a minute? I promise, no bad luck will happen.”

Sutan rolled his eyes and walked away from them going to close up some makeup containers. Tommy smiled. “Alright, what is it?” he asked Adam.

“I just… I wanted to be sure we’re starting this right with everything in the open,” he said, and Tommy felt the blood drain from his face. “Nothing big but I just…” Adam groaned. “Okay, so you know how I said I was okay with you wanting to get a dog together?” he asked, and Tommy bit his lip, hoping Adam didn’t really want a response. “So, I lied. I hate dogs. I like cats,” he said softly.

Tommy laughed. “Adam, it’s okay,” he said. “That’s not a big deal, I promise.”

Adam sighed. “I just wanted to start this marriage clean, with no secrets or lies,” he said and Tommy felt guilt washing over him. “Anything you want to say?” he asked. “I promise, I won’t get angry no matter what you confess.”

Tommy looked at Sutan, who gave him a wide eyed stare, then sighed. “I hate your wedge heeled boots,” he said, and Sutan rolled his eyes.

Adam paused. “Like… the newest ones?”

Tommy chuckled. “All of them. There’s a difference between dudes wearing platforms, drag queens wearing heels, and a guy dressed in masculine clothes wearing wedges. It just sucks. You look stupid,” he said, hoping Adam didn’t’ get angry.

After a moment that seemed to stretch a lifetime, Adam let out a sound. “Huh… I totally thought they made me look hot.”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, they really don’t. I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes. “Look, Adam, we’ve gotta start soon. Is that all?” he asked.

Adam sighed. “Yeah, that’s it, I just… I love you. I’m glad I’m marrying you.”

Tommy laughed softly. “Love you too. See you at the altar.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
There were a lot of things Tommy had done in his life. He had done some of the dumbest things as a kid. He’d made enough bad decisions to last a life time. But as he stood at the altar, looking up into a pair of the bluest, most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen, he was sure he never would make a better decision in his life than he was about to make.

“I do,” he said confidently, watching as the tears that had been gathering in Adam’s eyes spilled over as his face spread into a giant smile.

The celebrant’s words were the only thing that stopped Tommy from listening to the pounding of his own heart. “I now pronounce you married,” he said, and Tommy couldn’t fight a small chuckle. “You may share your first wedded kiss.”

Tommy felt Adam squeeze his hands and let out a tiny little excited sound before tugging Tommy into a kiss that was barely a kiss, as they were both smiling too big to really do much kissing. Tommy threw his arms around Adam’s neck, hugging him so as tightly as he could without choking him, although Adam’s hold around his body was enough to make breathing difficult as it was. When he pulled back while everybody cheered, he looked up to see tears on Adam’s cheeks as he cried softly.

Tommy let go and moved his hands to Adam’s face, thumbs swiping away his tears. “Stop crying, we’ve still got photos to take,” he teased, making Adam choke out a wet laugh.

“Tommy,” he said wetly, pulling him into a better kiss, which Tommy let him have. When they parted, they turned back to face everybody, arms around each other as everybody continued to scream and shout for them.

Tommy just giggled shyly and tucked himself under Adam’s arm, hugging him close. “Best thing ever, huh?” he asked, and Adam beamed.

“Oh yeah, totally,” he said, hugging Tommy close before they started back down the aisle, hand in hand.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy could only imagine what the photos were going to look like because most of the time he and Adam were busy laughing and kissing and basically ignoring everyone but each other. Lee was trying to take photos, but every time he asked them to do something, they tried, but ended up kissing or hugging or, as they apparently regressed to eight year olds in their happy state, poking each other and running around playing chase.

“Adam Lambert, you are a grown ass man, stand still!” Sutan demanded, standing with Lee, and a few other friends and family members. Most of their friends had gone ahead to the reception hall, and they were only supposed to take fifteen minutes to take posed and pretty pictures around the garden outside the hall they had been married at.

However, Adam and Tommy were too happy to really give a shit about ‘fifteen minutes’ or anything related to rules. “Bite me, bitch,” Adam said, holding Tommy’s hands behind his back so that he couldn’t retaliate and poke Adam back for poking him.

“Adam! No fair,” Tommy whined, wiggling free, only to have Adam pull him close and dip him back, startling him. “AH ADA-umm.” Adam cut off Tommy’s cry with a kiss as he dipped him back dramatically. When they straightened up, smiling and laughing between stolen kisses, Tommy finished by pressing his forehead to Adam’s, noses touching as he looked into Adam’s bright, sparkling eyes, like the ocean at sunset. “I love you,” he said softly.

Adam giggled slightly, fingers laced between them. “You too, TommyJoe. You have made my life complete,” he said, and Tommy grinned, tilting his lips to meet Adam’s.

“Alright, alright, for fucks sake, I think I’ve managed to sneak enough pictures, keep your clothes on at least until after the reception,” Lee called, startling them apart.

Adam grinned bashfully and Tommy just smirked, hooking his arm around Adam’s middle. “All you bitches are just jealous of me having a sexy husband. Suck it!” he said, complete with obscene crotch-grabbing gesture, which made everybody laugh.

Adam groaned. “Damn, too late to change my mind now,” he said, letting Tommy drag him towards everybody else so they could all go get in the cars to head to the reception.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy was more than delighted when Neil ended up pretty tipsy before it came time for his best man speech and then proceeded to giggle his way through a story about all of Adam’s exes, complete with pointing at least two of them out in the crowd of guests, before finally turning to Adam and Tommy with a sloppy grin. “And out of all the dickwads Adam dated, Tommy, I gotta be honest, I hate you the least,” he said, and Tommy grinned. “I can still take you to strip clubs and grab a few beers at least,” he said, and Adam rolled his eyes.

Tommy smirked. “Why Neil, I thought you weren’t going to tell anybody about your night job!” he said, and Neil glared. Adam just grinned and kissed Tommy’s cheek.

“I lied,” Neil said. “I hate him as much as the other jerk faces, continue with your evening,” he announced as he sat down.

Adam smiled, kissing his cheek. “I still love you best of all those jerk faces,” he said as serious as ever, making Tommy burst out laughing.

“Aww, thanks, Baby Boy,” he said, pecking is lips. “I hate you the least of all my exes too,” he said, and Adam grinned.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After the wedding reception, it was straight to the airport for Tommy and Adam. They’d had tons of teasing about how unfortunate it was they would be spending the night of their wedding in an airport and on a plane, but if Tommy was honest, he couldn’t be sure he’d have even been up for sex that night even if they were newlyweds. It was all he could do not to fall asleep leaning against Adam as they stood in line to go through airport security.

As soon as they were actually on the plane, Tommy claimed Adam’s shoulder as his pillow, stuck in his ear buds, and cranked up the music to block all the noise around him as he went to sleep. He was pretty sure Adam was already asleep anyways, so it was totally fine.

When Tommy woke up again, he had a crick in his neck and he realized they had landed and Adam was shaking him awake. He blinked sleepily, only to smile when he saw the warm look on Adam’s face. “Good morning, sleepy,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Tommy’s hand, which was still laced with his. “Come on, we can sleep more when we get through the airport and into a taxi, okay?” he said, and Tommy nodded, smiling.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When they got to the resort they were staying at, Tommy didn’t even wait for Adam to tip the guy who brought their bags up to the room before going into the bedroom to faceplant on the bed and fall asleep. He was barely aware of Adam taking off his shoes and pulling the covers from under him before joining him as sleep overtook him.

When Tommy woke up again, the sun was bright and his stomach was growling. He looked over at Adam and smiled when he saw Adam asleep on his belly, face smooshed as unattractively as possible by the pillows. Tommy slid out of bed and went to check out the bathroom, undressing as soon as he saw the giant shower and realized how gross he probably was.

He had barely gotten his hair wet when he heard his name called. “TommyJoe?” He waited and smirked when he saw, through the foggy shower door, Adam’s outline coming into the bathroom. “I woke up alone and it sucked,” Adam informed him and Tommy laughed, sticking his head out long enough to eye Adam, who was getting ready to brush his teeth.

“Morning, Babyboy,” he said, and Adam smiled at him in the mirror.

“Morning,” he said, eyes bright and happy. Tommy grinned and ducked back in the shower, sighing as the hot water washed away all the tension he had been feeling. “So, I’m hungry, how about you?” he asked, and Tommy chuckled from inside the shower.

“I’m starving. It’s what, past lunch right?” he asked.

“Yeah, about two. We could order room service or we can go find some lunch,” Adam offered. 

Tommy hummed. “How about we go get some food and walk around some, since I’m starving and don’t want to wait for room service?” he suggested and Adam laughed.

“Sure,” he said, then paused. Tommy rinsed his hair, thinking Adam was gone, only to jump when he spoke again. “You know, this is really hot,” he said offhandedly and Tommy laughed in surprise.

“Are you standing there watching me shower through the foggy glass?” he asked incredulously.

Adam chuckled softly. “Well, as a married man, I’m fully allowed to perv on my husband,” he said, and Tommy felt his stomach twist happily.

“We definitely need to go out for the afternoon,” Tommy said, biting his lip. “Because if we stay here, I probably won’t let you out of bed until tomorrow,” he said offhandedly, making Adam whine.

“Tease! Whatever, that’s fine, let’s get some sunshine and fresh air after airport and airplane stuffiness.” He tapped the glass as he walked past, making Tommy jump slightly. “Then you can keep me in bed all night,” he said in a tone that let Tommy know he was smirking. Tommy just smiled, shaking his head as he thought that _that_ was the man he was married to. 

Married.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam rolled his eyes as Tommy nearly tipped his chair over, leaning back to watch a girl walking away. “You know, it’s great that I’m on my honeymoon right now and my husband is checking out girls asses,” he noted and Tommy smirked at him.

“You walk past a few times and I’ll definitely check out your ass,” he said, and Adam chuckled with a warm smile. “Holy shit, look at the rack on that one,” he said, gaping as a girl ran by in a tiny bikini, large breasts bouncing with her stride.

Adam scrunched up his nose. “That has to be really uncomfortable. I cannot imagine how that feels,” he said, glancing down at his chest. “I bet her back sucks at the end of the day,” he said, and Tommy raised an eyebrow at Adam, who blushed when he realized he was holding his own chest in his hands. “Oh shut up, I’m curious!”

“A little late to start being curious about tits, Babyboy,” Tommy joked and Adam rolled his eyes. “You’re stuck with a dude now,” he said proudly and Adam grinned.

“Trust me, boobs don’t do anything for me, TommyJoe, you’re safe,” he said with a warm smile over the rim of his glass. “Besides, like I said, I’m sorta partial to my husba- holy shit look at that man’s _thighs_ ,” he gushed and Tommy turned to look, raising an eyebrow at the man who was jogging past with the body of an athlete.

“So what was that about your honeymoon? You know, with your husband?” Tommy teased and Adam smirked.

“I’m allowed to look if you are,” he said, leaning across the table to peck Tommy’s lips.

Tommy grinned. “Sure, just remember, the more you look, the more bummed you’ll be when you get me out of my clothes,” he joked and Adam snorted.

“Yeah right, you’re my kinda sexy,” he said pointedly. “I could never cuddle the fuck out of a dude like that,” he said, and Tommy smirked proudly. “Hell, I’d never be able to live with a dude like that. I’d be so insecure,” he said honestly.

“So you married a skinny-fat guy to feel better about yourself, nice,” Tommy teased and Adam glared.

“Shut up, you, you know you’re gorgeous, jackass.” He reached out and tucked Tommy’s bangs behind his ear. “I love you,” he said in a much softer voice.

Tommy smiled sweetly. “I love you too,” he said, catching his hand to lace their fingers together. “Forever,” he added, and Adam giggled.

“And ever and ever,” he agreed, glancing back down at the table, though his hand never left Tommy’s.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When they returned to their room, after spending the afternoon having lunch and walking along the beach, Tommy was on a mission to remedy the whole ‘married an entire day without sex’ thing. As soon as Adam put down his bag, Tommy ducked under his arm, pressing into his side to steal a kiss. Adam squeaked some, but curled his arm around Tommy, fixing the kiss. “Hey baby,” he said, and Tommy smirked up at him, sliding his fingertips under the hem of Adam’s shirt as he sought another kiss from the taller man.

Adam hummed. “I’m gonna go get a shower,” he said, pulling away.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Is ‘shower’ a code for ‘wait naked in bed’?” he asked, and Adam chuckled.

“No, I’m tired and feel sorta sweaty,” he said, and Tommy huffed.

“Well is _that_ code for ‘sex right now’?” he asked eagerly.

Adam rolled his eyes. “Can’t a guy be too tired for sex?” he asked, and Tommy shot him a pointed look.

“Not guys who are on their honeymoon on the second night after getting married and still haven’t gotten any,” he said, and Adam snorted.

“You horny little shit,” he said, walking over to kiss him quickly. “I’m getting in the shower,” he said as he walked out, and then turned back. “Although, the door is open,” he offered with a smirk before slipping into the bathroom.

Tommy groaned. “Now who’s the tease?!” he shouted, but eagerly stripped out of his shirt, heading to the bathroom. Adam was already in the shower when he got naked, but Adam was clearly expecting him when he climbed in with him. 

“Well hello,” Adam said playfully, giggling when Tommy pushed him against the wall and kissed him. “Mmmm, Tommy,” he breathed, and Tommy smiled up at him, standing on his toes a little to kiss Adam more firmly, hands on either side of his face.

Adam slid his hands down Tommy’s back, maneuvering him under the spray of water, breaking the kiss to pull Tommy’s head back, soaking his hair fully, as well as elongating the pale column of his throat. Adam leaned down, pressing his lips along Tommy’s throat, nipping at his jaw as he came back up. When he pulled away, he moaned softly at the way Tommy’s eyelashes looked darker when wet. Tommy smirked and curled his fingers in Adam’s wet hair. “C’mere,” he mumbled, pulling Adam into a kiss, arching his back so that his front pressed along Adam, earning a moan. Adam curled his arms around Tommy more tightly, backing him against the shower wall, hands roaming as the kiss deepened.

Tommy slid his hands down Adam’s chest, moaning softly as his fingers slid through the ginger hairs there. As his hands slid down towards Adam’s hips, Adam caught his wrists and grunted. “Nuh-uh,” he said, and Tommy opened his eyes to pout up at Adam, who grinned. “Turn around,” he said, and Tommy raised an eyebrow but did what he was told.

“So it’s like that, huh?” he asked, humming when Adam pushed him forward some, making him brace his hands against the tiles. He gasped when he felt something soft against his skin. “Are you seriously washing me?” Tommy asked with a low chuckle.

Adam hummed. “Yep,” he said, moving the cloth across Tommy’s shoulder and down his arm, pressing kisses to his neck and shoulder as he went. “Clean Tommy’s are sexy Tommy’s,” he teased and Tommy giggled, letting his head fall forward.

“Tommy already had a bath today,” he pointed out and Adam grinned, kissing his neck.

“But Adam likes taking care of his Tommy,” he said and Tommy groaned happily as Adam’s scrubbing moved down his spine, massaging his back nicely.

“I think third person needs to be put to bed now,” Tommy said, tipping his head against the shower wall with a sigh. He gasped slightly when Adam’s hands slid down over his ass, deliberately kneading the globes.

“I think somebody needs to be put to bed, but maybe not third person,” Adam said, leaning down to nibble on Tommy’s earlobe piercing in a way that made his dick jerk.

Tommy keened as Adam practically massaged his ass and the tops of his thighs. “To be so flat, you sure seem interested in my ass,” he said hoarsely and Adam grinned against his neck.

“Tight little asses are my thing,” he said, stepping up to press against Tommy, pulling him flush against him.

Tommy moaned and dropped his head back on Adam’s shoulder as Adam slid his arms around and washed across Tommy’s chest, dick digging into his lower back as he held him and scrubbed lower and lower. Tommy let out a soft moan as Adam’s soapy hand closed around his dick, stroking him teasingly. “Adam, please,” he moaned, only to whine when Adam pulled away.

“C’mon, let’s get out and go to bed,” he said with a dark, almost predatory look in his eyes. He leaned in and stole a kiss before shoving him under the spray of the water. Tommy choked momentarily and flapped his hands, glaring at Adam as he blinked up at him. 

“Excuse you, you can’t sleep with me if you drown me,” he said and Adam gave him an innocent little apologetic smile. “Idiot,” he said affectionately.

“Yay, out now!” Adam said, shoving him at the door.

Tommy squawked and held onto Adam to keep from falling. “Hey, you, stop knocking me around. Marriage doesn’t give you caveman rights, buddy,” he teased, slipping out of the shower to get a towel.

Adam hummed appreciatively at the sight of Tommy’s naked body and sighed. “But it’s so fun to be all manly and drag you around by your hair,” he teased, shutting off the shower before leaving it. He walked over to Tommy and pulled him close by the towel that was wrapped around his waist, trapping Tommy against him.

Tommy grunted and smirked up at Adam as he felt Adam’s erection through the towel. “You are the weirdest fucker I’ve ever met, Adam Lambert,” he joked, leaning up for a kiss.

“Lies,” Adam accused against his lips. “You’ve met my brother,” he said with a smirk.

Tommy made a face. “Ew, I do not want to think about that _thing_ in the middle of making out with my wet, naked, sexy husband,” he whined. Adam chuckled and kissed Tommy again slowly. The kiss was broken sharply as Adam scooped Tommy up, making him yelp and throw his arms and legs around Adam, clinging. “ADAM!” he squeaked, cheeks burning as he realized how far from manly his yelp had been.

Adam looked his hands under Tommy’s thighs, grinning as he carried his wet, naked, sexy husband from the bathroom out into the bedroom, dropping him onto the bed with a lascivious smirk as he crawled up the bed after him. “Baby,” he said in a low tone that made Tommy visibly shiver and blush when he realized Adam saw it. Adam kissed him, lowering himself beside Tommy, one leg sliding between Tommy’s thighs as he curled his hand around Tommy’s jaw. “You’re so beautiful, baby,” he all but whispered, rocking their hips together slowly. “The most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen,” he added, kissing him slowly.

Tommy pulled away slightly and smiled up at him. “Adam,” he said, reaching up to stroke his fingertips along Adam’s jaw very seriously. “You’re the hottest dude I’ve ever fucked,” he informed him and Adam cracked up laughing softly against Tommy’s lips as he went in for another kiss.

“What on earth am I gonna do with you, TommyJoe?” he asked with a heavy, happy sigh, twirling his finger in the short hair at the nape of Tommy’s neck.

Tommy looked up into Adam’s beautiful, twinkling, perfect eyes and smiled softly, stealing a tiny peck. “Love me and never let me go,” he answered, feeling his stomach flip at the fire that burned in Adam’s eyes suddenly.

“Always and never,” Adam answered soberly, kissing Tommy deeply to punctuate the thought. 

Later, when Tommy was beneath Adam, lying on his belly as Adam made love to him, his large, heavy body draped along Tommy fully, pinning him down as he filled his body in slow, deep, fire-driven thrusts, Tommy couldn’t imagine any place he would rather be. Adam’s skin was hot against his and the way his large hands laced perfectly with Tommy’s on either side of them was the most amazingly intimate feeling Tommy had ever known. His broken, pleasured moans right beside Tommy’s ear were the most erotic sound Tommy had ever heard. It had taken Tommy a while to get Adam to stop worrying about how heavy he was and fully let their bodies connect, but once he had, Tommy was pretty sure they couldn’t possibly be any closer and it was _perfect_. Adam’s thrusts could only be slow and torturous, but it drove Tommy crazy in the _best_ way ever.

Tommy was pretty sure he wasn’t the only one shaking uncontrollably, so close to the edge it felt like he was going to shatter when he finally reached his peak. “Adam, oh fuck, baby, please,” he begged, tightening his hold on Adam’s hands, tossing his hair back a little so he could turn his head and meet Adam in a heated kiss.

Adam groaned, nearly a growl into Tommy’s mouth. “Tommy, I gotta, you gotta let me just- so close-“ he mumbled, trying to lift off of Tommy some to afford himself more room, but Tommy shook his head, holding his hands tightly. “Fuck, baby, I’m gonna- lemme just-“ He tried to pull a hand away, undoubtedly to pull them onto their knees and get a hand on Tommy, but Tommy whined.

“No, I’m so close, please, Adam, like this, just like- yeah, oh God,” he moaned and Adam’s eyes shot open as he felt Tommy’s trembling increase. “So- Adam, oh fuck-“ Adam panted harshly, feeling himself at the brink of tipping over the edge. He was about to warn Tommy that he was there when Tommy cried out sharply, body tight as a bowstring. The way his body clenched around Adam was enough to shove him over the edge himself and he gasped and, groaning louder than he meant to as he came harder than he had in a long time. 

“Tommy, oh God, Tommy, fuck,” he gasped, panting. He whined as Tommy’s tight heat became too much for him, everything post-orgasm sensitive. He carefully lifted his weight off of Tommy, who let him go this time. He groaned as he sat back on his knees, shoving his hand through his still wet hair, pushing it out of his face. “Oh my God,” he groaned, falling to the mattress beside Tommy, who turned his head and gave him a bleary eyed smile. 

“Fuck, Adam,” he said in a rough, fucked out voice, chuckling weakly as he lifted his head and flipped his hair out of his eyes. “Don’t know if I can move,” he admitted, humming contentedly.

Adam laughed almost deliriously, turning to face Tommy. “Did you seriously just-“

Tommy laughed and nodded, cheeks growing pink. “I wasn’t actually sure at my age I could seriously get off with nothing but the sheets ever touching my dick,” he said, lifting up on his elbows to lean over and seek a kiss from Adam. “God, I’m not kissing your ass here, you’re ridiculously great,” he said playfully, kissing him again, sweet little kisses. “I weep for the people who never get to sleep with you now,” he said, and Adam grinned.

“Not so bad yourself, baby,” he said, pushing his hair behind his ears. He looked at Tommy through happy, love-filled eyes. 

He smiled secretively and Tommy couldn’t help quirk an eyebrow. “What is it?” he asked, and Adam bit his lip like he had a secret. “Adam?” he asked, and Adam let out an almost giddy little laugh.

“I’m married, I’m on my honeymoon, and I just made love to my _husband_ for the first time,” he said and Tommy rolled his eyes, chuckling.

“You are ridiculous,” he teased, then pushed himself up, kissing Adam sweetly before sliding out of bed. “I’m gross, I’ll be right back,” he said, and Adam whined as he walked away.

“But I was almost ready to cuddle the fuck out of you,” he said, and Tommy laughed as he walked across the room naked, disappearing into the bathroom. 

“You’ll actually be able to move by the time I get back, stop worrying,” Tommy called, and Adam sighed happily, flopping onto his back with a smile. He rested his head in his hands and he grinned secretively as he looked up at the ceiling. He heard Tommy coming back and he turned to look, only to have his smile soften as Tommy slid into the bed, shifting until his head was resting on Adam’s arm, slinging an arm across Adam’s chest. 

“What’s got you so giddy?” Tommy asked, and Adam smiled, lowering his arm to curl around Tommy’s shoulders.

“I’m just happy,” he said, and Tommy smiled up at him, leaning in for a kiss.

“I know the feeling,” he admitted, curling around Adam happily.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam woke up, he rolled over, only to frown when he didn’t find Tommy. He felt around blearily then whined when he had to open his eyes to look. He sat up, frowning as he looked around and didn’t see Tommy anywhere. He got out of bed and shuffled to the door, only to raise an eyebrow when he saw a figure that could only be Tommy out on the terrace. He sleepily made his way outside, shuffling into a pair of sweatpants as he went, only to smile when he got to the door and stopped, watching the way Tommy looked as he leaned on the rail and gazed out at the sea. 

“Good morning,” he said, and Tommy started, turning to glance back.

Tommy’s breath caught as Adam walked to him, the sunlight making every freckle on his face sparkle. “Morning Babyboy,” he said, tilting his face up for a good morning kiss.

Adam curled his arms around Tommy, both of them turning to look out at the ocean. “Maybe we should buy a house on the coast,” he suggested and Tommy chuckled, tilting his head back to look up at Adam.

“Our house is our home, I think we can stick with it for a while,” he suggested and Adam nodded, kissing the side of Tommy’s head. Tommy closed his eyes, settling back against Adam, laying his hands on the back of Adam’s arms, resting his weight against his strong chest. 

There were moments, more often since they actually had gotten married, that Tommy wondered if it had been wrong to lie to Adam, if it had been bad to break his trust that way. Every moment of happiness, however, made it easier to convince himself it wasn’t wrong. If he hadn’t lied, he wouldn’t be there. Adam was happy. Adam loved him and he loved being married. It was a lie, but it was a lie that only helped both of them be happy.

Tommy looked up at Adam, taking in the bright, blissfully happy look in his clear blue eyes. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his temple against Adam’s jaw. He couldn’t feel bad about anything that made the man he loved that happy.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy couldn’t stop giggling while Adam sat with a mortified expression next to him. “Oh my God, this is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen in my whole life,” Adam said softly, watching as the doctor finished the stitches on the side of Tommy’s leg. 

“I told you not to be honest when they asked you how I cut my leg,” Tommy said through his giggles, cheeks bright pink with laughter. “I was fully prepared to lie my ass off but no, you had to say it before I could stop you,” he teased.

The doctor just snickered some, which made Adam’s face burn brighter. “I wish you didn’t speak English,” Adam grumbled, and the doctor laughed harder, snipping off the length of gauze needed to wrap Tommy’s leg.

“Well, it’s good we’re going home tomorrow anyways,” Tommy said. “Couldn’t have gotten any beach time in fresh stitches like this if this had happened one of the first nights,” he pointed out.

The door opened and a lady came in. “I’ve got a wrist brace?” she said, looking at the note on the brace in her hand. “Say, did you hear about what Rita down at the desk is saying about a honeymoon couple had an accident in the bedroom-“

Tommy burst out giggling again, which made Adam groan and put his hands over his face, wishing he could just disappear. 

Adam and Tommy had been in bed, in the throes of passion, when Adam had attempted to roll them over and pin Tommy beneath him, only to misjudge and take them both sailing off the side of the bed. Tommy’s leg was gouged by the metal of the table leg and he had landed on his wrist funny, all of which wasn’t made any better by Adam’s giant ass landing on top of him. Tommy’s leg had started gushing blood and Adam had promptly freaked out and ran to call the front desk while Tommy got up to go get a towel to stop the bleeding. 

It ended up not being so bad, so a doctor who happened to be downstairs at the time had been able to stitch it up, only five stitches, and then they tracked down a brace for Tommy’s wrist after the guy decided it wasn’t broken.

However, the people at the front desk had spoken a little too loudly about what Adam told them and it was around the resort already. Tommy only hoped for Adam’s sake nobody knew it was Adam Lambert who tossed his husband out of bed during sex, resulting in minor injuries.

“Alright,” the doctor said, finishing tying the laces on the brace. “Good for now,” he said. “I would say have a nice night, but something tells me that’s out of the question,” he chuckled, and Tommy let out a loud laugh, clapping the man on the shoulder with his free hand.

“Oh yeah, definitely not a story we’ll be recounting for the grandkids some day,” he said brightly, making them both laugh again.

Adam just whined and slid down in his seat, wishing more than anything that the floor would open and swallow him whole.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam gave Tommy an apologetic puppy dog look the whole way through the airport as Tommy limped because of the stitches in his leg. Adam carried all of their bags, but Tommy’s wrist and leg still hurt him.

When they finally got home, Adam’s first thought was immediately to get Tommy some pain killers and let him go lay on the couch, but instead they got home to discover the house already occupied by most of their friends.

Adam groaned and dropped their bags in the entry as Sutan swept Tommy up in a hug. “VAYVEE!” he cried, and Tommy grunted in pain as he was dragged halfway into the living room by his bad hand.

“Stop, stop, ow oh dude, stop,” he gasped, cringing when he finally got his hand back. “Sprained wrist you fucker,” he said, whimpering as he cradled his arm to his chest.

“Oh shit,” Sutan said, cringing. “Sorry Tommy,” he said.

Monte raised an eyebrow at the way Tommy limped to the occupied couch and sprawled across the occupants, namely Taylor, Isaac, and Neil. “Dude, what the hell happened to you?” he asked.

“WHAT HAPPENS IN MEXICO STAYS IN MEXICO!” Adam shouted desperately from the hall, still struggling with their bags, only to stumble over them and catch himself on the entry way to the living room.

Tommy snickered. “Well, last night-“

“NO!” Adam begged, and Tommy’s smirk got even more evil.

“Adam tossed me off and I cut my leg on the table and had to get a few stitches,” he said, and there were several shocked gasps, amused bursts of laughter, and grossed out ‘ewww’s.

Taylor, however, had the best reaction of all. “Off of what?” he asked plainly. Sasha snickered from the floor and got up, knee walking over to whisper in his ear. “OH! THAT!” he cried, then burst out giggling. “Ew, that’s fucked up,” he said, poking Tommy’s foot playfully.

Adam groaned and slumped against the wall. Cheeks perked up. “Oh, he still does that?” he asked, and Adam gave a sound not unlike a dying goat.

“No, this isn’t happening-“

“What isn’t sweetie?” Leila asked, walking in with Tommy’s mother and sister in tow.

Adam made another horrified sound, shaking his head frantically, though it didn’t stop Terrance from answering. “Adam’s embarrassed because Tommy told us how his stitches are a result of Adam bucking him across the room during sex,” he said, and Adam whimpered pitifully.

Tommy made a face. “Did you have to say that in front of our moms? You guys are one thing but… they’re our _moms_!” he stressed.

“But how did you sprain your wrist?” Neil asked, poking Tommy’s hand with a gleefully evil grin every time Tommy flinched because of it.

Tommy swatted at his hand, too distracted to remember _not_ to answer. “He landed on me on the way to the fl- oh my God, NEIL!” he whined, covering his face, only to cry out as he slapped his bad hand onto his face as well.

“No, that’s it, I’m hallucinating!” Adam said suddenly, looking up with a hopeful look. “This is all a mirage. I’m gonna go upstairs and then when I come back, it will all have been a sleep-deprived lie,” he said, standing to walk out wordlessly.

There was an awkward silence that Sutan broke with a hum. “Well, that’s a story for the grandkids,” he offered, and Tommy burst into tired giggles.

“Oh my God, I’m never telling our imaginary grandkids about ‘the time Grandpa Adam and I were doing it and we fell out of bed and it injured me’, Sutan,” he argued.

“Don’t feel bad, you’re not the only one that happened to,” Cheeks offered, and Tommy groaned.

“So not cool to mention having the same thing happen to the _husband_ of the guy it happened with,” he said, and Cheeks snorted.

“Bullshit, we’ve compared notes, bitch, you’re just trying to make yourself look better in front of everybody else,” he said, and Tommy paled, afraid he’d been caught, only to blush instead when Neil made a horrified sound.

“God, I need a new family and new friends,” he said, shaking his head sadly.

Taylor smiled. “So, how was it? Sun, sand, and sex?” he asked, and Tommy grinned.

“Yeah, pretty much like every other tropical paradise we’ve been too, but with less booze, babes, and band mates,” he said, and Taylor grinned.

“So like Cabo but without the drunken charades and photo evidence?” he asked, and Tommy smiled.

“I didn’t get actually drunk a single time, this one, so definitely not that. And NO photo evidence, we made sure nobody knew we were there so we could have total privacy, not photos of us all over the internet, trying to have our damn honeymoon,” he said, yawning.

Monte chuckled. “You tired, dude?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Air travel is one thing that makes me wonder if there isn’t a god just because there is NO natural explanation for how much it sucks,” he said bitterly, making everybody laugh. 

“Alright, here you go, baby,” Adam said, walking in with a bottle of water and a closed fist. He walked over and knelt beside Tommy, offering him the bottle and his open palm with pills in it.

Tommy grinned, taking them. He sat up enough to swallow the pills and wash them down with water before humming. “I’m shocked you came back in here,” he said, and Adam sighed.

“Yeah, well you needed those more than I needed whatever shred of dignity I had left, I’d be a shitty person to let my husband be in pain rather than face some embarrassment,” he said, and several people ‘awwww’ed dramatically.

Tommy smiled at the splash of pink that took up residence on Adam’s cheeks. “Hey, ya’ll all fuck off, leave the man alone,” he said, then leaned over to peck Adam’s lips. “Thanks, Babyboy.”

Adam shrugged. “Not a problem.” He watched Tommy yawn again and stood up, hands on his hips. “Alright, thanks for the surprise, but really, those are gonna knock Tommy out, may as well leave now before I’m stuck trying to haul his ass up to bed,” he said, ending the party before it ever really started.

Once everybody had left and they had all said their goodbyes, Tommy flopped onto the couch, only to have Adam come touch his hand gently. “Come on, let’s go take a nap, okay?” he asked, pressing kisses to Tommy’s fingertips.

Tommy smiled, feeling his heart thud. “I love you,” he said, and Adam smiled.

“Love you more.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy grumbled angrily as he looked at all the photos of him and Adam from their honeymoon that were online. “I thought we were fucking discrete!” he called to Adam, who was in the bathroom, getting ready.

Adam’s laugh echoed out. “Well we tried. I guess they’re just getting really good,” he said, then walked out. “Besides, it’s just like the last Mexico trip, huh?” he asked, and Tommy frowned.

“What do you mean?” he asked, and Adam shot him a curious look.

“The picture of us on the balcony?” he asked and Tommy shook his head.

“What about it?” he asked, rolling over, whining softly as he grabbed his wrist brace off the bedside table, sliding it on carefully.

Adam walked over and sat on the edge of the bed to help him. “You know, the pictures of me and you on the balcony back when went to Cabo that everybody talked about.” Tommy just stared. “You know, ‘Adam Lambert on vacation with man’ and shit?” he asked, and Tommy bit his lip.

“Oh yeah, that,” he said, and Adam looked him in the eye.

“You don’t remember,” he said, and Tommy shook his head.

“No I don’t, I’m sorry baby,” he admitted.

Adam smiled sadly, finishing getting Tommy’s brace on his hand before reaching out to push his bangs from his face. “Why do I get the idea you really have a lot of gaps you’re hiding from me?” he asked, and Tommy gave him a wide eyed look. His breath caught as he realized he was found out. He just knew Adam had figured out how much he was hiding.

“I’m sorry,” he offered weakly and Adam groaned.

“Do not apologize for brain injury, Tommy,” he said, leaning down to kiss him sweetly. “I love you and I’m just sorry you’re trying to hide it from me to spare my feelings.”

Tommy breathed again. “Yeah, I’m sorry for hiding shit, though,” he covered, and Adam shook his head, catching his lips again. “Adam, you’ve really got to go,” he said apologetically against his lips.

Adam whined. “But I’m kissing my husband, they can wait-“

“ADAM! Come the fuck on!” Lane called up the stairs. “I swear to God, if you’re not ready when I get up there, I’ll have your balls!” 

Adam whined, pouting as he let his head fall to Tommy’s shoulder. “But I liked spending all day with you,” he said, and Tommy smiled lovingly at Adam’s head, stroking his hair with his good hand.

“I know, I know,” he said, curling his arms around Adam’s shoulders in a hug. “C’mon, Lane’s gonna have your balls apparently,” he warned jokingly, and Adam laughed.

“I guess I do like having those,” he noted, propping over Tommy, hand planted on the other side of his hip. He stroked his thumb along Tommy’s cheek, smiling when Tommy’s eyes lit up. “So pretty,” he said softly, staring lovingly into Tommy’s eyes, ignoring the way Tommy’s wrist brace scratched the back of his neck as Tommy’s arms hung loosely around his shoulders.

Tommy couldn’t help the warm feeling he got when he looked into his husband’s eyes. He felt guilty for lying, but so happy that his lies had resulted in having the beautiful person in front of him in his life. He wanted to tell Adam the truth, but in all honesty, he wasn’t sure he ever could. “Adam, I love-“

“Oh for fucks sake,” Lane cried, rushing over to grab Adam’s boots. “Put them on, we’re late!” she demanded, shoving the boots between Adam and Tommy’s bodies. “Tommy, hands off,” she said, swatting at his arm, only to have him wince.

“Ow, woman!” he whined, pulling his wrist to his chest. “I’m fucking injured,” he said with a grumpy pout.

“Oh whatever, you’ve been injured for four days, you could just man up,” she teased and Adam sighed.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” he said, ducking in for one more kiss. “Love you, see you later, take your medicine and call Dia if it doesn’t stop hurting,” he instructed, standing to hop into his boots. “And don’t forget the antibiotic for your leg after you eat, and if you need help with something you can’t do with your hand, just call-“

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Yes, dear, now go!” he said, watching Lane glaring at Adam.

“Oh and if you get hungry-“ Adam started, but Tommy cut him off with a stern look.

“Adam, I’m a grown ass man, I can take care of myself for a few hours,” he said pointedly.

Adam sighed. “Alright, alright, later Tommy!” he called as Lane grabbed him and dragged him out the door.

Tommy laughed. “Love you! Be safe,” he called, and then went back to his laptop.

The only problem was how much it felt like he had dodged a bullet.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy was wrestling with a bottle of Dr. Pepper, whining as the tightly closed cap hurt his wrist. “Fuckin’. Adam,” he grunted, knowing no way had anybody else been strong enough to close a bottle that tightly. There were other bottles of soda in the refrigerator, and more importantly, enough beer to fuel his entire video game-filled afternoon, but he knew better than to drink with his pills after the last time he puked his guts up taking pain killers and forgetting not to drink alcohol. 

“I really don’t want to hear anything about fucking my brother-“

Tommy screamed and jumped, dropping the bottle. “AHH!” He turned and glared. “NEIL!” he complained, crossing his arms. “Don’t come sneaking into the house when I’m alone!” he argued, rolling his eyes as he picked up the bottle. “Great, now I can’t even drink it,” he said, shoving it back into the refrigerator. He grabbed a can of Adam’s diet coke he kept around and popped the tab. “What’re you here for?” he asked before taking a sip.

Neil snorted. “I was talking to Adam and mentioned I was bored and he guilted me into coming to check on you since you’ve got a gimpy arm,” he said, and Tommy flipped him off to prove his arm was still good for something.

“Great, you can fix me something to eat,” he said with an evil grin.

Neil hummed. “Or, I could kick your ass,” he said, and Tommy frowned at the bite in his voice and how serious his eyes were.

“Uh, what?” he asked in confusion.

Neil narrowed his eyes, leaning his elbows on the counter across from Tommy, who was suddenly glad it was between them with the angry look on Neil’s face. Neil was a big guy, after all, and Tommy was already injured. “So, I got into an interesting conversation with Cheeks the other night after we left, which then ended in us deciding that it would be a good idea to discuss our conversation with Sutan. We ended up sitting at a bar drinking for a while before Sutan slipped something I really wasn’t expecting,” he said and Tommy felt the blood leaves his face.

The jig was up. The game was over. Tommy couldn’t even flounder for a lie to cover his ass, he knew Neil was smarter than he was anyways. All that he could come up with was, “Uh-oh.”

Neil’s nostrils flared. “Uh-oh? Seriously? I didn’t even say what,” he said and Tommy bit his lip, trying to get his best puppy eyes into the game. “Oh no, innocent little faces won’t save your ass now,” he spat. “So, Cheeks and I were talking about how interesting it is you remembered _everything_ overnight yet every time somebody comes up with something, you don’t seem to remember,” he said, crossing his arms as he stood straight. “So we were comparing notes, and we thought that Sutan might know something more because you guys spend a lot of time together, maybe you had more gaps than most of us figured, so we called him up and went out. He covered your ass a lot, but when he had more than a few drinks in him, he let something slip,” he said and Tommy ducked his head in shame.

“Yeah,” he said in defeat.

Neil grumbled. “Sutan said something about ‘that was Monte’s area, not mine’ when we mentioned you forgetting something, I don’t remember what, and then he got all ‘holy shit’ and started backpedaling and we weren’t suspicious until he kept covering and covering and then I started putting pieces together and he outright admitted that he and Monte ‘helped’ you remember,” he said coldly. Tommy nodded, looking up sheepishly. Neil just shook his head. “Why would you lie about that?! Why the fuck would you pretend to remember?” he demanded. 

Tommy sighed. “Let me guess, you’re confronting me before telling Adam?” he asked, and Neil sighed.

“Not until I’ve figured out why you did it. Why the fuck would you lie to him?” he asked angrily. “It’s one thing to lie to all of us, but why did you lie to your husband?”

Tommy put his face in his hands, then looked up. “So he would marry me,” he said honestly, figuring he was in deep enough shit without trying to cover his ass.

Neil just stared. “What?” he asked flatly. “Why the hell would you _start a marriage_ based on lies?” He gave him a dark look. “For fucks sake, you realize when he finds out, he’s going to be upset and confused and hurt and that’s my fucking brother we’re talking about, you bastard,” he said bitterly.

Tommy chuckled weakly. “He was gonna cancel the wedding,” he said softly, looking at his hands. “I tried to get him to marry me anyways, but he was adamant that he wasn’t going to marry me and then have me never remember and be stuck married to a man when my mentality was in that of Straight Tommy. He wasn’t going to let himself be stuck dealing with divorce when I ended up not remembering and falling for somebody else,” he said almost desperately.

Neil glared. “So you figured lying about it now was okay?! What about when that happens? Fuck, how much do you even remember?! You make it sound like you don’t know much.”

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t,” he admitted honestly. “I remember getting the tattoo on my leg, I remember our first time, and I keep getting tiny flashes of random stuff, like playing on stage, and laughing with Taylor and Isaac… nothing worth anything other than the tattoo and the other thing.”

Neil stiffened. “Then why did you marry him? What are you trying to get from him by this shit? You did sign a prenup, right?” he asked darkly.

Tommy groaned. “Fuck Neil, I’m not in this to fuck him over! Yes, I did, and it doesn’t _matter_!” he stressed. “I lied because I love him!” he cried almost desperately. “I don’t know why, I still can’t remember personally why, but I could feel it from the first day home, I knew deep down I was gone for him, even when I was still in ‘oh I am a straight guy!’ mode. If I could still feel that much for him, still know in my gut that he’s my everything, why would I lie to fuck him over?!” he asked. “I lied because we had a scrap book, I found it in one day, where we had fully planned our wedding. There was only one or two TINY things unplanned. Adam was going to cancel his dream wedding, Neil. He was hurt, and he was lost, and I could tell every time he looked at me that he wanted _his_ Tommy so much it was killing him, and even if I didn’t know who his Tommy was, I loved him too much and it was like I was hurting him.” 

Tommy didn’t realize he was tearing up until his vision blurred. He wiped at his face angrily, embarrassed by his tears. “I was hurting him, and he needed the me he knew, and he was going to cancel his dream wedding, and I couldn’t hurt him anymore,” he said weakly. “I got Monte and Sutan to help me memorize enough to fool Adam. If it was something they didn’t know, chances are I could still create enough holes in my memory to be believable. When he got home one day, I just ran downstairs and jumped into his arms and called him Babyboy and kissed him and announced I remembered and-“ he took a breath and smiled at the memory. “He looked so happy. He was thrilled. He was just- I’d never seen him look so happy before and I knew it was worth the lying to make him happy! He was crying and telling me how much he missed me, and how much he was afraid he’d never marry me and how he tried hiding how much it killed him to not have ‘his’ Tommy. I don’t regret it. I don’t.”

Neil just stared, looking surprised. “Shit, really?” he asked, and Tommy nodded. He sighed. “Well fuck, I thought you were trying to screw him over, I didn’t think… anything like this,” he stressed.

Tommy chuckled weakly, sipping his drink with shaky hands. “Yeah, I didn’t think you would.”

Neil looked at him hard. “It’s still wrong, Tommy. Good intentions or not, you _tricked_ him into marrying you.”

Tommy sighed. “I know, and I feel guilty that I lied to my husband, but he’s happy. Hell, I’m happy! I don’t care if I don’t remember falling in love with him, I don’t care how big of a pussy this makes me, but I fucking love that man more than I thought I could love anything. I don’t give a damn how fucking pussy that sounds, he’s my husband,” he stressed. “I hate lying to him, I do, but I would hate even more if he hadn’t married me, if he’d slid into the depression he was on the edge of. I’ll be damned if I see the happiest man I’ve ever met depressed over me.”

“And what will you do when you do remember?” Neil asked.

Tommy smiled. “Be glad I made the right choice to start with,” he said honestly. “I mean, I do want to remember to fill in the gap I’ve got, but it doesn’t matter. What matters to me isn’t what I don’t remember, what matters to me is making new memories now,” he pointed out. “I’m married to the most amazing man in the entire world. I wasn’t then,” he said simply. “It matters so much more that I make new memories with him now than remember a time I wasn’t with him. So I don’t regret anything.”

Neil sighed. “Fine, whatever, but if Adam ever finds out, you’re _fucked_.”

Tommy sighed. “Don’t I know it,” he said, smiling. “So you won’t tell him?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “And fuck up a good thing? No way, dude. Last thing I need is to upset my dramatic brother, dude. He’s happy, he’s loved, and that’s more important in this case than the truth.”

Tommy just smiled. “Thanks, Neil.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam started being withdrawn almost immediately after Tommy had been confronted by Neil, Tommy was pissed. He didn’t think Adam would hide the facts if he knew Tommy was faking, but he didn’t know anything else to explain Adam’s sudden change. He never had a chance to get in contact with Neil, though.

Their tour had been rescheduled to start in a week, having been delayed by Tommy’s sprained wrist, and Tommy was worried that, if it wasn’t Neil having told Adam anyways, maybe Adam was really stressed about tour. He tried to make things easy for Adam and keep him distracted, but the sense that Adam was unhappy was still there.

One night, Tommy was curled up with his head on Adam’s lap while they watched TV, only to look up and realized Adam was just staring at the screen, not reacting. He sat up and slid half into Adam’s lap, legs across his thighs, head laid on his chest. “Adam, are you okay?” he asked, laying his hand on Adam’s middle as he looked up at him.

Adam smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, I’m just thinking,” he said, and Tommy frowned as he saw Adam wince. “Tommy… why-“ he took a breath. “Nah, it’s nothing,” he said, but Tommy nudged him in the ribs. “Why does everybody have to be so into pushing their opinions of our marriage onto us?” he asked, and Tommy’s frown deepened.

“Did somebody say something?” he asked, and Adam just made a face. “Adam, I don’t give a shit who says what,” he said honestly. He tilted his chin up and stole a kiss from Adam’s lips. “I love you. With every piece of my heart, I love you,” he added, lacing his fingers with Adam’s. “Everybody else doesn’t matter, okay?”

Adam smiled. “Yeah, they’re jealous and all that good shit,” he said, though he was clearly unconvinced. “But it’s people who have nothing to gain. It’s people who used to agree that we were a great couple to get married. It’s now all of a sudden people are hinting that something’s wrong and it bugs me,” he admitted, stroking Tommy’s bangs back from his face.

Tommy tilted his head and bit Adam’s jaw lightly. “Do you think anything’s wrong?” he asked almost fearfully, though he hid it as best he could.

Adam looked down at him and shook his head, bumping their noses together. “Sometimes I still worry about you, you seem paranoid sometimes, but we’re happy, right? You and me, we’ve got a good thing. Always have had,” he said, and Tommy smiled at him gently, tipping his chin up to kiss Adam softly. 

“I don’t want to worry you,” Tommy said, letting his forehead lean against Adam’s chin. “I’m sorry I still have problems-“

“Shhh, don’t apologize,” Adam said, cuddling Tommy as close as he could. He turned and held his lips to Tommy’s temple, arms around him. “I just feel stressed and I worry they’re right. You’re still having some problems like you’ve admitted to, and maybe I’m just thinking things are alright? I’ve been busy a lot lately, but-“

“No,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “None of this is your fault. People just can’t butt out,” he said, fighting the urge to ask Adam _what_ was said and who said it. He knew if he asked and Adam said what he thought Neil had suggested, he would get caught in his lie. He wanted to allay Adam’s fears but he knew bringing it up would only make him freeze up and be unable to cover his ass.

Adam just sighed and looked at Tommy, pulling his head back to look into his eyes, long and hard. “You’re my Tommy,” he announced after a few minutes of just looking into Tommy’s eyes.

Tommy smiled. “Of course I am. And you’re my Adam,” he said, poking his tongue out playfully.

Adam just sighed, eyes softening as his body lost a lot of the tension it had been holding for days. “Yeah, I really am,” he whispered, pecking Tommy’s lips, only to giggle when Tommy gave his lips a playful kitten lick. Adam pulled away, making a face. “Tommy, I’m trying to be sweet, stop being silly!”

“Married the wrong guy for not being silly, dude,” he warned, then licked Adam’s cheek like a dog, which made Adam whine.

“Ew, Tommy-“

“You’ll let me stick it in your mouth but I can’t put it on your cheek?” he asked with a cocked eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Adam rolled his eyes. “It feels weird to lick my face, dude,” he said, ducking away as Tommy tried to lick him again.

“You don’t complain when I lick other parts of your body,” he said and Adam flushed but narrowed his eyes.

“You’re not funny, TommyJoe,” he said as seriously as possible, only to squeal when Tommy dodged forward and licked a stripe up from his cheekbone to his hairline. “EW! Tommy that’s gross and slobbery-“

“You like my slobber, Tommy germs get you hot,” Tommy teased, tussling with Adam in an attempt to lick his face while Adam tried to hold him off.

“Tommy, NO!” he screeched, laughing loudly.

“GEEERRRMMMMSSS!” Tommy cried gleefully, trying his best to get to Adam, dissolving the whole situation into a session of play wrestling, the original issue completely forgotten.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
However, the next day, Adam was just as uneasy as ever. Eventually, Tommy couldn’t help it. “Alright, what’s eating at you?” he asked over breakfast, sitting on opposite sides of the table. “We talked last night, why are you still so… whatever?” he asked, gesturing to Adam.

Adam sighed. “Well…” He looked up suddenly, face determined. “It’s just something Brad said, is all,” he said, and Tommy’s heart sunk. “It’s nothing serious, he was just being a little practical joker, you know? He was trying to sell me on the idea that you don’t _actually_ remember anything, how funny is that?” he asked, though his smile looked forced. “He didn’t say what exactly he meant, which was even more of a clue it was all just fibs, right?” he asked, and Tommy just stared down. Adam’s voice took a slightly panicked tinge and he cleared his throat. “Right, Tommy? Tommy? Glitterbaby?” he tried, voice increasingly worried each time.

Tommy, however was trying to find anything, any way to look Adam in the eye and lie to him. He tried to think of anything he could possibly do to look his husband in the face and tell him he had lied to him. “Well… it’s a funny story,” Tommy started, trying to make light of the situation in hopes Adam was just able to accept that it wasn’t as serious as he thought.

Adam, however, dropped his fork. “Tommy, no,” he said in a hollow voice, staring at him.

Tommy smiled a pained, failed little smile. “Well you see, I do remember some stuff-“

“Define some!” Adam demanded, skin losing all color as it dawned upon him that there was truth to what Brad had insisted to him, truth to what Adam had _known_ was a lie. “Tommy?” he asked weakly, horrified the longer Tommy stayed silent.

Tommy bit his lip. “I- I remember a little,” he said weakly, giving up on trying to make light. He knew he was fucked. He knew the fight would be a pretty bad one, he just wanted to focus on apologizing as fast as possible. “Adam, I remember enough-“

“What is enough, Tommy?” Adam asked weakly, eyes wide and fearful.

Tommy put down his spoon. “I remember our first time, I remember getting my tattoo, I remember these little things, just… flashes of being on stage, flashes of being in bed watching you sleep… some things with my family, a few little things like hanging out with Isaac and dancing with Sasha… some stuff.”

Adam’s jaw dropped. “Flashes, ‘little things’… you don’t remember anything?!” he cried shrilly. “You don’t- oh my God, how the fuck did you- how could you lie to me?!” he cried in horror. He stood up and shoved his chair away, pacing. “You lied so well, oh my God, I believed you! You had it all down, how did you even do that- oh my God, what the fuck-“ Adam continued to pace and ramble for a while before stopping to face Tommy, his skin blotchy red and his eyes betraying how upset he was. “You- you don’t even _know_ me!” he said angrily. “You just fucking lied for-“ He stopped and frowned. “Well I don’t even know what for! Why did you lie?” he asked.

Tommy just took a breath, putting his head in his hands. “Because, Adam, I love you and I wanted to make you happy,” he said honestly. He looked up and held out his hands before folding his arms. “You deserved our wedding. You _deserved_ to marry the man you love after so much work and planning and so much stress and the only way it was going to happen was if I remembered. I figured I might not, so I did what I needed to. Monte and Sutan were able to coach me on being your Tommy,” he said honestly, coming clean. He couldn’t believe how nice it felt to get it off his chest. It was out there and there was no taking it back and he felt like the pressure was gone in a second.

And then Adam looked up with tears in his eyes. “But you’re not,” he said in a tight voice. He gave Tommy the most heartbreaking look Tommy had ever seen. “You’re not my Tommy, I thought I had him back, I thought you were healed, I- I’ve been spending all this time- the HAPPIEST time of my life- living a fucking lie,” he said bitterly.

Tommy felt his heart crumble at the look in Adam’s eyes. “I am, Adam. There is only one Tommy and I’m him-“

“YOU are not the man I fell in love with!” Adam cried weakly, tears slipping down his eyelashes. “You may physically be him, but you didn’t go through everything we did, you aren’t the man who changed my life, you’re _not_ the man I fell in love with! You- You’re the little metal head I met, sure, but the you that you are right now is not the man who held my hand in the wings before the first big show.” Adam smiled the way one would at a fond memory, though it was through tears streaming down his face. “You’re not the man who spent hours when I was bored teaching me about the history of grunge, or- or set me straight when I thought Jeordie White was Ginger Fish with a two hour lecture of ‘why Twiggy is your hero’, or who hid his hurt when I went out with guys because you didn’t want to ruin our friendship by telling me you loved me!” he choked out desperately. Tommy felt his throat closing at the pain in Adam’s eyes as he looked at him like a stranger in his kitchen. “You’re not the man who let me in when you shut out everybody else after your dad died,” he added and Tommy flinched, feeling the bile rising in his throat.

“I am, though Adam,” he said weakly, almost desperate. He stood up and started around the table, but Adam stepped away, shaking his head at him. Tommy whined at the pain the gesture sent through his heart. “I lied because I love you,” he all but whispered. “I don’t know why. You’re right, I don’t remember that stuff- I don’t remember any of it, but I still felt it. I love you, okay? I could feel it without knowing why. I didn’t even know you but I knew that- that when you smile it makes me happy and when you’re upset, I want to find the bastard that hurt you and put my boot up his ass,” he said in desperation. “I felt it. It was so deep, and so rooted that it was subconscious to love you. I didn’t need to know why, I just knew what I felt.” He wiped at his eyes, ashamed of himself for crying. “I did what I did because I wanted you to be happy-“ Tommy’s throat closed and he nearly had to force the squeaked words from his vocal cords. “I only ever want you to be happy.”

Adam just looked up with fierce eyes that scared Tommy. “Then get out.”

Tommy felt like he’d been kicked in the chest. “W-what?” 

Adam sniffled and nodded. “If you want me to be happy, then get out of my house,” he said, squaring his shoulders. “You lied to me. You _lied_ and you tricked me into marrying you when you’re _not_ the person I wanted to marry! I love you because you’re Tommy, but right now? This isn’t my Tommy. My Tommy would NEVER lie to me. He swore to me he wouldn’t hurt me, but you did. He wouldn’t have done this shit, but _you_ did,” he said angrily. “So get out of my house,” he spat.

“Adam, please-“ Tommy’s breath left him as he watched Adam wiggle off his ring and drop it on the floor. “Adam, no!” he cried but Adam just turned and walked out of the kitchen. “ADAM!” he cried after him, staring in shock at the ring that rolled to a stop just by the chair he had been sitting in. “No, please,” he whispered, fighting more tears. “Adam come back here!” he wailed, clutching his chest as he slid to his knees and picked up Adam’s ring. “Please,” he whispered to himself, crying without shame as he realized what Adam meant, what Adam thought of him. “Please, baby, no,” he whispered.

“PACK YOUR SHIT AND BE GONE BEFORE I’M BACK, YOU LYING BASTARD!” Adam’s voice echoed from the hall, only to be punctuated by the slamming of the front door.’

Tommy just stared at the floor, too shocked to process the fact that his husband was leaving him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy packed a bag and went into the music room to grab his two favorite guitars before heading out. He could only imagine what he looked like, a pack on his back and a guitar in each hand as he walked down the sidewalk of a fairly nice gated community. When he got to the bus stop, he realized he didn’t have any cash on him and sighed. He pulled out his phone and called the one person he figured might come get him. “Isaac, can you come pick me up?” he asked weakly.

“Sure, dude, where’re you at this early? Go for a walk and remember you don’t exercise?” he asked with a laugh.

Tommy sighed, rubbing at his swollen, red eyes. “Adam kicked me out.”

“WHAT?! What the fuck, you guys barely argue, I can’t believe he kicked you out!”

Tommy just shook his head. “He had good reason, trust me. Look, I’ll tell you all about it, just come get me, okay?” he asked before relaying the street corner he was at.

“Yeah sure man, I’ll be there soon,” he said, and Tommy chuckled dryly, shaking his head as he put his phone back in his pocket. It was almost comical how badly he was fucked.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Isaac arrived to get him, he asked what was wrong but Tommy just shook his head, refusing to say much the entire way to Isaac’s place. When they got there, Isaac helped Tommy carry his stuff inside. Sophie stood up as soon as they walked in and offered a hug to Tommy, who sighed and sank into it.

“Hey Soph,” he said, and she rubbed his back, smiling when he pulled away.

“Come on, you look like you need breakfast,” she offered, taking him to the kitchen. He sat down at the table and stared down at his hands, tapping Adam’s wedding band against the tabletop numbly. “So, Isaac said you had a fight with Adam,” she said, and Tommy sighed weakly.

“Yeah… it was… bad,” he managed to get out.

Isaac came walking in from putting Tommy’s stuff away. “Man, what happened?” he asked, coming to sit across from Tommy, only to frown as he looked at his hands. “Whatcha got there?” he asked, trying to see what it was as Tommy shifted it around.

Tommy bit his lip. “Adam’s ring,” he said softly, eyes clenching shut when he heard Sophie gasp and drop something.

“What ring?!” she asked, walking over to him. “Not his ring-ring-“

Tommy held it up. “His wedding band.” Isaac and Sophie shared shocked glances. 

“What the fuck happened?” Isaac asked in shock. “I mean… you just got married! You’ve been married a few weeks!”

Tommy chuckled dryly. “Yeah, rub some salt in it,” he said then ducked his head. “I’m probably getting divorced as we speak,” he moaned, putting his face in his hands.

“Did you cheat on him?” Sophie asked in a hard voice, and Tommy looked up in shock.

“What- NO!” he cried, and she held up a hand to stop him.

“The only thing I could imagine to make Adam leave you was that,” she said, and he shook his head. “God Tommy, what happened? I mean… one fight and he gave back his ring-“

“He took it off and dropped it on the floor and left with ‘get out’,” Tommy corrected. He took a breath and looked up. “I don’t have my memory back,” he admitted, and they both just stared in shock. He shrugged. “A few weeks before the wedding, I decided that I may not remember before Adam canceled the wedding, so I got Monte and Sutan to basically teach me the last two years,” he said with shame in his voice. “I just-“ His breath hitched and Sophie put a hand on his back. “I just wanted him to be happy,” he said almost desperately. He looked up with terrified eyes. “I lied because he deserved his dream wedding, he deserved to be happy after all the shit he went through when I got hurt. He lost part of himself when I lost my memory and he didn’t need that, he didn’t deserve it. I loved him so soon after the accident, I don’t know what it’s like to NOT love him. I didn’t need to remember why or how I fell for him, I just knew inside of me, deeper than a memory, that he was everything and I had to make him happy and I lied!” he said in a rush. “I’m not ashamed of it, I lied for him! I lied to be happy. I just faked it because he wanted _his_ Tommy and I wanted to be his Tommy for him.”

Isaac smiled sadly. “How did he find out?” he asked and Tommy groaned.

“A little while back, Neil came over all in a rage and ready to murder me. He and Cheeks got it out of Sutan when he was drunk and they both were out for my blood because Neil thought the only reason I’d lie is because I had plans to screw Adam over, or get money, or some shit. When I explained, he agreed to cover my ass because I made Adam happy and he couldn’t hurt his brother like that.” He snorted. “Cheeks apparently didn’t believe it and he didn’t explain the whole story, but he warned Adam I was lying about my memory.” He shrugged. “Last night he hinted at something somebody had said but I didn’t push it afraid I’d out myself, I distracted him. But then today he was down again so I finally asked and he thought it was a big prank but when I froze-“ He cringed. “Well, it wasn’t pretty.” He looked down at Adam’s ring. “Nothing is like seeing your husband cry and knowing you did it only to have him go into a rant about why you’re not the man he loves. That hurt. I just…” He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “I honestly feel like something in me died a little when he looked at me and said I’m not his Tommy.”

Isaac cringed. “Well don’t believe it,” he said gently. “He is upset, and rightly so, but you’re his husband, Tommy. He can’t hate you. I know you don’t remember, but he has loved you for so long-“

“That’s the problem for him! I didn’t experience things and go through hardships and all this other shit he talked about in the ‘process’ of falling in love. He doesn’t seem to care that I love him without knowing how, he just says I didn’t go through shit with him, I didn’t learn the stuff we learned together, I am a lying bastard and ‘his Tommy’ would never do that to him, and I do feel like shit, but at the same time, I did what I had to for him! I did it for him and he hates me for it.”

Sophie shook her head. “He doesn’t hate you, Tommy. Give it a little while. He’ll call you and tell you to come home, I know it,” she said, grabbing his hand. “You don’t turn off your heart like that, babe,” she said, kissing his head as she stood up. “Have some faith in him. He’ll get over his initial anger and realize that there’s something else to it than what he thinks. You shouldn’t have lied, I won’t sugarcoat that, but you’re right, you wanted him to be happy, and he won’t be happy until you guys make up.”

Tommy sighed. “God I hope so. I can’t imagine losing him for good.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
By nightfall, Adam hadn’t called. The next day saw Tommy curled up in a quilt on Isaac and Sophie’s couch, staring blankly at the TV all day long. Neil had tried to call four times but Tommy didn’t answer. The next day was Thanksgiving.

Tommy hadn’t called his family to tell them what happened, but he knew his mother would be pissed if he left for tour two days later without even showing up for Thanksgiving dinner. He sent a text to Leila before leaving for his mother’s place.

_Sorry if I made things awkward for you guys today- Tommy_

When he got to his mom’s place, he stood outside the door for a while before finally ringing the bell. When his sister answered the door she smiled. “Hey!” she said, pulling Tommy into a hug, only to frown when she looked past him. “Where’s Adam?”

Tommy just cringed. “I’ll talk about it later, but for mom, let’s just… not, okay?” he said, squeezing her hand as he walked past. 

“Is he alright? Everything okay?” Lisa asked and he sighed.

“No,” he said softly, shaking his head. “He kicked me out.” She gave him a shocked look, but just hugged him rather than asking why, for which he was grateful.

His mother looked worried but didn’t ask anything in front of his nieces and nephews. They all ignored the empty chair at the table. After dinner, Tommy played around in the living room with the kids until they got tired and were sent upstairs to bed, since his sister and her husband were staying the night rather than drive home so late.

After the kids were sent to bed, Tommy was left alone on the couch. Dia came in and sat down. “So. How about we start with the obvious?” she suggested and Tommy let his head drop back against the couch.

“I’m most likely one courier visit from divorce,” he said softly.

Dia gasped. “What?! What happened, sweetie?” she asked, grabbing his hand.

Tommy closed his eyes. “I fucked up, mom.”

“What did you do?” she asked quietly, reaching out to stroke Tommy’s bangs out of his face.

He looked at her with sadness in her son’s eyes it hurt to see. “I don’t remember.” She frowned and he groaned, rubbing at his face. “I didn’t get my memory back. I got Sutan and Monte to coach me on ‘being Tommy’ so Adam would marry me.” He sniffed weakly, laughing a hollow laugh. “I love him and I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to have his dream wedding to the love of his life, and he was going to cancel unless I remembered. So I lied.” He snorted. “I lied to make him happy and instead he hates me now.”

She frowned. “I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. Why though?” she asked. “You weren’t into boys before Adam,” she said, and Tommy snorted.

“I don’t know how but basically I could feel it pretty soon after I got back home,” he admitted. “I didn’t know why, I didn’t remember falling for him, but I could feel it deeper than memory that I loved him with everything in me,” he said softly, smiling sadly over at her. “I love him and I just wanted to make him happy. I knew it was wrong to lie, but I didn’t care, you know? I still don’t regret it. I hate he found out and I hate I had to do it, but I’d do it again,” he pointed out. 

“He found out?” she asked, and Tommy groaned.

“Yeah, some friends ended up getting it out of Sutan and one told Adam and he didn’t believe it but later on he asked me about it and I came clean. I couldn’t lie.” He shook his head. “I figured he would be angry, I knew we were in for a fight, but-“ He flinched, throat tightening. “He freaked out and was all ‘you’re not my Tommy, you aren’t the man I fell in love with’ and then told me under no uncertain terms to not be there when he got back. He hasn’t called me, I haven’t bothered calling him, and we go on tour in two days,” he said, shaking his head.

She rolled her eyes. “You haven’t called to grovel at all? Seriously?” she asked.

Tommy snorted. “Adam is hurt enough. I can’t blame him. I can’t really ask him to forgive me for _lying_. I mean, for fucks sake, he finally marries the man he loves and what happens? He finds out I lied my ass off to trick him into marrying me. I’d hate myself if I wasn’t the one who did it,” he admitted. “I did it for love. I wouldn’t change it. But at the same time, I can’t really play the ‘forgive me, I was wrong’ card, here.”

“So what, you give up?” she asked and he shrugged.

“No, I hope he cools down and then we can work it out when we’re on tour. He can’t walk out on me when we’re on tour together. He has to let me earn his forgiveness, you know?” he said. “I’ll wait it out and then whatever happens happens.”

She shook her head. “So you aren’t better, are you?” she asked, and Tommy shook his head.

“No. I just pretended because Adam needed me to be better.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After leaving his mother’s house, Tommy found himself telling the cabbie who picked him up the name of a bar rather than Isaac’s address. When he got there, he pulled out his phone and texted Neil, who was coming with them on tour once more. 

_I’m getting shitfaced at Mick’s, if Isaac calls around looking for me tomorrow and I don’t show up, I probably spent all night drinking. He’ll call you first since you’re smarter than everybody else, so tell him where I was- Tommy_

Tommy got to the bar and took up a stool. The place wasn’t very busy, seeing as most people were with their families or at home digesting. The only other people besides himself were two women in a booth in the corner, a group of frat boys, it looked like, and an old man with grizzled hair sitting down the bar. “How’re you doing?” the bartender asked, and he glanced up to see a short girl with long brown hair smiling at him wearing a tank top and a cowboy hat. “What can I get you?” she asked with a cute Texas drawl.

He raised an eyebrow at her hat and she tipped it to him. “Bourbon,” he said and she raised an eyebrow. “Don’t care what kind, don’t care how it’s served.”

She got him his drink and gave him the glass. “Got a feeling you’ll be starting a tab,” she said, and he smiled humorlessly.

“Oh yeah, keep one open,” he said, sipping his drink as she went about her business.

Several drinks and a good hour and a half later, just past midnight, the girl came to lean on the bar in front of him. “Alright, I recognize somebody drinking the stress away,” she said with a smile. “I’m a good set of ears if you need it,” she offered, twirling a piece of her hair in a manner that made it clear what she was offering.

Tommy chuckled. “I bet you’re wondering what a guy my age is doing alone on Thanksgiving, huh?” he asked, humoring her. “Or, in a bar like this, not a club,” he added.

She shrugged. “We get some guys with tattoos and piercing like yours in here. Usually getting off shift but it’s Thanksgiving, so I don’t think that’s it,” she challenged.

Tommy hummed. “Well, mine’s simple. I had Thanksgiving with my mom, my sister and her husband and kids, and then I’ve got nowhere to be,” he said, tipping his glass to her. “First Thanksgiving without my dad, he died two years ago and I don’t remember it, first Thanksgiving without my friends, they’ve all got places to be and I’m not welcome with the ones who would’ve invited me right now, and I got kicked out of my house this week, so my other option was to leave my mom and my sister and her great family and go back to my buddy’s couch and sleep there alone while he and his wife are staying with her parents,” he said, downing the rest of his drink before holding out the glass. “This seemed like a better option,” he said bitterly.

She shook her head and poured him a double. “This one’s on me,” she said sympathetically. She smirked at him, shifting _just so_ and showing her cleavage to him as best she could. “You know, I get off in an hour. I can at least offer you a bed for the night… among other things,” she said flirtatiously.

Tommy snorted, shaking his head. “Sweetie, I’m a good ten years older than you,” he said, and she rolled her eyes.

“So? You sure don’t look it,” she said, tossing her hair back. “Really, what do you say?” she asked, biting her lip.

Tommy eyed her up and down, then sighed, shaking his head. “As much as I’d have once jumped at you offer, and as hot as you are,” he acknowledged, giving her chest another appreciative glance. “The fact of it is, I’m a married man,” he said and she raised an eyebrow.

“Didn’t you say you got kicked out?” she asked, and he shrugged, showing her his left hand.

“Kicked out or not, he’s still my husband,” he said, and she blinked, eyes widening.

“Husband?” she asked, and he snickered at the dumbstruck look.

“Yep. Been married a month, if you can believe it. A month and already on the outs, fucking perfect, huh?” he asked, shaking his head. “But yeah, shit may’ve gone down, but he’s my husband and even if I didn’t love him too much to cheat on him, I made a promise by getting married. I could probably hate his guts and still not cheat, just because I like keeping promises,” he said, snorted. “Fucking whipped, huh?” he asked, and she just gave him an awkward chuckle before walking off.

Unbeknownst to Tommy, the bartender wasn’t the only one watching him. 

Somebody slid into the stool next to Tommy and he saw a flash of sparkles and groaned, expecting another woman hitting on him. “Look, I’m not here to pick somebody up, for fucks sake!” he slurred, more than a little tipsy, letting his head fall to the bar with a drunken thud.

“Oh honey, I’m definitely not here to pick you up.”

Tommy’s shoulders stiffened when he heard the familiar voice. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here,” he said, picking his head up, though he stared ahead.

Cheeks turned to face him and crossed his legs daintily, smiling when the bartender came over, eyeing him in shock. It was clear he stuck out a mile in his tight, colorful clothes in a bar like that. “Hey sweetie, can I get a soda for me and a LOT of water for this dumb fuck?” he asked, gesturing to Tommy.

She raised an eyebrow at Tommy. “Husband?” she asked, and Tommy gave her a horrified gape, a bit over expressive in his drunken state.

“Ew,” he said plainly and she snickered, going to get the order.

Brad snorted. “Ew my ass, you wish you could get a man as hot as me,” he said, then sighed. “Look, Neil called me when you texted him-“

“I fucking texted him in case I was here till closing and couldn’t get my drunk ass home,” Tommy said bitterly, alcohol making every acrid word sharper. “Not so somebody could come fucking bother me.”

“Yeah, well he figured it wasn’t a good idea to let somebody who left his family on Thanksgiving to go drink himself into a stupor, so here I am,” he said, waving a hand. “Look, TommyJoe,” he started, putting a hand on Tommy’s shoulder.

Tommy shook his head, knuckles going white around the glass in his hand. “You really don’t wanna put your hands on me right now, man, you don’t _even_ know it,” he said, voice dripping with bitter rage. Brad sucked his teeth and took his hand away and Tommy snorted. “Besides, since when are you and Neil best buddies? I swear it’s like you two come as a pair now,” he said darkly. “Who the fuck is he to send you, of all people, to get me?”

Cheeks gave him a flat look. “I’m an un-filtered bitch and he’s a sarcastic dick weed, we get along really well,” he said, and Tommy actually chuckled, because it was too true to ignore. “And he didn’t send me, he was going to come himself, but out of the goodness of my heart, rather than let him leave his family that’s already walking on eggshells, I figured I’d come get you myself. Quite honestly, before I talked to Neil, I couldn’t have cared less if you got alcohol poisoning and died in a gutter,” he said and Tommy shot him a dirty glance. 

“Well aren’t you just a little ray of fucking sunshine, good buddy,” he said, flipping him off. “Some friend that is,” he said dryly.

“Yeah, well I was under the belief that you’re a lying, backstabbing, manipulating little shitty piece of pond scum but Neil convinced me to come and get you because, liar or not, you’re not actually a bad guy for some reason,” he said honestly. “I still think you’re a piece of shit for what you did, but apparently you were just a stupid piece of shit, not a piece of shit out to fuck people over-“

Tommy cut him off with a glare. “You ruined my fucking marriage and now you have the guts to call _me_ a piece of shit?!” 

Cheeks shot him a pointed look. “Girl, stop, you ruined your own marriage,” he corrected. “Don’t try and blame that shit on me, you lied, you fucked up. You can’t blame me for growing a pair, unlike Neil, and warning one of my best friends in the world that his precious husband was a liar-“

Tommy gritted his teeth. “The reason Neil kept his mouth shut is because he found out WHY I lied. Would you like to know why?!” he asked sarcastically. “I lied because I love him, I lied because I wanted him to be happy!” he spat. “You fucking judge me for lying without knowing fuck all about the situation! Neil gave me the chance to talk before he told Adam and he found out I lied because Adam was hurting and I wanted to stop it. I wanted to give him the husband he deserved even if I didn’t remember being such!” he snapped viciously. “But then you- oh fucking YOU had to go and tell Adam I lied!”

Brad sighed. “Look, I am sorry I didn’t bother to ask you, but good reason or not, you shouldn’t have lied to your husband. You tricked him into marrying you. Sure, it was to make him happy, but it’s still wrong.”

Tommy groaned. “Yeah, I know it’s wrong, but does this fix anything?! Before I lied, Adam was hurting and struggling to hide it from me and he was dying inside every day because he lost the man he loved in a way. I lied and he was happy! He had everything he wanted, he wasn’t hurting anymore! I was happy! I’m in love with that man in a way most people can’t know, they just can’t. Did it make anything better to tell him?” he challenged. “Do you think I learned a lesson? No! I’d do it again. I feel bad for lying, but comparing the guilt to the happiness I got from seeing him smile and know it wasn’t forced? Fuck it I’d do it all again,” he pressed. “Over and fucking over and I don’t give two shits how wrong it is when it stopped my husband from crying-“

“Tommy-“

“And then you went and told and I couldn’t lie-“ Tommy choked out, bitterly fighting his emotions as his voice cracked. “You told him and he confronted me and I couldn’t cover my ass and it broke him, Brad, it fucking broke him! He cried and- and this look- oh my GOD, you cannot imagine the look in his eyes, that fucking heartbroken look he gave me. I wanted to _die_ , okay? I wanted to die so I didn’t have to see him hurt that badly,” he gritted out, never once raising his voice though his anger and pain was clearly at the breaking point. “And now- now my husband is hurting and I can’t help him! He doesn’t think I’m the man he loves OR his best friend so I can’t do anything and it’s the worst thing you could ever possibly feel!” he gasped out, throat closing as his tears of anger spilled over onto his anger heated cheeks.

“Tommy,” Cheeks said softly, grabbing his hand. “I know-“

“You don’t, you didn’t have your husband throw his ring on the floor and leave you!” he sobbed weakly, putting his face in his hands to block his tears as he cried silently, the alcohol swimming in his veins doing absolutely nothing to numb the pain.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Cheeks said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Listen sweetie, I didn’t mean to fuck up a good thing. I am really sorry about that. But you said it yourself, you lied, Tommy. Lying is not the way to start a marriage. I see why you did, I really do, and I feel terrible for hurting you guys, but you should’ve been honest. If it was meant to happen, it would’ve happened honestly.” He pulled Tommy into a hug, not caring who looked.

Tommy just hugged him back as he composed himself. “I’m drunk,” he said wetly, and Cheeks laughed.

“Yeah, I think you are,” he said, pulling back. “Hey look,” he said, grabbing his hands. “You are the best thing to ever happen to Adam, okay? He’ll give you another chance eventually, but until then, just hang in there.”

Tommy nodded, clearing his face as he sat up. “I figured I’d give him space. On tour he can’t run very far so he has to face me. I’ll do whatever I have to to prove to him that I love him and that I’m not going anywhere. He knows I don’t have to stick around, if I was in it to fuck him over, I had plenty of chances.”

Brad smiled at him. “You know, when I walked in and the really hot bartender chick was throwing herself at you and I heard you telling her all about your husband and how, even if you were separated at the moment, you loved him too much to break your promise?” He nodded seriously, wiggling his eyebrows. “MAJOR brownie points. That’ll make its way back to Adam, for sure,” he hinted nod Tommy sighed.

“Well, it can’t hurt,” he said, then looked up. “Adam and Neil are at Leila’s right?” he asked, and Brad nodded. “Will you take me home? I need to pack my shit for tour. I may as well do it when Adam isn’t around to make it awkward.”

Brad rubbed his back between his shoulders. “Sure thing, sweetheart,” he said sympathetically.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Tommy walked into his and Adam’s house, he felt relieved that Adam wasn’t there to see the way it hurt him to know he wasn’t welcome in his own home. He was still pretty tipsy, though it was wearing off, and Brad helped him get out his bags to pack. Tommy was happy Adam hadn’t gone crazy and burned his stuff or something equally as horrible.

There wasn’t room in Brad’s car for his instruments, so he wrote a note and left it on the kitchen counter.

_Adam, I got my things for tour. Sorry I had to do it when you were out but I didn’t want to face the awkwardness of knowing I wasn’t wanted anymore. I packed up my instruments, but I don’t have room for them. Monte will know which ones to take on tour with us. I thought about getting more of my things, but I still have hope that you’ll let me come home again. Just like I won’t give up without a fight, I won’t accept defeat so soon. I love you with every bit of myself and even if you never believe me, you are the love of my life. I love you, be safe here all alone, it scares me to know you’re by yourself._

_Love always,  
Your husband._

With great pain, Tommy also pulled out Adam’s ring and left it on top of a sliver of paper which read ‘Please wear me!’ in hopes that Adam wouldn’t give up on them so quickly.

As he grabbed his bags to leave, he couldn’t help looking around in fear that he may never get to come home again.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy had forgotten about the fact Adam had decided to take dancers on tour again, so he was surprised and happy to see Sasha talking to Neil when he showed up at the venue with Isaac. They were performing in LA the first night and then going to buses after that. “Tommy!” she cried when she spotted him, eyes wide.

“Hey Sasha,” he said, shifting his bag higher on his shoulder as he walked over, offering her a hug. When she continued to stare, trying not to stare, he chuckled. “Yeah, I look like shit, I know.”

Neil cringed. “Have you slept at all in the last week?” he asked, and Tommy shook his head sadly.

“Not really. A few hours here and there,” he admitted.

“What happened?” Sasha asked in a low voice. “Neil was telling me about the whole… thing, but you look like shit,” she said, and he smiled sadly.

“Well, sleeping and alone don’t really work anymore for me, and even if they did, a couch isn’t great,” he admitted. “I’ve been crashing with Sophie and Isaac.”

Neil smiled sadly. “So, Cheeks said you guys talked?” he said, and Tommy shot him a look.

“What is up with you two being in cahoots suddenly? When the hell did you two become such great buddies?” he asked.

Neil shrugged. “Well, to be honest, he’s about the only person half as sarcastic as I am. And he’s smarter than the rest of you morons, so I don’t feel as alone,” he said, and Tommy snorted.

“Fuck you, you’re not that much smarter,” he said. His smile faltered and he looked down, scuffing his toe. “How’s Adam?” he asked softly.

Neil cringed. “Not the best,” he said, and Sasha shook her head.

“We talked this morning a little bit and he’s definitely all kinds of out of it,” she noted, which made Tommy’s gut clench.

“So, does everybody know?” Tommy asked.

Neil chuckled. “Well between Sutan and Taylor, I’m pretty sure everybody knows, sorry,” he said, and Tommy sighed, head falling back.

“Fucking Taylor,” he grumbled, ruffling his hair. “Alright, well, I’ve gotta head on in. Make sure my basses and guitars got here alright.”

“So sorry all this happened, baby,” Sasha said, giving him a hug. “You guys will work it out, I’m sure.”

Tommy sighed. “Oh, I wish so,” he said, kissing her cheek before heading on inside. When he got to the dressing room, he paused, afraid of what he might be greeted with when he walked inside. He took a breath and opened the door, only to be faced with a bunch of friends hanging out. He didn’t see Adam, so it was a relief to see his buddies again. “Holy shit, TommyJoe!” Cam cried, rushing to hug him. “Dude, I haven’t seen you in weeks,” she said, and he chuckled.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, smiling. “Monte, my man, I need to know my babies made it safely,” he said, walking over, Cam still hanging off his shoulder.

Monte nodded. “I got them myself.” He gave him a dark look. “You could’ve got them though. I mean, you’ve got to grow some balls some time, why not use the excuse of your basses?” he asked.

Tommy hummed. “Talk to me about growing a pair when _your_ wife leaves you,” he said with an overly cheesy smile. “Until then, suck the pair I’ve already got,” he said, and Monte snickered as Tommy passed him to go put his bag down.

“You look like shit, kid,” he said, and Tommy gave him a sarcastic gasp.

“God no, I thought pretending to sleep on a couch for a week would make me fuckin’ pretty!” he said, then sighed, shaking his head. “I can’t sleep anymore. It sucks ass. I wasn’t used to insomnia much anymore,” he admitted.

“I told you, man, I’d totally sleep with you if you needed it,” Isaac said, slapping Tommy’s ass on the way past.

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, your wife would LOVE you spending your last week home with a third person in bed with you,” he said, and Isaac smirked.

“Sophie’s totally into guy on guy, don’t joke,” he said, and Tommy laughed.

Taylor walked over. “So, the wrist’s better?” he asked, leaning against the wall beside where Tommy was digging in his bag.

Tommy nodded, wiggling it to show him. “Got the brace off this week. I’m good. It twinges a little when I’m playing for a while, but it’ll be fine,” he said, wiggling his fingers. 

Taylor started to say something else, but the door opened and everybody got quiet suddenly. Tommy glanced over and snapped back to face his open bag when he saw it was Adam. The quietness only punctuated the palpable tension that crackled through the air of the room. Adam cleared his throat and made his way to the makeup counter. “Hi everybody,” Adam said in a forcedly cheerful tone.

There was a collective greeting, which Tommy tried his best to ignore. He turned and grabbed his favorite bass, which Monte had in the dressing room with them, and carried it out to go with the rest of his instruments on stage, carefully keeping his eyes down as he walked out, afraid of who he might see watching him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
As soon as everybody was on the buses, they knew there was trouble. They were all on one bus for the first week due to a booking mix up, and to avoid issues, Tommy went straight to his bunk right off the bat. He was in said bunk when he overheard Lane dragging Adam into the back lounge, away from the party up front. “Look, you fucked up on stage tonight. You can’t let anybody know your marriage is already on the rocks-“

“It isn’t on the rocks, it’s pretty much done, honestly-“

“You can’t let it show though!” she hissed. “You did something stupid, Adam!”

Tommy knew what she was talking about, though it hurt to think about it again. During their usual intros, always during If I Had You since the very first tour, Adam had skipped Tommy completely. Tommy had seen everybody looking around at each other, but he’d just kept his head down. It was hard to be on stage with his husband and know he wasn’t even going to get a glance. Getting used to performing in front of a big crowd was bad enough without having the pressure of looking down and fighting the knowledge that his husband was _right_ there.

It hurt even more to hear Adam say their marriage was done.

“Look, you don’t know how bad it hurts!” Adam complained to Lane. “I can’t fake it. I can’t fake like everything’s fine when everything is the opposite of fine! People will see my broken heart if I try and fake it with him-“

“You’re not seriously convinced your marriage is _over_ after one month of marriage,” Lane accused and Adam sighed.

“He lied to me-“

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard the story. It’s tragic, but think about your image, Adam! If you leave your husband after a very public injury and wedding, you’ll be the bad guy for marrying a person with brain damage and then leaving him.” She took a breath and Tommy felt his gut clench. “Look, on a more personal level, less ‘professional Lane’, you need to think about this, okay?” she said softly. “You walked out so fast. I know he lied, I know lying is terrible, but as your friend, I can’t tell you how big of a mistake you’re making-“

“I’m not-“ He groaned and Tommy clenched his eyes shut, pressing his face into his pillow as the hurt washed over him. “I’m not going to draw up divorce papers right off the bat or anything,” Adam said to Lane. “But it isn’t ruled out. I just… he lied, Lane. He lied and I don’t have the time to deal with it right now. I’ll work out how I’ll go about it later, but for the moment the formal word is we’re still happily married, the truth is I kicked him out and haven’t spoken to him since. Work is my priority right now. Tour and shit. I can fake civility if I have to, but otherwise, we’re avoiding each other and it’ll work enough. I need to decide what to do.”

“Adam, you were willing to wait for him to heal before he faked it-“

“Exactly! I thought I still might get him back. If nothing else, he could’ve fallen for me again. But that- lying about it just proves he is nothing like my Tommy was. My Tommy didn’t lie.”

Tommy just covered his ears, fighting tears at the thought of never getting Adam to love him again. Tommy curled in a ball, hands over his ears and face pressed into his pillow as he fought to pretend he was somewhere that didn’t hurt as bad and everything Adam had just said was a dream. A bad, bad dream.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The next time Tommy ran into Adam, at the venue for the second show, he literally almost ran into him. They both got to the door to the dressing room at the same time. “Oh, uh-“ Tommy ducked his head and gestured to the door. Adam opened it, then paused.

“I- do you need to go in here?” he asked, and Tommy froze. He immediately thought of saying no and just walking away, but the fact of it was, he needed to do his makeup. They were going on stage soon.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, ducking through the door as Adam held it. Adam followed him a few seconds later and Tommy heard everybody’s conversations suddenly get a lot louder and more obviously faked. 

He went to the mirror and cringed when he saw Adam step up to his station a little ways down the counter to his left. He went about his makeup without trying to rush, though he didn’t go as slowly as he usually would. He couldn’t help glancing down at Adam every once in a while as he looked in his mirror. It was a compulsion to look at him that he couldn’t fight.

He heard a small intake of breath and paused expectantly. Adam didn’t speak so he went back to his eyeliner, only to nearly put his eye out when Adam spoke softly, clearly not eager to be over heard by other people. “I see you’re still wearing your rings,” he said, rather than asked.

Tommy hummed. “Well, I’m a married man,” he answered flatly, then glanced over at Adam to confirm what he already knew. “I see you’re not wearing your ring or your necklace,” he said in response and Adam made a tiny sound, but then looked away without speaking. “That’s nice too, I guess,” Tommy grumbled, putting down the eyeliner as soon as he finished. “Sacred institute my ass, huh?” he said in a low, bitter voice as he turned to stalk away, eager to get the hell away from Adam before he could come up with anything to say in response.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Another week of avoiding Adam was cut short when they finally got their second bus on the sixth day of tour rather than the seventh, which was a relief for more than just Tommy, since cramming nine people on the one bus had been a lot to deal with. The first night of freedom for the band meant a drinking night. Cam, Monte, and Isaac got together with Neil, who was on their bus with them, to buy as much as booze as they could to party it up.

Tommy grinned when Cam plopped into his lap and offered him his own bottle of whiskey. “You need it more than we do, babe,” she said, kissing his head.

Neil grinned. “Hell yeah you do, you’re handling this tour a lot better even only this far in,” he said, and Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“Better than what?” he asked, taking a drink with a wince and a sigh.

Monte chuckled, shaking his head. “That his brother, is what. He can’t stop bitching about everything. I mean, sure, the situation sucks, but at least you brood instead of pitch a fit like a little girl.”

Tommy sighed, shaking his head. “Don’t be mean to him about it. He expresses his hurt because it’s who he is,” he chastised. “I’m not the victim so I don’t look for anybody’s sympathy. He’s the one who got fucked over, so he’s going to feel like somebody should agree with him. And you really should,” he said begrudgingly. “You all knew him longer than me, I’m the one who fucked up, you should be all bros before…” he waved his bottle dismissively. “Newer bros.”

Neil snorted. “He’s my real brother and I still can’t help feel bad for you. I mean, It was sorta my fault,” he pointed out.

“No,” Tommy pointed at him with the bottle. “It was your bromantic little dude-date’s fault. I don’t blame you, I blame your boyfriend,” he said and Neil groaned.

“Seriously? You and Sutan kiss on the lips and call each other life partner and my ‘bromance’ is worth teasing?” he asked, and Tommy giggled, nodding before taking another drink from his bottle.

“The man says things like ‘brownie points’, dude! Can you really expect us not to tease?” he asked, and Isaac burst out giggling.

“Wait, he said ‘brownie points’, really?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“The night he picked me up from a bar, he informed me that turning down this horny chick’s offers on the grounds of being married gave me brownie points,” he said with wiggly eyebrows. “Seriously, you two will have such a happy bromantic life together,” he said and Neil rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Too bad you don’t like dick, he’d totally marry you,” he said, and Neil made a face.

“Great friend, last person I ever want to sleep with,” he said, then nodded at Isaac. “And that’s from a list including _him_ ,” he said, and Monte raised an eyebrow.

“Alright now, ‘straight one’,” he teased and Neil flipped him off.

After a while of drinking and hanging out, everybody getting progressively less sober (or a lot less sober, in Tommy’s case, Cam sat up.) “Here’s my question, TommyJoe,” she started. “How did you actually memorize enough to fool the guy you’d been with for two years?” she asked.

Tommy smiled sadly. “If I didn’t know something he asked, I just said it was one of the ‘gaps’ and I learned everything public from Monte and Sutan. I was able to cover well enough. Adam didn’t have any reason to be suspicious so he didn’t question it.” He shrugged. “My fault but whatever, I’m done with it. I’m seriously over all this shit. I’m pretty much just waiting on the divorce papers for now,” he said honestly. “I hoped he’d have time to cool off but if the guy won’t look at me in the same room, and after he pretty much told Lane our marriage wasn’t ‘on the rocks’ it was basically ‘done with’ I really doubt that groveling is going to change much,” he said, then slurred as he raised his bottle. “Yay for a shorter marriage than even the whoriest Hollywood stars.”

“Hey, you can’t know it’s over dude, everybody fights,” Monte comforted and Tommy snorted, hissing as he took another large gulp. “Also, ease up, you’re already going to be hung over,” he warned.

“Adam has said very few words to me since tour started and the longest sentence was expressing his surprise to see me wearing my wedding ring. I answered that I was a married man and then remembered ‘oh yeah’ Adam took off his wedding ring and threw it on the floor,” he spat. “I left it at the house when I got my shit, but obviously he didn’t put it back on. He even stopped wearing his necklace. I haven’t taken this engagement ring off since I got it back after I got out of the hospital and I haven’t even thought about removing my wedding ring since our wedding. I have no intention to even if he does divorce my ass,” he slurred, tilting over some.

“Alright,” Neil said, taking the bottle from him. “I think you’ve had enough, buddy,” he said, grabbing the cap off the table. “Come on, let’s get your ass in bed because you won’t be happy in the morning,” he said, grabbing Tommy’s elbow as he slumped lower in his seat.

Tommy stood up and swayed, grumbling. “Holy shit you are like your bromantic dudefriend,” he grumbled, only to stumble his way back to the bunks with Neil following rather than guiding him. “You know, even when I’m not your brother-in-law anymore, dude, you’re totally my brother for life,” he said, and Neil sighed, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I know it dude,” he said, helping Tommy when he stumbled down the aisle. “You’re family for life,” he said, and Tommy sighed, turning to face him.

“All of you are. Family is fucking important and shit, you know? I learned the hard way that you never know what you got till it’s gone, and now it’s twice, I’m not fuckin’ losing you though, dude. Well, unless you die, but please don’t, I can’t handle death, divorce, and death all in a row,” he pointed out.

Neil sighed. “I can’t imagine how it was for you, man. Waking up and finding out you had missed your dad… well, it would be so bad,” he said, walking with Tommy, who was still slowly shuffling.

“It sucked. It sucked because I don’t know what kind of kid I was to him at the end, you know?” he said softly. “Adam said he was proud of me, that I had made him proud by doing something with my life finally, but he could’ve been humoring me. Adam’s a fucking optimist anyways. He believes in heaven and shit like that, so he sorta deludes himself into thinking it isn’t as bad as it is,” he said. “He told me when my dad died that he knew I didn’t believe it, but he believed my dad was always gonna be looking after me. I still don’t believe him, my dad’s dead, but the way Adam said it almost convinced me for a minute- oh.” Tommy suddenly swayed and then crumpled to the floor.

“Tommy?!” Neil cried, nearly falling over him. He knelt down beside him and his eyes widened when he saw Tommy’s eyes fluttering. “Tommy, what’s wrong?” he asked, only to gasp when Tommy’s eyes rolled into his head and he lost consciousness. “TOMMY!” he shouted, slapping at his face a little. “Fuck, you didn’t drink that much, oh shit.” He turned back towards the way they came. “MONTE! MONTE COME FAST!” he shouted, grabbing Tommy’s wrist to check his pulse.

Neil heard footsteps rushing towards him. “Neil? What- shit!” Monte cursed, stopping behind them in the narrow aisle. “Is he alright?”

Neil groaned. “No idea, he was talking and then he fell over and passed out. He didn’t drink THAT much, did he?” he asked, then scooched over so Monte could climb on the other side.

“Kid? Tommy!” he said loudly, slapping at his face a little more.

Tommy slowly opened his eyes, breathing fast. “Monte?” he asked, looking up. He looked at Neil, and his eyes widened. “Oh fuck- NEIL!” he cried, sitting up. “What happened?” he asked, looking around, only to gasp. “Oh shit, did- I just-“ He suddenly shoved them both away and jumped up, stumbling down the aisle to the trashcan at the end, into which he emptied his stomach. “Oh fuck,” he groaned hoarsely.

“Tommy, what the fuck happened?” Neil asked. Tommy held up a hand and continued throwing up. 

After a good several minutes, he finally sat back on his heels. “Oh God, this is fucked up,” he said in an absolutely wrecked voice. As he’d spoken with Neil, he could clearly see an image of Adam and him in a bed somewhere, not in a romantic sense, but in a fully clothed, friends way. He could feel the pain and anguish like he couldn’t remember ever feeling before. It wasn’t until he remembered that nobody else could’ve known about Adam cuddling him as he cried over his dad, that it must be a memory, that suddenly, Tommy was flooded with images and sounds and smells and feelings and flashes of Adam, and his smile, and his eyes, and flashes of stages and people and places until all of it was too much and everything had gone dark.

“What the fuck just happened?” Monte asked.

Tommy looked up with surprisingly lucid eyes for somebody who had had that much to drink. “Neil, think about what I was just telling you before I fainted. Tell Monte,” he said.

Neil shrugged. “He was telling me about how when his dad died, Adam tried to tell him his dad was watching him from heaven, even though he knew Tommy doesn’t believe in heaven or hell. What is it?” he asked curiously.

Monte looked confused for a moment before it clicked. “I never heard that before,” he said, then turned to Tommy, who was slumped against the wall, nodding. “I didn’t tell you that! Sutan didn’t tell you that- we didn’t _know_!”

“OH MY GOD!” Neil cried, and Tommy let his head drop back. “Did-“

“To be so drunk, and have all that shit rush back at once really fucked me up,” he said, groaning. “My head hurts so bad. Oh my God, I think my brain is overheating. I’d ask you to knock me out again if it wasn’t for the fact I might forget it all again,” he said, curling up on the floor.

“So you remembered?” Monte asked, and Tommy nodded weakly.

“I haven’t had time to process, but I was- I was standing there and talking about Adam and then I realized ‘holy shit this is a memory’ then all of a sudden it was like my brain was flooded with too much information and shit went black and then- here I am,” he said, whining. “My _head_ ,” he whimpered weakly.

Neil smiled brightly. “Holy shit we have to tell Adam-“

“NO!” Tommy cried, only to cringe and clutch his head at the pain. “Don’t. I just… please don’t say anything.”

Monte frowned. “Kid, he might forgive you now that you remember.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “I probably don’t have but one chance. You guys tell him, he won’t believe it. I don’t know if I could even handle talking to him right now,” he admitted. “I just… I can’t think. I’m so disoriented and- it just- no, I’ll do it later. Don’t- don’t tell anybody, Okay?” he asked, looking between them. “This stays in this room.”

Monte and Neil shared a look, but nodded. “Alright, Kid, whatever you want,” Monte said, and Tommy nodded, whining as his head throbbed.

“Alright, what I want now is a gun,” he said, and Monte and Neil shared a laugh.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When they got to the hotel the next day just in time for lunch, Taylor was the first to notice that, as they sat down, Tommy was absent. “Guys, where’s TommyJoe?” he asked, and everybody glanced around, surprised to see he was the only person missing.

Isaac cringed. “Sleeping. The poor dude,” he said, shaking his head.

“Get him drunk with all that alcohol we bought?” Sasha asked, and Neil chuckled.

“Well partly that, but he fainted last night.” Monte kicked him and he glared, nodding at the others around them.

Taylor frowned. “Fainted?”

Adam looked up quickly, eyes wide. Monte nodded. “Yeah, we don’t really know what happened. He didn’t pass out, he wasn’t THAT drunk, but he fainted and fell out on the way to his bunk. Neil thought he’d passed out or got knocked out from the fall, but he woke right up. His head was killing him, though so he went to bed.”

Adam couldn’t help it. “Did you wake him up this morning?!” he asked quickly, and everybody got quiet. Adam didn’t want to be afraid, he didn’t want to give two shits about the lying bastard, but randomly passing out and waking up with pain in his head wasn’t a good thing to hear about a person who had a major brain injury within the last six months.

Neil cleared his throat. “Yeah, Adam, we made sure he was alright. Cam took him to his and Isaac’s room before she came down,” he said, and Cam nodded, looking down.

Adam flushed, noticing that nobody would look at him. He ducked his head and went silent again, picking at his food. He didn’t want to care, but he couldn’t stop being afraid of losing him for good. Even a Tommy he never said a word to was better than a Tommy who was injured.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tommy thought he had known pain before. He thought he had known what a broken heart was like when he didn’t remember falling for Adam. He had thought the feeling of his husband kicking him out was the worst pain possible.

But remembering _exactly_ what he had lost was so much worse.

Tommy couldn’t breathe for crying. He wasn’t much of a crier, even if he had cried a little when Adam left him and when he was drunk, but in general, he didn’t cry very much. However, as soon as he’d gotten to his and Isaac’s room, the first thing he did was crawl into bed and curl around a pillow to let out all of the pain he’d been building up since his memories came rushing back. He figured if his head wasn’t still hurting so bad he probably wouldn’t be crying like a little girl over it, but at the same time, he remembered _every_ second of meeting, and learning, and falling, and _being_ with the man he loved, only now he knew exactly how bad he’d fucked up.

Tommy had learned early on that Adam didn’t like people who lied. He forgave, he overcame, but he didn’t ever forget a liar. He told the truth no matter how much it hurt him, and he hated nothing more than people who didn’t do the same. He had known before that lying to Adam was bad, but knowing Adam’s history with lies and liars, he knew that the chances of forgiveness were nearly none.

It was so strange. The feeling of remembering everything, but also remembering what it was like to NOT remember was just downright bizarre. It was disorientating to think of something he’d said or done the last few months that was out of character for himself, only to think that, for the time, it was because he didn’t _know_ it was odd.

He felt even more gutted that he had gotten hurt and put Adam, _his_ Adam, through the pain and worry of having his fiancé in a coma and then suffering amnesia. And he couldn’t even turn around and be the man he wanted to be for Adam. All along, Adam had taken care of him, he had given him everything, he’d been strong and all on his own, and Tommy wanted nothing more than to go to Adam and care for him and take away some of the burden he’d had to bear, he wanted to protect his husband and give him the support he needed, but Adam didn’t trust him anymore. Adam wouldn’t forgive him just because he remembered. He probably wouldn’t believe him if he told him he remembered.

Tommy wanted to step up and be the man he always meant to be when he had dreamed of being Adam’s husband, but he didn’t have that option. Knowing he couldn’t be Adam’s rock when he needed somebody was almost worse than the pain of losing Adam, and all Tommy could do was lie in his bed and sob into a pillow, because there was nothing else to be done.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Later, before they were meant to leave for sound check, Tommy was just getting out of the shower when there was a knock. “Hey, I’m leaving but… uh…” Isaac paused. “Adam’s here. He wants to talk,” he said.

Tommy froze, towel stilling mid-scrub through his hair. “Um… okay, bye?” he offered, then shrugged.

“Tommy?”

Tommy’s heart froze as he heard Adam’s voice on the other side of the door. “I’m… I’m just getting out of the shower,” he said, and Adam was quiet. “You can… want to talk through the door?” he offered.

“Yeah, I just… I just heard you passed out last night,” he said, voice muffled by the door. “Are you okay?” he asked awkwardly.

Tommy sighed, going to sit on the counter beside the door. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, and paused. “Do you-“ He fought the part that wanted to throw open the door and talk to him face to face. “Do you actually care?” he asked weakly.

“Tommy,” Adam groaned, sounding frustrated with himself. “Yes, I care, okay? I can’t help but worry about you. No matter what’s gone down, you’re my friend and you suffered brain damage and then I hear you randomly passed out and your head was hurting. I may be pissed at you, I may not want to talk to you, but I can’t not worry.”

Tommy snorted. “Well rest assured, I’d tell somebody if I thought I had a brain hemorrhage going down, thanks. Great to know how much faith you have in my ability to take care of myself,” he said a little more bitterly than he meant to.

“You know what?” Adam said, voice raised a little. “I didn’t have to come check on you, you little shit. I don’t particularly want to talk to lying pieces of dirt, I just can’t help that I have a heart, unlike some people. So you know what? Fuck you too!” Adam cried.

“Adam, wait, I’m sorry, don’t-“ Tommy threw the towel around his waist and opened the door only to groan when he was just in time to hear his room door slamming. “FUCK!” he screamed, kicking the door, only to whine and clutch his foot in pain. “Fuck fuckity fuck fuck!”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Over the next two days, Tommy’s frustration only grew. He tried to apologize to Adam but Adam high-tailed it every time Tommy seemed remotely to be coming his way. He wouldn’t answer Tommy’s texts or calls, and Tommy only wanted to apologize, so he didn’t feel that passing notes like sixth graders was going to work either.

Between sniping at Taylor for giggling too loudly, drinking too much and throwing up on Sasha’s shoes, and losing Monte’s extra strings, he wasn’t the most popular guy in the group by the show four days later. It didn’t help that it was two weeks until Christmas and everybody had been excitedly talking about their plans for the week they had off to fly home and be with their families. “So what’re you doing for Christmas?” Cam asked Tommy, who shrugged.

“Drinking alone, I guess,” he answered, and Sasha snickered.

“Come on, TommyJoe, surely you’ll hang out with your family. Any idea what you’re getting for Christmas?” she tried, hoping to lift his spirits.

Tommy scoffed. “A divorce probably,” he said bitterly.

Monte groaned. “Come on, Tommy, that’s not true and you know it,” he tried, and Tommy shook his head.

“No really, haven’t you heard the new version of Twelve Days of Christmas?” he asked. “The Tommy Ratliff version got edited this year. First day of Christmas, there’s no partridge or pear trees. It goes-“ Tommy cleared his throat and sang the line, much to everybody’s amusement. “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me-“ he stopped singing and adopted a very flat expression. “Divorce papers.”

Everybody clearly couldn’t fight the urge to laugh, no matter how sad it really was. “Nobody should be alone for the holidays,” Monte said and Tommy sighed.

“Yeah well, most people aren’t me,” he said with a shrug. “Look-“ He shook his head with a sigh. “I’m going to check the new amp they were bringing me,” he said, leaving the dressing room to go to the stage.

As he turned a corner, however, he stopped and rolled his eyes with a silent groan. Adam was standing there talking to some guy wearing a headset. “Great,” he said under his breath, looking at the map on the wall beside him for any way to the stage without passing by them.

However, what he heard made him freeze. “So, you wanna go somewhere more… private?” Tommy’s eyes widened as he turned and realized the guy with the headset was _flirting_ with Adam.

Adam just smiled and looked away. “I’m really not sure that’s a good idea, but-“

“Come on, we can just talk or…” he looked Adam up and down, smirking. “Whatever.”

Adam raised an eyebrow slightly. “Oh, I don’t know, I’m kind of busy.”

The guy didn’t back off. Instead he stepped closer to Adam, reaching up to put a hand on his cheek. “You don’t look that busy to me,” he suggested, pressing closer.

Tommy didn’t give two shits if he was probably getting a divorce, there was no way in hell he was letting some asshole try to seduce _his_ husband. He turned and stalked down the hall. He wordlessly grabbed the guy’s shirt and yanked him around, ignoring the way Adam cried out in shock before drawing back and punching the guy as hard as he possibly could.

“TOMMY!” Adam snapped as Tommy’s punch knocked the guy back against the other wall.

“HEY!” he cried out, hands flying up to clutch his mouth.

“Don’t. Fucking. Touch. My. Husband!” Tommy snarled, punching the guy wherever he could with each word.

“TOMMY STOP!” Adam cried, grabbing his arm to haul him back. “What the FUCK are you doing?!” he screamed and Tommy just snatched away, looking to see that the guy was running away. “Oh my God you’re fucking INSANE!” Adam shouted angrily, turning to stalk off down the hall. “I can’t fucking believe the shit I’ve had to put up with this year, oh my God-“

Tommy scoffed and started after him. “Oh fuck you,” he spat, not even caring as he followed Adam into the dressing room, too angry to give a shit who saw what. “Don’t fucking walk away from me!” he shouted and Adam turned around, throwing his makeup bag down.

“I’LL WALK AWAY FROM YOU ALL I WANT!” he screamed, startling cries out of half of the people in the room. “You’re crazy! You’re fucking unhinged and I will not put up with it-“

Tommy gritted his teeth. “I don’t give a flying fuck what you think, Adam! I don’t give a shit about your problems with me, or anything, but no matter how much you regret it, I’m your husband!” he snarled. “That guy was fucking trying to get you to ‘go somewhere quiet’ with him and separated or not, that shit isn’t happening! If you want to fuck around with random guy, get your fucking divorce papers overnighted, but don’t you DARE fuck around on me, Adam. I don’t give a damn what happened, I WILL NOT be cheated on by my husband. You may not wear the ring anymore, but it doesn’t stop being true, okay?!” he shouted. “So go ahead, fuck half the stadium, I don’t give a SHIT, but I swear to you, it will NOT happen while I’m still married to you, I’ll tell you that much right fucking now,” he spat.

Adam let out a harsh laugh. “Maybe I will divorce your ass! You think I haven’t thought about it?”

“No, I’ve been expecting divorce papers for a while now, I just had SOME idea that MAYBE I’d be forgiven one day, you know what? If you’re gonna do it, go fucking ahead because it’s one thing to be left by the man you love, but I refuse to be cheated on!” Tommy spat, then turned to stalk out, slamming the dressing room door as hard as he could on the way out.

Adam let out a shrill, angry sound, kicking a chair over before turning back to the mirror. Neil sighed and stood up. “Come on, Adam,” he said, grabbing his wrist.

“Get off me,” Adam snapped and Neil glared, then grabbed his arm and snatched him around to shove him towards the door. “NEIL!”

“We’re going to fucking talk!” Neil snapped, shoving him through the door. Thankfully, Tommy was nowhere to be found, but Neil didn’t take chances. They walked until he found an empty room and dragged Adam in. 

“Neil, don’t-“

“Adam, tell me right now, what is wrong with you?” he asked calmly but clearly impatiently.

Adam just sighed, the fight leaving him. “What do you think, Neil? Nothing has been right lately. Nothing. And Tommy just- Fuck, he came up out of nowhere and beat the SHIT out of the guy talking to me-“

“Do you blame him?” Neil asked, giving him a pointed look. “Dude, do you _really_ think you wouldn’t do the same thing?” he challenged.

Adam sighed. “Yeah, I would,” he admitted, shaking his head. “The guy was flirting with me and he wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone and I was NOT interested, and he was creepy, but really, Tommy just flew off the handle and it pissed me off SO fucking bad, Neil.” He put his head in his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes. “Everything is just _wrong_. Tommy is the one who did the wrong thing, he shouldn’t get to be the jealous one. He shouldn’t get to be the one hurt when _he_ fucked up.”

Neil sighed. “Adam, life isn’t always black and white, dude. Yeah, he was wrong, and yes, he knows it, but he did it for good reasons,” he stressed. “I’ve tried to not pick a side in this shit, but Adam… lying or not, the guy loves you,” he said honestly. “If one thing is for damn sure, Tommy loves you in a way that shouldn’t even exist.” Adam just let his head fall back against the wall as he slumped some. “You know I knew, right?” he asked, and Adam nodded.

“Yeah, I never did ask why you didn’t tell me though. I know we don’t always get along, but you usually aren’t actually that bad of a brother,” he admitted, and Neil nudged his shoulder with a playful whine.

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would do exactly what you did,” he said. “I was pissed. I went to your house that day with the intentions of possibly kicking Tommy’s ass, honestly. I was so pissed. But he loves you.” Neil shook his head. “He didn’t have anything to gain from it, Adam. He lied to make _you_ happy. He told me and he’s told a few other people too, that he thought you deserved your dream wedding. _You_ deserved to marry the love of your life. You deserved to be happy after all the shit you went through for him and it was always _you_ , Adam. He didn’t have anything to gain. He loved you enough to lie, no matter how wrong he knew it was, to make sure you were as happy as you could be.” He shook his head. “How the fuck could I have told on him and messed up what you guys had? It happened anyways, but that’s only because Brad didn’t give Tommy a chance to explain before spilling to you. After he picked up Tommy drunk that night and Tommy spilled all the same shit to him, he has regretted it since.”

Adam groaned. “Why? Why wouldn’t you want me to know the truth? Even if it hurt me, the truth is important.”

Neil shrugged. “It didn’t make anything better, Adam. Yes, it is important, and it was wrong of him to lie, but ignorance is bliss, you know? It wasn’t fair to you to not know the truth, but at the same time, you were happy. You had a man who loved you without a memory, Adam. I’m not all sappy and romantic and shit like you are and even _I_ can appreciate the significance of that.” He looked at him. “Tommy loves you deeper than knowledge, dude. I knew you wouldn’t trust him after finding out he lied, and I don’t blame you, but I don’t blame him either. It’s fucked either way. There wasn’t a win scenario for it, was there?”

Adam just put his head in his hands. “I just don’t know what to do.”

Neil shrugged. “I’m only this involved in this shit because I helped start it. You need to talk to him, Adam. Suck it up and talk. Don’t shout, _talk_ ,” he stressed.

Adam just shook his head. “So much easier said than done.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The night before their last show before the break to go home for Christmas, Tommy was watching TV with Isaac in their room, only to be interrupted by a knock. When Isaac answered the door, Tommy was surprised to see Adam there. “Can I come in and talk to Tommy?” he asked, head down.

Isaac nodded. “Yeah, sure,” he said, stepping back. He looked at Adam, then over at Tommy, then snapped suddenly. “You know, I think I need to go talk to Monte!” he said, grabbing his shoes off the floor before darting out into the hallway.

Tommy chuckled and Adam raised an eyebrow at the shutting door. “Very subtle,” he said, and Tommy snickered as he climbed out of bed and went to sit on the end of Isaac’s bed nearer the door.

“So… What’s up?” Tommy asked.

Adam grabbed the chair from the desk and wheeled it around, sitting to face Tommy. “We need to actually talk,” he said, putting his hands in his lap awkwardly. “Not just… yell and shit,” he said bashfully.

Tommy chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah, that would help,” he said, biting his lip. “So… hi?” he offered.

Adam actually cracked a smile. “Hi,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I couldn’t get up the courage to sit down and talk like adults before,” he said, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“We’ve been not talking longer than we were talking since we got married,” he said, and Adam nodded.

“Yeah, I realized that, too.” Adam looked down. “Look Tommy… what you did was-“ He paused and shook his head. “Bad.”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I know,” he said, and Adam shook his head.

“Then why did you do it? I’ve heard so many things from so many people, but I want to hear it from you,” he said, looking at Tommy critically.

Tommy ducked his head. “Because at the time, all I knew was that you weren’t happy. You were hurting and it was my fault and I thought getting married would make you happy. But then you refused to marry me without me having my memory back, so I did the math and saw ‘Tommy plus memory returning equals wedding which also equals happy Adam’ and I wanted that. I wanted you to be happy again. I wanted you to stop hurting and it was the best way,” he answered solemnly.

Adam just shook his head. “Why the hell did Monte and Sutan help you, though? Why didn’t they tell you I wouldn’t buy it?” he asked. “Hell, you actually had me sold, to be honest.”

Tommy smiled sadly, looking up at him. “You were so happy to have ‘your’ Tommy back you didn’t question it. Sutan and Monte knew you would be happy and they wanted it just as much as I did.”

Adam looked at him hard. “I guess so. I really believed you, Tommy. I thought you were back.” He smiled sadly. “I was so happy. You even acted a lot like your old self.”

Tommy bit his lip. He was at the crossroads of ‘do I tell him?’ and ‘or will he think I’m lying again?’ and it wasn’t an easy choice. “Adam, I am so sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, looking at him bravely. “I’m sorry I lied to you and I’m even sorry I tripped and hit my head in the first place-“

Adam cringed, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize for that, Tommy. God, I don’t care what you’ve done since, I will never blame you for being hurt. I never felt more afraid than when you were in the hospital. Never. I thought you were going to die, Tommy. It was so terrible,” he stressed. “I thought my best friend was actually going to _die_.”

Tommy flinched. “I’m not apologizing when I say this, but I am sorry you had to face that,” he said softly. “General sympathy doesn’t have to be apology,” he said, and Adam shook his head, an amused smile on his lips. “Adam-“ He paused, unable to think of how to tell him. He had to tell him. He had to tell Adam that he knew. He had to let him know he remembered. But he was so scared Adam would just get upset and stop talking to him. He wanted to reconcile, not cause more of a fight.

“Yeah, Tommy?” Adam prompted and Tommy looked up.

He took a breath and let it out slowly before deciding what to say. “Are you going to divorce me?” he asked instead.

Adam got still, eyes wide. Tommy didn’t back down, he looked right back at him. “Tommy-“ He waved a hand, gesturing, before looking down. “I don’t know. I don’t _want_ to. I want to think we’ll overcome this but I just don’t know. You still lied. You still broke my trust. There’s still no guarantee you’ll ever remember, so maybe it would be best to just… take a break to try and learn each other again, but at the same time, there’s no reason to get divorced if we’re gonna make up some day, but at the same time, there’s no reason to stay married if it’s not going to happen-“ He just trailed off, putting his head in his hands with a groan. “I don’t _know_.”

Tommy stood up and sighed. “I need air,” he said, going to the balcony. He opened the door and walked out, leaving the door open. Tommy stood at the rail, looking down at the cars on the street blow. They were only about six floors up so they weren’t too far that they were like ants, but it was a good distraction.

Tommy felt rather than heard Adam follow him. “Tommy… should we even try?” Adam asked, and Tommy turned to look at Adam, who was standing on the other side, facing him, not the street. “Is there anything to fight for?” he asked, looking vulnerable.

Tommy looked down, shaking his head. “How can you ask me that,” he said, looking up at him. He held up his left hand, gesturing to his ring. “I’m married to you. You are my husband. I _love_ you.” He stared Adam down, narrowing his eyes. “I didn’t leave. I didn’t stop wearing my engagement symbol or wedding ring. I don’t blame you for being hurt by my lies, but you left me, Adam. You left me broken and you have to ask me if there’s something to fight for?” he asked incredulously. 

Adam just groaned. “The fact you lied to me puts something there for me to question, Tommy,” he said, getting frustrated.

“And I understand it hurt you, I understand it was wrong,” Tommy pressed. “But not in a million years, at the time, in that mindset, did I imagine it would be enough for you to leave me. I know that now, but it doesn’t change that I was willing to fight over it, I was willing to grovel, but I never imagined you would leave me.”

Adam sighed. “I just don’t know, Tommy. I don’t know if I can handle it, you know?” he said, eyes full of distress. “I was faking it as hard as I could, but living with you, knowing you weren’t the same… it was horrible,” he admitted. “I love you, I always will, but I can’t deal with you lying on top of it. I just… I don’t _know_! It’s the worst part. I can’t just make a choice, Tommy. We need to give this more time-“

“It’s been a month!” Tommy squeaked, throat tightening. “A month, Adam. We need to not put it off any more.” He shook his head, looking away, back out at the street. “The irony of all of this shit is that we’re in the same situation as the time you told me to never keep anything bottled up, to never let things get too hard to deal with,” Tommy spat. “You told me if anything was eating at me I could always trust you and let you help me, and now _you_ are the one who’s trying to bottle shit up and let it stew until you’re ready to deal with it.” He turned around and started inside. “Just go Adam, I’m not in the mood to put up with you right now. I hurt you, I’m sorry, but I love you, I _can’t_ regret trying to make you happy, and it’s up to you now,” he said simply, walking inside, facing the wall as he waited for Adam to pass him and leave the room.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When they got back to LA, Tommy went home with Isaac. He meant it when he said he left it up to Adam. It hurt more than anything to know Christmas was in four days and he’d be spending his first married Christmas not with his husband, but sleeping (or not) on a friend’s couch while they went to see their families, but he wanted Adam to make the decisions himself.

Tommy was lying around, two days before Christmas, having seen Sophie and Isaac off earlier that morning, when his phone buzzed. He glanced down, expecting it was Isaac joking about Sophie’s driving again, only to blink when he saw it was a text from Adam. He sat up as he opened it, biting his lip nervously.

_Tommy, we need to talk. Can you come over, please?- Adam_

Tommy was both afraid and hopeful. Adam wanted to see him, he wanted to talk to him, so he had made a decision, hopefully. Coming over made him think maybe it was a chance at forgiveness, but there was always the chance he was being served with divorce papers too, though Tommy hoped Adam wouldn’t actually hand him divorce papers two days before Christmas. He wasn’t a heartless man at all.

Tommy took his time to shower and dress neatly, though he wasn’t sure why. Surely Adam wouldn’t suddenly forgive him for looking nice if he wasn’t going to forgive him anyways. Smelling like vanilla wasn’t going to make Adam changed his mind about divorcing him, but either way, Tommy wanted to look good without looking like he tried too hard. He just wanted to make his best impression if Adam was going to forgive him.

And if he was leaving him, at least he’d have a good idea of what he was giving up.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Tommy got out of the cab and paid the cabby, he approached the gate, hoping Adam hadn’t changed the code. He walked in and headed up to the steps, biting his lip as he wondered if he should knock or let himself in. It was, after all, still his house. He settled for knocking, if nothing more than as a means of prolonging the situation as long as he could.

When Adam opened the door, Tommy couldn’t help the part of him that positively melted at the sight of his beautiful husband after not seeing him for a while. “Hi, Tommy,” Adam said, and Tommy smiled nervously.

“Hey,” he said, walking in as Adam shut the door behind him. “So… you wanted to talk?” he asked, and Adam looked nervous.

“Um… sure, want a drink first?”Adam asked, fidgeting with the hem of his tee shirt.

Tommy accepted and sat at the counter while Adam poured them both glasses of juice, since it was pretty early in the day for beers. He looked Adam over and couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked wearing a tee-shirt and jeans without any makeup on. Adam always looked good to Tommy, but most people didn’t get to see Adam in such a natural, normal state. It always gave Tommy this feeling like the real Adam was something that was saved for only friends and family. Adam in his natural state was Tommy’s favorite because he wasn’t hiding any part of himself. He was _Tommy’s_ Adam.

Adam handed him a glass, then took his, standing across from him awkwardly. “I’ve been thinking a lot,” Adam started, and Tommy nodded, barely sipping his glass of juice. “I’ve really thought a lot about the night we last spoke,” Adam said, voice gaining some strength as he grew braver. “Something really stands out to me and I have-“ He paused, then took a breath, looking at Tommy closely. “I need to know.”

“Know what, Adam?” Tommy asked curiously.

Adam stared into Tommy’s eyes in a way that was disconcerting in a way. “You said that the irony of that night was that we were in the same situation as the time I told you not to hold things in until it was too much, not to hide things, to trust me to help.” Tommy felt his breath stop as he realized what he’d inadvertently said that night. Adam tilted his head, eyes boring into Tommy’s searchingly. “The night I found you on the balcony of your hotel room and you looked like you were having bad thoughts, it was after your dad died. I told you to trust me to take some of the pain for you and told you never to try and carry all the burden and pain on your own, I told you I’d always be there for you no matter what…” He paused and shook his head. “But you never talked to anybody else about that. You never spoke about your dad’s death to anybody else but me. We weren’t together, we were just friends who didn’t realize we were falling in love, but you still didn’t tell _anybody_ to my knowledge.” Tommy could see guarded hope in Adam’s icy blue eyes as he looked into his soul. “How do you know about that?” he asked breathlessly.

Tommy swallowed hard, wanting to look away but finding it impossible. “I-“ He paused, fighting to say something, anything. He wanted to tell the truth but he was too afraid of how Adam might react. He didn’t even know if Adam would believe him after he lied before. He closed his eyes and looked down. “Adam, I-“

“Look at me, please,” Adam asked, and Tommy lifted his eyes, biting his lip. “Tommy?” he asked, the look of hope growing in his eyes.

Tommy felt his throat tightening and, as soon as he spoke, his voice crackled. “I remembered,” he said weakly.

Adam’s hands gripped the edge of the countertop. “You remembered? What else did you remember?” he asked, almost desperately.

Tommy smiled a broken, sad little smile. “Everything,” he breathed, and Adam’s entire body tense, eyes wider than ever. Tommy cleared his throat a little. “I remembered everything. That night I fainted… I fainted because the memories rushed back and it disoriented me.”

Adam let out a shaky breath. “You remembered then?” he asked weakly. “You’ve- You’ve been back- you’ve _known_ since then?” he asked, and Tommy nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Why didn’t you tell anybody?!” he asked in confusion.

Tommy chuckled. “I did. As soon as I woke up with Monte and Neil hovering, I told them. I’d been talking to Neil and I remembered that night, actually, I was telling him drunkenly all about something to do with realizing how much I lost because even when we were just friends, you loved me more than most anybody ever has, and then I just remember everything coming back too fast to handle and then everything went black and moments later I guess, I was waking up and rambling to Monte and Neil.”

Adam just shook his head. “Neil knew all along? Neil knew and he didn’t tell me?!” he asked. “What is up with Neil and not telling me shit?” he grumbled.

Tommy laughed genuinely. “Neil’s my buddy, dude. He was just trying to help me out. He’s kept me sane,” he admitted.

Adam cringed. “So… all of the time, you remembered? That time you were in the shower, when you hit that guy, the night we talked… you were you the whole time?” he asked, looking apologetic. Tommy nodded. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me, Tommy?” Adam asked incredulously. “I mean…” He smiled softly. “You’re _you_ ,” he breathed, eyes bright.

Tommy shrugged. “I was me all along, Adam. But after I got my memory back, I knew you couldn’t forgive me,” he said simply. “I knew how serious you are about lies then. I remembered how much you hate liars and being lied to and I knew it was pointless. I’ve been waiting on divorce papers since,” he admitted. “I know you. But I also know I can’t blame the part of me that didn’t know better,” he said honestly. “I’d do it again,” he said simply. “I love you.”

Adam flinched and Tommy saw his bottom lip tremble. “Do you really remember this time? No lies?” he asked, and Tommy nodded. “No,” he said, then walked around the counter. He grabbed Tommy’s barstool and dragged it around until Tommy was facing him. He looked into Tommy’s eyes searchingly. “Tell me.”

Tommy swallowed, losing himself in the hope and fear shading Adam’s beautiful eyes. “Adam, I remember the first time you told me that you knew we’d be great friends. It was before even our first show, a day just hanging out with the band. You and me were getting more beers and I made a joke about David Bowie that made you drop a bottle that shattered, and then we both nearly pissed ourselves laughing. You just smiled at me with this ‘I’m an innocent little boy’ expression and said ‘I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends’,” he said, and Adam’s eyes began filling with tears. Tommy didn’t look away as he continued to speak. “The first time I realized I was falling in love with you was a few days after that night with the balcony,” he said, and Adam raised an eyebrow. “I was getting back into the swing of things and you guys were going out to a club, and I wasn’t ready to go partying yet, so you stayed back with me.” Adam smiled wetly at the memory as Tommy spoke, his voice tight with emotion. “You and me stayed on the bus and watched movies all night. You hated most of them, westerns bore you, but you let me cuddle up to you and you held me all night, watching them even if you could’ve been out partying with everybody else. I realized how much you cared about me, I realized nobody had ever given as much of themselves to me as you did.” Tommy swallowed and smiled softly. “I realized that I loved you.”

Adam just let out a wet chuckle. “Tommy.” Tommy wasn’t expecting it, but didn’t startle at all when Adam leaned down and kissed him, cupping his face in his shaking hands. Tommy sank into it, closing his eyes as he raised his hands to curl around Adam’s wrists.

“Adam,” he breathed, and Adam shook his head, laughing wetly as he pulled Tommy from the chair into his arms with a soft sob of relief. “Adam, shhhh.”

“Tommy, my Tommy, you’re my Tommy,” Adam cried, holding him as close as possible. Tommy closed his eyes and fisted his hands in the back of Adam’s shirt, letting Adam hold him close with an arm around his back and one hand around the back of his neck, face pressed to his hair as he cried, letting out everything he’d been holding in for so long. “I thought I lost you. I thought I wouldn’t ever get the real you back! I just- I _lost_ you,” he sobbed, clinging.

Tommy crushed his eyes shut, face pressed into Adam’s neck. “I’m right here, Adam, I’m here,” he comforted, voice muffled by Adam’s shirt. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise, I’m here.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I got so mad, I just- I was so upset,” Adam cried, rocking them from foot to foot. “I just- I had you back, then I realized it wasn’t real and it killed me. It _broke my heart_ ,” he sobbed. “I thought I lost you, then I got you back but it wasn’t real. Please tell me this is real. Please, God, tell me it’s real,” he sobbed, and Tommy fought tears as he took all of the pain Adam was letting go. “Please, pleasepleaseplease-“

“It’s real, it’s really really, I promise,” Tommy said, pulling back enough to press his forehead to Adam’s. He reached up to hold the sides of Adam’s head sniffling as he watched tears slip down Adam’s cheeks. He pressed their foreheads together and he looked into his eyes. “I’m here, and I’m me. I promise. I’ll never hurt you again, Adam. I’ll never purposefully ever hurt you this bad ever again. I promise, I’ll do my best to never leave you, I’ll never do that to you again,” he promised over and over, only to be silenced as Adam laughed wetly.

“Shut up, Glitterbaby, just shut up,” he said, kissing Tommy instead. Tommy curled his arms around Adam’s neck, kissing him for all he was worth, trying to make up for all the time he’d missed with his husband. Adam held him close, kissing Tommy like the world was ending. Like it would end if he let go. Hell, maybe even like Tommy was the world and he had to stop him from ending.

Tommy didn’t even care about the salty tears on their lips, all that mattered was that they had each other, they had each other back and that was the only worry either of them had in the entire world at that moment. They could talk about everything later, they could work out how to undo the drama their silence had caused, they could work out what to tell their friends later. As Tommy and Adam lost themselves in each other’s arms, lips, and hearts, the world could’ve stopped spinning and they wouldn’t have cared.

All that mattered at that moment was their love. The rest of the world could wait.


End file.
